This is just a super quick post. Anything longer and I just won’t be able to cope. Those of you that know me, may know that my Mum had been suffering from cancer for a few years. Earlier this month, her suffering ended.
I didn’t shout it out loud on social media, I didn’t even tell some of my best friends straight away as I HATE sympathy and I hate people fussing. Who knows how people would react? I just tried to carry on as normal.
I tried to go back to work straight away but having to teach and perform in front of 28, 7 year olds for 6 hours a day is just not possible when you’re grieving. I have since been back and had days off. It just all gets too much when people are prodding you about your feelings.
Other people just don’t know what to say or do when they face someone who has had a bereavement. It’s a fine line to tread. Do you fuss? Do you ignore them? Or just pretend nothing has happened. Everyone deals with grief differently. If I’m asked or fussed over, I’ll get upset, but if I’m left to get on with it I can be ok. To be honest, I’ve probably not accepted it yet. It doesn’t feel real.
Perversely, my Mum’s passing happened in the best way possible. My Sister and I were by her side as her breathing got quieter and quieter until she finally drifted off. In fact it was beautiful. We told her we loved her more than the world and we promised her we’d look after each other and be alright.
My Mum was an amazingly strong and fierce woman. She was a lioness and my Sister and I were her cubs. She didn’t have the easiest life but she brought Charlotte and I up to believe that we could own the world and that we should never settle for anything less than the best.
I owe my strength and resilience to her. I wouldn’t be the nurturing, generous person I am, without her. I wouldn’t be as sassy and acid tongued if it weren’t for her.
Today is the funeral. I’ve written the eulogy. I’ve got my outfit ready. I’m going through the motions. Maybe it will be real today.
Thank you to everyone who has known and who has showed me so much kindness, patience, love and care. It means so much.
Mum, I owe you everything and I’m so glad you’re no longer suffering. Love you the world.