Why Would You Expect Less?

It’s safe to say that in over a year of being single I’ve had my fair share of dating app matches, night out pulls, first dates and string of dates. So it’s fair to say I’ve been on the receiving end of a spectrum of dating behaviour. Everything from the guy who can’t get your name right to the one who plans the most extravagant first date and cooks you a three course meal for when you get home from work.

When you’re dating, you’re navigating a whole host of scenarios and messages from the person you’re engaging with. A lot of their behaviours can be hard to read and if you’re an over thinker, like me, you’ll tend to read into things and analyse them deeply.

Working out what to accept from someone you’re interested in seeing can be tricky because you’re forever told to play things a certain way. You’ll have the friend who’s Miss High Expectations, who’ll tell you he’s not worth speaking to unless the first date is at the Sky Garden, he wears a tux and looks like Chris Pratt. You’ll also have the friend who will be happy for a fingering in a car at McDonalds Drive Thru without a call back because he treated her to a McFlurry. With their advice, you never know whether the person you’re dating is doing it right or not.

I honestly don’t understand people that put up with the person they’re talking to or dating or even in a relationship with, displaying shitty behaviour like; going quiet for long periods of time, using for sex, texting other people or just showing a general lack of interest.

I was not alone. Heading over to Twitter to ask what people thought should be a basic level of acceptable behaviour led to a whole list of don’ts.

So I’m going to help you with this handy little PSA about what dating behaviour you should be expecting as standard. You’d think some of this was obvious and common sense, but your muggy friend who’s taken back their arsehole boyfriend for the 7th time, even though he’s explicitly said he’ll never be what she wants, will prove otherwise. So here it is. Dating Behaviour you should not settle less for.

They speak to you. Not every minute. Not even every day if you’re not that bothered. But often enough that it satisfies you. And not satisfies the wannabe Cool Girl who is all, ‘ugh it’s fine, I hate being suffocated.’ If you’ve been seeing each other a while, I actually do think daily contact is necessary. It’s science that the more distant you are from someone, the more you emotionally check out from them. If you want it to go somewhere – even if someone is just regular peen, then consistent contact, that doesn’t leave you feeling flat, is necessary. If you’ve only just matched or met, this is the time where they should be trying to impress you the most. If you’re only getting a text of, ‘Hey how’s you?’ every 3 days, is that impressive enough for you?

They make time for you. Don’t date someone where your 3rd attempt at suggesting a meet up is met with, ‘ugh I’m busy then too,’ without offering an alternative. If you’re in a relationship and all they ever do in their spare time is see their mates or get involved in their hobbies, chances are they’re not feeling it. Obviously it’s ideal that they have their own lives and aren’t hanging around being all needy and controlling BUT if you’re bottom of the priority list at all times – how does that make you feel? Basic level of behaviour is to arrange times to meet you when they’re free and stick to it. If they’re not free, they make alternative suggestions.

They do a sex follow up. If you’ve been kind enough to house their penis in your warm vagina for a bit and they want to see you again, they’ll message you straight afterwards to confirm their enjoyment. Even if it’s just a one night stand, I truly believe a message afterwards is a basic expectation even if it doesn’t go anywhere else. Otherwise it’s just plain rude.

*side note: I speak about consistency in messaging a lot and I know some of you genuinely don’t need messaging constantly BUT it takes 2 seconds and it is always a reassurance. It’s basic behaviour.

They ask questions. If they are interested in you’ll, they’ll ask questions. If they aren’t interested, they won’t. So if they’re not, DO NOT ACCEPT IT. If you’re in a relationship and they don’t ask about your day or how work is going – do they really care? A basic level of interest in you should be standard. I’d even go as far to say that small talk questions aren’t enough. When I’m getting to know someone and I really like them, I want to know about their history, their interests and what makes them tick. I’m not *that* bothered about what they had for lunch or how the weather is where they are. It doesn’t tell me about them. So if the person you’re interested in, is not showing a true interest in you – why would you accept that?

They don’t name call. You forgot to message him on your night out? You’re not a bitch. You’re in an argument? You’re not a c**t. Name calling in any perceived aggressive way is not OK. But also, you shouldn’t accept someone who name calls others. It says a lot about the type of person they are. Especially if it’s their ex they’re talking about.

They don’t silence you. I have dumped guys for telling me to shut up. It’s unacceptably rude. OK, they might not like what you’re saying, but basic politeness and manners should be standard.

Honestly, I could go on and on and on. So many of us accept behaviour that is far less than the standard we should. Here are some things you should absolutely not stand for. What else would you add?

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4 Comments

  1. March 1, 2017 / 10:22 am

    totally 100% agree. I feel like your blog at the moment is SO my life. lol. I am so bad when it comes to guys, I accept shitty behaviour way too much, I have zero self confidence at the moment so feel like I put up with shit when I shouldn’t. I need to take this… even though right now I am off men lol

    Erin || MakeErinOver

  2. March 1, 2017 / 6:30 pm

    Not related to the excellent article, but I couldn’t help but notice how much you are KILLING it in those thigh high boots lady!

  3. March 3, 2017 / 5:56 pm

    Such a good post! As a domestic abuse survivor, I’ll repeat what I said on Twitter; early criticism, even hidden as a compliment, is a huge alarm bell. If someone is quick to criticise your fashion sense, for example, when they hardly know you, they’re a dick. I had a boyfriend when I was a teenager who’d always say, “Aww, I love your hair straight!” whenever he saw me with my natural curls. It took me so long to accept my natural hair.

  4. March 5, 2017 / 8:24 pm

    I really needed to read this! A few years back I was involved with a guy who was TERRIBLE at texting. Whenever we met up he seemed really interested but then I wouldn’t hear off him for days, sometimes even weeks! I made all the usual excuses, ‘oh, we’re not official, he doesn’t have to text me everyday!’ etc etc. The conversation eventually dwindled down to nothing and we stopped contacting each other. A few months passed, I went elsewhere and got into a relationship with someone else and the terrible texter deleted me off all social media in a childish strop! Just recently I went through a break up and he got back in touch again. Like an idiot I responded but turns out his texting habit had not improved. Blocked and deleted! When I’m in a relationship or seeing someone I like, I will give 100% and I expect the same in return! x

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