The couple kissing on the Tube. The father and daughter buying furniture together. The friends in arms as they pound the pavements of Oxford Street, cackling at each other’s jokes. It’s easy to see little examples of love every day and everywhere you go.
It’s also easy to feel the complete lack of that in your own life. And feel it so very deeply.
As you are all well-aware, I am SO SINGLE. For the main part, it’s by choice. I haven’t yet met a HQM that I want to love and be loved by. Part of it is that no matter how many men I meet or match with, nothing is getting off the ground. Again, for the most part, I am happy with this; I am very busy, I have a good social life and most people annoy me after spending too much time with them. But for the other part, it kind of hurts.
Occasionally when I see a guy grab his girl by the arm and pull her in for a tight hug and a kiss on the forehead when they think no one is watching, there’s a huge pang in my stomach. I suppose I miss being loved this way.
You may not be aware of my family circumstances. My mother passed away just over a year ago and with grief comes a huge sense of loss of love. For some people, they have a huge network of family around them to go some way to fill that void. I don’t. This isn’t being said because I want any violins being brought out. It’s just fact. I have my twin sister who will always be there for me but the unconditional love you get from a parent leaves a huge hole once they have left.
So again, occasionally, when I see the father/daughter theatre trip, or the son buying his Mum a coffee, the familiar loss of love pang is there.
Lots of people are surrounded by these types of love. Whether it’s romantic or familiar and unconditional but there are some of us that completely lack this.
I am lucky though. Because there’s a type of love I do have and one that I experience every day. And that’s the love I get from my friends. I have friends I can gossip with when I have something so juicy to tell. I have friends that I can melt down with when life gets too hard. I have friends I can talk about any embarrassing moment with, without any fear of judgement. I have friends that will pull me out of any hole I get myself in.
Then, occasionally when I see girls walking down the streets, deep in conversation together, or complimenting each other in the bar toilets or brunching together and howling over a recent mishap, I feel a different kind of feeling. I feel an upswell in my heart. One that tells me that that type of love really is all around.