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7 Ways To Make Fingering Fabulous

I’m not even going to apologise for that title. It’s out there. It’s true. A fantastic fingerbang is up there with life pleasures such as garlic butter and parallel parking on the first attempt.

Fingering, alongside the dry hump is heavily underrated and is most women’s first foray into the sexual realm. What often starts as a rub over clothes during a snogging session somewhere public because you were too young to bring someone home then evolves to full feeding the pony as you get bolder. And it’s brilliant.

7 Ways To Make Fingering Fabulous

But what 7 things do we (and our fortunate fingerers) need to know about this amazing act?

The Prep. You know when Rizzo sang, ‘Keep your filthy paws off my silky drawers,’? She wasn’t wrong! If your digits are going to be dipped those bad boys had better be clean, neat and trimmed. Yes, the vagina is self cleaning but nothing is going to dry me up quicker than black fingernails and visible pizza grease. And if you’ve touched chilli or mint? Back the heck up. Also, could you be a doll and whack out the moisturiser every so often so we’re not being subjected to work callouses and ouch. Hey buddy, would you also mind warming up your mittens a splodge, I don’t want to be poked by an icicle.

The Areas. Some people have such woeful two in the pink technique that they will spend an age rubbing and circling the bit above your clit even after you’ve tried to wriggle your way into position or you’ve shoved their hand exactly where you need it. A handy little guide – it’s the little knobbly bit you can feel between the top of the labia majora (or lips). Found it? Great, I’ll move onto clit technique in a sec. I’ll also touch on your vagina.* You may like to be touched on the inside. You most definitely do not like to feel like you’re being drilled into like a cheap IKEA flat pack.

*not ACTUALLY. Find someone else to finger you.

The Amount. One or two fingers is enough to tickle your clittle but being rubbed with a flat palm has its place too. As for putting digits inside you, it’s obviously personal preference. But a word of advice, don’t shove 3 in without a little warming up first because it’ll feel like trying to shove yourself into a pair of size 8 jeans after one too many Chinese buffets.

The Clit. Now here is where you’re going to shine. If you can get the right amount of pressure, rhythm and direction all going at the same time – then nirvana lies ahead. However, if you get hyperactivity of the fingers and you keep moving it around my genitals, I’m going to lose my building orgasm quicker than my tights came down. Saying that, alternating between clit and other areas can help build tension and create excitement. Just make sure you don’t dig for treasure just as I’m grinding against your fingers. I will think your finger game is dire and it will put me off you.

The Vagina. Once you’re warmed up nicely, your fingering fellow might decide he or she wants to place some digits inside you. What we are NOT here for is being pumped as pneumatically as possible. This does nothing. Women rarely orgasm from just a penis jack hammering so what makes you think your fingers are up for the task? However what we are ALL OVER is the curved fingers making the ‘come hither’ motion on the front wall of our bits. That shit’s like crack. And again if there’s rhythm and pressure, we’re going to be all over you. Literally actually. Our juices. Allll over you.

The Tongue. The beauty of a fingerbang is that it leaves your mouth free to get involved. Please don’t poke a tongue it. But please get that bad boy all up in the clit whilst your fingers are doing the crack-like penetrative motion. One thing that’s always levelled at fingering is – ‘Why not just lick her out?’ My answer is WHY NOT BOTH.

The Squirt. Now I have no experience of this. I’m not saying it’s a fallacy because we’ve all seen PornHub BUT it’s either not happened yet or it won’t happen at all. I’m not seeking it out. It’s not on my Tinder bio, ‘Looking for a guy who can transform me into Niagara Falls,’ and it’s not something I’m missing out on. HOWEVER. If you are able or you’re craving it, fingering is the way forward. Get two hands involved on the clit and inside or introduce a toy and go at it until you’re shooting your load faster than La La Land accepting that Oscar.

So there we have it, the art of fingering. What are your best tips for working around your lips?

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11 Comments
  • Aj
    March 6, 2017

    I bloody love you! Nothing works faster than both, I don’t even know why people get confused by that-9 times out of ten i’d hazzard that two is always better than one, with some obvious exceptions :-O

  • Sam
    March 6, 2017

    This is actually brilliant. Vix, you are fucking fabulous!

  • Vicky
    March 6, 2017

    I can’t offer any relevant advice but this post was the best way to start my morning, thank you very much.

  • Gemma
    March 6, 2017

    Brilliant post.
    “Looking for a guy that can transform me into Niagra Falls”
    Almost fell off my chair at work..! Good work!

  • Lozzyloveslippy
    March 6, 2017

    Hahaha accurate!! I’ve been hit with the chilli fingers and my God it f*cking burns!!! Xx

  • Alice
    March 6, 2017

    Ahhhh this is hilarious and accurate and down right brilliant in just so many ways! You’re a babe! Alice xxxx

    http://www.woodenwindowsills.co.uk

  • Alastair
    March 6, 2017

    This is great.

  • Hollie
    March 8, 2017

    This is genius! Along with the topic being 100% accurate, this is so expertly written that I could have read a whole books worth X

    Hollie | ItsHollieAnn.com

  • Charlie Elliott
    March 8, 2017

    If I’d known how much the elusive Squirt would leave a bloke intensely determined to make it happen again, I would’ve put that I do it on my Bumble profile MONTHS ago. THANK YOU VAGINA, I forgive you for all the thrush and cystitis and period pains you have inflicted upon me.

    I love this post, Vix. Fucking hilarious and spot on (no pun intended*)

    *a bit pun intended
    Cx

  • Nikki
    March 24, 2017

    ‘Find someone else to finger you’ pahahahahaaha HOWLING!

    Nikki xx | Lovelaughslipstick ♥

  • Reisa
    June 7, 2017

    Bloody brilliant XO

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