Having lived with Ben for nearly 2 months and completely ‘living my best life’ whilst sharing a house with him, I have begun to reflect on what life was like before it was filled with love, laughter and La Redoute furniture.
So here is a letter to my previous self. A self who self-inflicted poor choices in men, life and friends. And it’s from a current self who has made far better choices (except with plants as I always choose ones that need watering and shit and that eventually die).
Dear Single Vix,
I know exactly how you’re feeling – lonely, horny, frustrated, despondent about your future, resolved in your singledom and really regretting watching 240 hours of Ru Paul in 3 weeks when you should’ve been out trying to meet people and be happy. But here are the lessons you will learn in the next year…
Don’t Waste Time On Time-Wasters
That guy who showed up 40 minutes late for your date with no apology? Leave after 1 drink.
The mate who spent 2 hours a day, blowing up your Whatsapp with ranting, moaning and burden-giving but could never be arsed to meet you for waffles – ignore, mute, delete.
That dude who made you wait 3 days for a text back that just said, ‘LOL’ to your hilariously witty and thought out text – bin emoji.
Eventually, after sifting through ALL OF THE CRAP for a year, you’ll find yourself in a totally different situation.
You will learn, from being burned, that people who are not willing to give up their time for you are not worth you wasting yours on them.
You will meet friends that you can arrange weekly Pizza Expresses with over one text and ones who will listen to your umpteenth Instagram rant over a coffee whenever you need it because they appreciate you’d do the same for them.
And you will meet the guy that puts all of the other time-wasters to shame. The one who arranges dates promptly and sticks to them. The one who has no time for ‘I will wait 3 days to text back’, games. The one who doesn’t leave you hanging, guessing or wasting your precious energy.
And it’ll be glorious.
Relationships Are Not Boring
Your whole, ‘I’m a single woman who cannot be tamed by the confines of a relationship,’ persona was super cute.
And it was well meaning- you worried A LOT over how being in a relationship would change you. Would mean your creativity would dry up because you’d be a coupled-up-arsehole. You panicked over how your newly found social life would take a hit because boyfriends don’t let you out of the house.
But you were wrong.
Any guy you met that made you feel like you couldn’t explore your passions, your friendships or yourself were quickly tossed aside and GOOD because it led you to meet someone who showed you that being a coupled up arsehole didn’t mean you needed to be a boring coupled up arsehole.
You’ll meet someone who inspires, not stifles, your creativity.
You’ll meet someone who’ll socialise at the same time as you do, meet you afterwards and come home with you so you don’t have to be on the shitty night bus alone and so that you can both get a Chicken Cottage to mop up the alcohol with and eat it in bed.
You Don’t Have To Compromise
Single-me, you’re dating guys that are not funny because it makes you feel like the funny one.
You’re dating blokes that you don’t really fancy, just because they’re nice to you and take you to Harry Potter at the theatre.
You’re wasting time on men (and friends) that make you feel like you’re not enough just because you’re bored or lonely.
You do not need to compromise. You do not need to forego funny, attractive, kind and smart for someone that just ticks one box.
Because someone who ticks them all WILL come along.
You Do Not Have To Change
Your dating routine saw you routinely de-hairing (because guys don’t want hairy girlfriends), putting on faux-positivity (because they don’t want ‘negative nellies) and spending time you’d rather spend watching Celebs Go Dating and eating 6 different types of potato, on people you wouldn’t normally humour for more than 4 seconds.
But you didn’t really ever need to do that.
You needed to meet someone that doesn’t care when your last eyebrow wax was.
Someone that reacted to you being on anti-depressants with, ‘Is there anything I can do?’ as opposed to, ‘woah’.
And the one who would much rather you spent your afternoons doing the things you want to do (like potato) and be happy.
Don’t change how you look, how you operate, how you spend your time for anyone that needs you to change.
Someone who doesn’t want you to change is coming.
Some Other Things You Should Know
That mate you always thought had your back, ditched you for a younger, hotter model and then talked shit behind your back.
Amber and Kem from Love Island broke up, just like you called it.
That dude you wasted loads of time on, walks through Clapham Common wearing jeans and sheux and is a reet minger.
The Queen didn’t actually die, she sat on the FROW of LFW with Anna Wintour and an apocalypse didn’t arrive.
You’ll move to a beaut new flat with someone who doesn’t make you penny pinch, who doesn’t make you anxious about money, ashamed of your appearance or worried about your home-time.
You’ll buy a new layout for your blog, hate it for 2 weeks and then change it. Please don’t do that again.
You’ll meet new mates through blogging and work who’ll text you Netflix recommendations and send you pictures of delicious looking non-Vegan food, when you’re trying so damn hard to be vegan (THANKS MATE).
Oh and you’ll use affiliate links with wild abandon because you go part-time at your job and you need the dollar bill, yo.