Direction. It means ‘a course along which someone or something moves’. It has a purpose to it. The intention is to move in that way. Sometimes it is informed. It feels like the experiences you’ve had have led you that way. Often, going in a new way is a total leap of faith. One that is all at once scary, exciting and overwhelming. Direction doesn’t promise you’ll reach where you wanted to go. It promises you’ll see a way.
So I feel a change in direction in my life. In one direction, is the job I’ve had for 5 years. The one I’m happy in. With colleagues that I love. That includes a rich, warm tummy feeling of purpose. This is the smoothly sailed direction. The one where the path is least resistant.
The other direction is towards my passion. Writing, creativity and other ventures. There are opportunities along this way. But there are hurdles. Finances. My mental health. Security. Relationships. Things have to give along this way. But this direction is towards fulfilment. It’s a direction towards a life I can look back on and go, ‘well you bloody tried’.
This direction is a tough one because it involves a lot of hard work. Plates spinning. Fingers in many pies. It’s overwhelming. And for someone with severe Imposter Syndrome, it’s a direction that will inevitably involve a host of self doubt and a question over my sanity.
But it’s a direction I need to push for. So where do I begin? It starts with a reflection on my content. I’ve taken on board what people have told me about how inclusive or reductive my content is. I want to be better. I want to use my voice in the right way. I don’t want to preach or talk about topics that are not mine but I want to speak to more people.
I want my content to be reflective, helpful, informed and formative. But I also want it to be entertaining and relatable.
This direction also leads to more opportunities to explore other media – YouTube, podcasts, radio, TV – it’s all been laid before me in different ways. I just need to say yes. To take more risks. To navigate the rocky path.
Furthermore, this direction makes balancing my full time career trickier but it’s something I will have to continue balancing until the plates can no longer be kept spinning. This is perfect for me. The warm tummy feeling can stay.
I have a good feeling about this direction. I also have a horrendous gut feeling that everything will go tits up and I’ll be back here reviewing orthopaedic pillows in a few weeks for enough sponsorship money to keep a roof over my head, but you’ll be there for me, right? Check out my Life Update post to see what else has been going on.