I’ve been in real love twice. I’ve been in fake love hundreds of times. The kind of love you have for the hot guy at work or the uni lecturer you’re obsessed with. But only ‘real’ love twice. The sad thing is, I sometimes think I’ve never been with someone who really loved me back. Put your tiny violins away, this isn’t sob story. In true Vix style, I’m here to tell you why this is actually a good thing. Why loving someone who doesn’t love you back does wonders for you as a person.
When I love someone, I do anything for them. I’ve been known to: take time off work when something bad happens to them, build up their self esteem when they have none, get interested in their passions and hobbies because it makes them happy. I would love their family as if they were my own. Not stress them out when they’ve had a bad day. Put myself last when they’ve needed to be put first. Love them and only them. Worry about them when they’re not home. Advise them on careers. Be a shoulder to cry on. A listening ear. All of those little things you do to show someone they’re your world.
But what did I receive back? Staying out til 6am without a quick text, knowing I’d be worried. Cheating. Sexting the girl at work. Insults. Physical violence. Emotional abuse. Putting me down in front of friends. Questioning what I was wearing because it wasn’t ‘flattering’. Being told they’d have to break up with me if I put on any more weight. Driving past my work and refusing to wait for 2 minutes to pick me up even though I’d been there for 17 hours. Laughing at my dreams and passions. That doesn’t even scratch the surface. If there was ‘Shit You’re Dealt in a Relationship’ quota, I’d be hitting the limit.
You’re thinking, ‘bitch be cray’. How could being in relationships like this be a good thing?
It’s very easy to love someone for the things they do for you. If you’ve got the partner who buys you everything you want, gives you everything you want in the sack, compliments you every day and treats you like a ‘princess’ (vom) then it’d be hard not to love them back. But loving someone that does nothing for you is a completely selfless type of love.
A selfless love teaches you that you’re capable of putting others first and that you’re capable of loving someone regardless of their flaws. Don’t get this confused with being a total mug. Because loving someone that doesn’t love you back shapes you for the future.
When you’ve loved someone that doesn’t love you back, and your self esteem has repaired itself, you’re ready for the best kind of love. You’re ready to love someone fully but fully not accept anything less than what you put out there. You recognise real love being reflected back at you. You’ll appreciate all of the little things someone does for you because you’re the one that usually does all of the little things. You’ll never feel like you have to question their feelings because every day they’ll love you selflessly.
So once in your life, love someone who doesn’t love you back and come away from it knowing that you’re able to have real love in your heart and be ready to give it to the person who does love you back.