I’m back from Vegas! That means, back to a bit more of a regular posting schedule. I devised this little post on my 10 hour flight home.
There are actually a million things I hate about Twitter but I condensed my biggest moans into 1 little pile for ya.
Unrelated to Twitter but look at this pretty floral merry go round!
1. There are so many cool girls (and guys) on Twitter and I’ll often be witness to their witty repartee and wish to be part of their little gang. Occasionally I’ll even wing a tweet their way in the vain hope they read it and exclaim, “This girl is hilarious, must befriend her immediately.” But they don’t. And then I’m sad.
2. Every feed is clogged with attention whores. These trolls can come in any shape and form. Some twits love nothing more than starting ‘drama’ by picking fights and attacking others. Even worse? The ones that wade into the drama to tweet about how much they hate drama thus causing further drama. I fucking hate the word ‘drama’. Unless we’re talking about Kourtney and Scott’s breakup. Others spam your feed with ‘look at me’ tweets about being hospitalised, breaking up/making up or licking a cat’s anus and getting poisoned. NO ONE CARES.
3. Ah, the accidental fave. That little golden star of shame. You’re stalking said attention whore’s previous backlog of drivel tweets for pure entertainment and then, oh fuck, your fat thumb has clicked ‘favourite’ and outted your amusement.
4. You know what I love? Writing a banger of a tweet that all your followers and their Mums want to reply to. You know what I hate? Having NOTHING witty to say back…
‘Hahaha cry face emoji *THIS*’
A fave is too dismissive in these circumstances but a droll reply seems patronising. Oh the agony.
5. You’ve just tweeted said hilarious tweet of your life, it’s been retweeted over and over and all of a sudden you have 100 new followers. Before you can scream, ‘Validation!’, BAM, 20 of those fuckers abandon ship. WHAT DID I DO? They must’ve scrolled through my previous tweets and found the one where I was feeling sorry for myself because my boyfriend wouldn’t let me watch the Kardashians. I’m not vapid. I promise! Come back…
6. The subtweet. Done right, they can be hilariously pithy and so on the money that everyone knows what it’s regarding and 4 hours of back and forth banter commences. Done poorly, by said attention whores, it just looks desperate and twattish.
7. Do you know what’s worse than Twitter drama? MISSING Twitter drama. On far too many occasions, I’ve been working (actually let’s just leave it at that).
No… I’ve been working and when I can finally get to my phone and log on to see how many followers I’ve lost, something massive has kicked off. Maybe a brand has tweeted some horribly offensive tweets or a PR has enraged bloggers by asking them to work for free, or (more likely) the same one or 2 dickheads have kicked off again. Probably about a chat name or topic (oooh, sub-blogging). But you’ve gone and missed it all. *spends 2 hours scrolling back through*
8. On the theme of Twitter FOMO, there’s the awful feeling of missing the opportunity to live tweet an event. I can honestly say, my finest Twitter moments came during the opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympics. I was flipping hilarious! But to miss out on bandying around some brilliant bakery puns during GBBO turns me into a quivering wreck.
9. One of the best things about the BloggerTwitterSphere is taking part in a chat. Tamzin and I, LOVE hosting #gbloggers on a Friday night and chatting to our favourite people about stuff we can’t chat to home friends and family about. But during these chats and the pace at which they go, getting clogged up with chat spam is the tits. I love finding new links to blogs but when I’ve seen 5 tweets on your latest post about 2nd trimester pregnancy, I get a little pissed off. ESPECIALLY when you haven’t contributed to the chat at all except to leave your little nugget of link shit.
10. The thing I hate most, above all else, is that not many of my Twitter friends are around me every day. Some, I’m lucky to have a whatsapp thing with so I can be in close contact. Others I even get to meet every now and again. But there are those of you, you know who you are, that I haven’t met or I don’t get to see on a regular basis even though I know, if we did, we’d be motherfucking clique for life. So get in my life you crazy Twitter weirdos.
What do you hate about Twitter?
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