You clicked this link thinking I was talking about that special group of people that dress like their favourite comic character or attend every Taylor Swift concert, didn’t you? SORRY that is not the type of fanboy I’m discussing today. What is a fanboy? A fanboy is that guy who appears on the surface to completely dig your shit but never makes any moves to get all up in you. They’re the guy you’re ABSOLUTELY SURE is a thousand percent in love with you because of the amount of graft they put into keeping your attention, except they never express their actual feelings in so many words. Fanboys are so very frustrating because occasionally, you actually quite wish you could do a Madonna and get with one. Here is a list of 5 things they all do so you can work out if you have one too…
- Message you. Maybe you met online, or whilst you were out or through a mutual friend. You had to ask for his number because as much as he seemed into you, he wasn’t making any moves. Once he has your number, he doesn’t stop messaging you. Whether it’s to send you a meme, a link or to ask you another question, those messages are flying. You even elicit the elusive double text out of this one. Except the one message you really want to receive which is ‘WILL U GO OUT WIV ME?’ never transpires. He could just be being friendly, you wonder, but why is his attention constant?
- Like EVERYTHING. You almost suspect he’s got your Instagram notifications turned on because within 0.12 seconds of a new selfie going up BAM that little red heart wings its way in. This fanboy ROFLs at every tweet and ONLY comments on your selfies plus you can’t go a snapchat story without him peeking in. So what’s he playing that? Does he give Dan at football the same amount of social love?
- Slides into DMs. Fanboy LOVES ‘being there for you’. The instant you tweet something mildly unnerving like ‘I’m out of Diet Coke,’ he’s all over that shit with replies such as, ‘if I wasn’t at work, I’d bring you some,’ or something equally as licky licky. OK so you’d go out of your way to bring a girl a drink but actually asking her out for one is suddenly a reach?
- Attention seeks. You’re not his fangirl. Well, not that he knows of anyway because you’re MONICA BREEZY (Friends reference, sorry) but he doesn’t like it. He craves your attention. So how does he go about trying to get it? Maybe he likes 3642 tweets in a row or sends multiple post gym/pre sleep snapchats – whatever he does just screams, ‘NOTICE ME’. Well maybe if he made you bae, rather than playing these games, he’d be getting constant attention.
- Rejects you. MADNESS right? Fanboy does all of step 1-4 but as soon as you suggest, I don’t know, maybe actually having a face to face conversation, he balks. Perhaps he agrees to a date and then bottles it or more often than not, goes quiet on the contact front for a while but meeting each other in hopes of a romance never happens and it’s totally confusing.
My estimate is that they’ve heard the old saying, ‘never meet your idols in person – they’ll never live up to what you imagine.’ Fanboys eh? Who’d have one!
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