If you’re dating, you will definitely have been ghosted at some point. Ghosting is where your suitor disappears into the ethers without so much as a, ‘not feeling it SEE YA’, never to be seen or heard from again. So here are 10 things those little weasels have ghosted over…
1. Christmas. I was seeing someone around this time last year. Everything was going pretty well. He told me all the things a future ghoster normally does, like ‘I like you’ and ‘let’s do this in x months time’. Then he went Christmas shopping one day and after 2 months together I jokingly said, ‘Whatcha getting me?’ Never heard from him again. Talk about the Ghost Who Stole Christmas.
2. A second date. Your first date with the Ghost went exceptionally well. You made him laugh with the 8 accents you can do and impressed him with your football knowledge. The chemistry sizzled as you shared your first kiss. He text you immediately after to say what a great time he had had and how he couldn’t wait to do it again. It appears that your mere ‘thanks and me too’ must’ve meant you want to marry him because POOF he’s gone and the second date never happens.
3. Sex. Let’s be frank, you made him cum babes. You gave your best head, you had your sexiest underwear on, you teased and had him wanting. Doesn’t matter whether you fluffed him in 5 minutes or after 5 months, as soon as he’s nutted, you get rebutted. But don’t be too gutted – he’s just a ghost!
4. Being caring. You’ve been texting for a few weeks. Perhaps you haven’t been on a date yet. He constantly asks what you’re up to and how you are. Then one day you get the vibe that you haven’t had the same amount of texts that day, you message your normal, ‘Hey how was Work?’ and silence… I MEAN, COME ON.
5. Be busy. Don’t be too available. Be available. Gah you just can’t win with dating but your new fella asks what you’re up to this week, you reply: ‘seeing friends, family, work and chilling out’ and suddenly he’s gone. What part of that came as a surprise to him? It’s not like you said, ‘going to a cat orphanage to steal all their blankets and toys’.
6. Don’t put out. You’ve decided to be a good girly and not pipe this one until you at least find out how he treats waiters. At the end of the first date, he kisses you, makes those smooch noises and invites himself back to yours but NOPE you shoot that down as you’d only been for a coffee and a barista isn’t a waiter. Do you hear from that fucker again? Course not.
7. Do put out. You can never win Hun. First date was filled with flirting and future plans. This one is DEFO going to take you to the theatre. You made the cardinal dating sin rule of having the date on a Friday night where you knew you’d be tempted to bring him home. You even shaved your legs, you fool. But that’s OK, the sex was alright, didn’t set you on fire but fine. He leaves at 5am because he needs the ‘gym’ but he must’ve slipped and died on the treadmill because you never get a further text.
8. A first date. Babe you might never even get to meet this phantom prick. You might’ve been texting non stop, gotten to know each other pretty well. You’ve been hinting at wanting to go for a drink to the point you might as well just shout, ‘I’M FUCKING THIRSTY’. And then when you do just bite the bullet and say, ‘shall we go for a drink this week?’ he hightails it out of your Whatsapp faster than you can down a G&T.
9. Your blog. You’ve kept your blog secret for a while, it’s quite a personal thing. You might discuss grief, exes or other hard to digest parts of your life. The second you decide to brief bae on your blog by sending your link, he bops back out of your life. Clearly didn’t want to offer any constructive feedback.
10. You’re in a committed relationship. Oh love, don’t think for one second that just because you’ve met his rents, are leaving your straighteners at his and been referred to as his ‘girlfriend’ to his mates, that that means that one day he won’t suddenly drop of the face of this planet. Because that shit has happened yo.
Luckily for you, these ghosters take themselves out of your life so you don’t have to spend a further second with such a weirdo but it can’t help but be confusing AF. The phenomenon of the phantom may never be solved!