Mum

This is just a super quick post. Anything longer and I just won’t be able to cope. Those of you that know me, may know that my Mum had been suffering from cancer for a few years. Earlier this month, her suffering ended.

I didn’t shout it out loud on social media, I didn’t even tell some of my best friends straight away as I HATE sympathy and I hate people fussing.  Who knows how people would react? I just tried to carry on as normal.

I tried to go back to work straight away but having to teach and perform in front of 28, 7 year olds for 6 hours a day is just not possible when you’re grieving. I have since been back and had days off. It just all gets too much when people are prodding you about your feelings.

Other people just don’t know what to say or do when they face someone who has had a bereavement. It’s a fine line to tread. Do you fuss? Do you ignore them? Or just pretend nothing has happened. Everyone deals with grief differently. If I’m asked or fussed over, I’ll get upset, but if I’m left to get on with it I can be ok. To be honest, I’ve probably not accepted it yet. It doesn’t feel real.

Perversely, my Mum’s passing happened in the best way possible.  My Sister and I were by her side as her breathing got quieter and quieter until she finally drifted off. In fact it was beautiful. We told her we loved her more than the world and we promised her we’d look after each other and be alright.

My Mum was an amazingly strong and fierce woman. She was a lioness and my Sister and I were her cubs. She didn’t have the easiest life but she brought Charlotte and I up to believe that we could own the world and that we should never settle for anything less than the best.

I owe my strength and resilience to her. I wouldn’t be the nurturing, generous person I am, without her. I wouldn’t be as sassy and acid tongued if it weren’t for her.

Today is the funeral. I’ve written the eulogy. I’ve got my outfit ready. I’m going through the motions. Maybe it will be real today.

Thank you to everyone who has known and who has showed me so much kindness, patience, love and care. It means so much.

Mum, I owe you everything and I’m so glad you’re no longer suffering. Love you the world.

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49 Comments

  1. Hannah
    January 22, 2016 / 9:23 am

    I am so sorry to hear this, you are so brave to bring it up on your blog. I lost my step-sister last feb to a tragic accident & I haven’t mentioned on my blog at all. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, she was also a blogger. Her funeral was the worst day of my life, seeing her mum & her friends broke my heart. There isn’t a day go past I don’t think about her, I do understand its completely different to lose your mum & I can’t bare the thought of it. Going to be honest I have never been to my step-sisters grave, I can’t bring myself to do it, she’s not going to be there?!
    Pretty much all I wanted to state was thank you for being honest & sharing this.
    Sending all my love
    H x
    hannahcrossley.com

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:46 am

      I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you x

  2. January 22, 2016 / 9:30 am

    I am sorry to read this hun and sorry she has passed away, though I am glad it was peaceful and you got to say your goodbye. I never shouted about it on social media when my Grandma died, I didnt want sympathy and fussing or faffing, I wanted to quietly mourn and grieve for her and I never have mentioned it (until now). I am glad you have got your sister and I hope you find comfort with one another at what must be a difficult time x

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:45 am

      Sorry for the loss of your Grandma. Here if you ever need to talk. x

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:45 am

      Thank you x

  3. Bex
    January 22, 2016 / 10:14 am

    Sending you lots of love, hugs and even kisses! So sorry for your loss! Your mum will be so proud of what a fantastic, lovely daughter she has!

    Bex x

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:45 am

      That’s so sweet. Thanks and big hugs back!

  4. OliviaCherylx
    January 22, 2016 / 10:34 am

    Cancer is so fucking scary I hate it. I feel you VIX, My mum got it years ago and I know how scary it is. When someone so close to you is hurting. Your first line had me in tears, I am sending you so much love, you have been so strong I completely admire you for it. I am so sorry for your loss, she will be so proud of you though Vix <3 xxx

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:44 am

      I hope your Mum is doing well Olivia. It can be scary but you do get through it. Thank you x

  5. January 22, 2016 / 10:47 am

    Cancer has torn my family too, I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m sending my thoughts not just to you and your sister, but the whole family. x

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:44 am

      It’s a bloody bugger isn’t it? Thank you! x

  6. Jemma ⚡ Dorkface
    January 22, 2016 / 10:49 am

    I wish I could say something, or do something to make it better- which is obviously stupid. Reading this brought me right back to the moment I heard my dad had died, and how helpless I felt. Im so so glad you got to be there for your mum, though I’m sure its the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Im sending you so much love I cant even begin to describe. I love you, and I know your mum will be proud of you. xxx

  7. Lizi Legge
    January 22, 2016 / 10:54 am

    My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time. Nothing anyone can say will make it better and having lost a parent, I can relate to both the pain and relief at knowing someone is now at peace. Nobody ever knows what to say and don’t be afraid to admit that sympathy can be both a comfort and suffocating at the same time. I hope today brings you closure on a difficult time and allows you to move ahead in your life, living every day and making your mum proud xxx

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:43 am

      Such a true comment. The reading at the funeral said something similar – we can look back in pain or look on in joy and I will definitely stand by that. Thank you x

  8. Amy Farquhar
    January 22, 2016 / 11:00 am

    Sending you lots of love, I will be thinking of you today x

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:43 am

      Thank you, it means a lot.

  9. Matt Young
    January 22, 2016 / 11:17 am

    Really sorry to hear of you and your families loss. You have written so beautifully about her today. Take Care of yourself xxx

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:43 am

      Thank you. I hope the post came across well seeing as it was complete brain drivel.

  10. Meghan Sara
    January 22, 2016 / 12:43 pm

    So, so sorry about your loss.

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:42 am

      Thanks love x

  11. Charlotte Steggz
    January 22, 2016 / 1:13 pm

    I’m sorry for your loss. Take your time in healing (though I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that).
    We’re all here for you.

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:42 am

      Aw thank you Charlotte. x

  12. January 22, 2016 / 1:42 pm

    ah, Vix. your strength is undeniable.

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:42 am

      Thanks Erica xx

  13. Stacey
    January 22, 2016 / 4:50 pm

    Vix I am so sorry to read this and the way you have coped is inspirational. I hope the funeral was copeable. Look after yourself-it’s so so important

    Stacey | <a href="http://www.expatmakeupaddict.com/"><b&gt; Expat Make-Up Addict </b></a> xx

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:42 am

      It was actually a lovely day, if that’s possible. Thank you.

  14. London Beauty Queen
    January 22, 2016 / 7:27 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear this. Sending you all the love in the world. You’re a strong, sassy, awesome woman and your mum will have been so proud to have created such a little spark. x

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:41 am

      Such a lovely comment Hayley, thank you for taking the time. Love ya. x

  15. Georgina
    January 22, 2016 / 10:32 pm

    Oh hun 🙁 Sending you all my love <3

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:41 am

      Thanks lovely x

  16. Saira
    January 22, 2016 / 10:59 pm

    So sorry for your loss Vix. You carry on being the sassy, beautiful, fierce woman that your mum taught you to be .. She’s be so proud of you girl

    Sending lots of love your way
    Saira
    Xxx

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:41 am

      Aw that’s so kind, thank you!

  17. January 22, 2016 / 11:24 pm

    I can’t tell you I know how it feels because each person goes through loss in different ways. And people will impact us differently through out our lives as well. My mom passed away when I was 4 – of cancer too. She thought she was pregnant, little did she know. But I don’t have memories of my mother, which is why I can’t relate to you. I know it affected me greatly. I couldn’t sleep on my own, I screamed when I did sleep, I blocked my memories from when I was a child (literally can’t remember anything) and things didn’t get easier from then because kids thought it’d be fun to make fun of me for not having a mom. But I did. In alot of ways my grandmother was my mom.

    When my grandad passed away 5 years ago, I wasn’t ready. 5 years later it still hurts. I’m still not over it as I didn’t deal with it properly, but I’ve accepted it. I could write a million things that would only really lead me to what everyone has been probably telling you already: everything will be okay. It won’t be right away. It won’t even be in a year. Or in two. I don’t know when it will be. But I do know that she’ll live on in you. Sounds cheesy, but it really isn’t.

    People mark us in ways we cannot even fanthom. You’ll always have the best parts of her within you. You’ll always have your memories. You’ll always have your happy moments. And like every mom, she’d want you to stick with that. But then again, no words will really ease your pain right now, so all I can do is send love to you and your family.

    You’re an absolute start and I’m sure you take after her in this department.

    I don’t know you very well, so I’m sorry if I’m speaking out of turn by writing this. I just wanted to let you know that if you need anything I’ll always be a tweet, a dm, or even a text away.

    Ella.

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:40 am

      Such a lovely comment Ella. I’m sorry for your losses too. You’re right in anything you say and I’m also only a message away if you need it x

  18. Tamzin
    January 23, 2016 / 12:17 am

    Can’t imagine what you’re feeling, just know I can be a message away if you need anything. You’re so strong xx

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:40 am

      Aw thank you. You’re my boo. x

  19. Hayley
    January 23, 2016 / 5:41 am

    Oh such sad news! My thoughts are with you lovely!

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 10:39 am

      Thank you lovely. x

  20. Lady Writes
    January 23, 2016 / 11:06 am

    I had no idea that in the midst of enjoying your blog and tweets this month you’ve been dealing with this behind the scenes. I am so truly sorry for your loss, your post made me cry – you put everything into perspective. But let me say this: your strength and desire to keep going instead of dissolving into a ball (like most of us would) is a credit to you – and to your mum for raising such a strong lady. This post is beautiful, and you are an inspiration.

    Keep going. Some days will be harder than others, but keep going – you’re doing an amazing job.

    Much love, Chloe (Lady Writes) x

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 11:11 am

      Thank you so much for your lovely words. Carrying on with my blog/social media as normal has helped me be strong in a way I never thought it would. Will definitely curl up into a ball at some point! Haha.

  21. Erin Louise Hunt
    January 23, 2016 / 12:10 pm

    I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through right now but I’m here if you ever need to talk. I’ll be thinking of you today my love. ❤️

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 23, 2016 / 12:18 pm

      Thank you lovely. Means a lot x

  22. January 23, 2016 / 2:50 pm

    If you need an impartial ear to vent, please do just holla. Hope the funeral went well and really do send lots of love. Take care x

  23. January 24, 2016 / 9:18 am

    I don’t know you but I’m sincerely sending you all my love. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but it’s inspiring how strong you are.
    Deimante x

  24. Sam Bugeja
    January 24, 2016 / 3:44 pm

    Just seen this. You’re so strong and I’m so very proud of you.
    Love you xxxx

  25. Jasmine Eclipse
    January 24, 2016 / 9:16 pm

    This was beautifully written. I sympathize with you, as I lost my step-mother to cancer a few years ago and it was one of the toughest things I’ve ever gone through. You’ll get through it, though. Take it one day at a time and remember that she’s still with you wherever you go.

  26. Harriet Harbidge
    January 29, 2016 / 2:19 pm

    Absolutely beautiful post. My mum died a few years ago, and my dad died last year to cancer too. I don’t think people understand grief is really subjective and personal, not everyone wants constant attention. That said, it is always nice to speak to people who know what it’s like. Please get in touch if you would like to – my twitter is @harrieharb

    xx

  27. Chloe Rhys-Jones
    January 31, 2016 / 11:25 am

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️