I’m quite late to the Instagram party and only really created a profile to stalk various members of the Kardashian family (not Rob) but as I slowly started to follow my fellow blog friends, I became more and more obsessed with it.
I will check Instagram every few minutes if I’m not at work, terrified to miss a post, but with this obsession, a hatred as been born. A hatred of sins I see others AND myself committing.
Photo credit: Caitlin at Through the Mirror
So here are 10 things I really don’t like about everyone’s favourite flattery seeking platform.
1. Girls who show their #OOTD, sprawled across the floor, facing a full length mirror. I can’t help but feel that the awkward pose they get themselves into, to show every item of clothing, resembles what happens when I’ve come home drunk, fallen over and look horrifyingly into my mirror, quietly contemplating what the fuck I’m doing with my life.
2. People who wear their gifted Olivia Burton/Daniel Wellington watches at unnatural angles to best show off the face, a green smoothie and their crisp white bed linen.
3. Bedrooms that look like they have been lit by the shining arses of 1000 glow worms when it’s 6am, dark outside and it’s been grey out for 4 days. I mean, who has the energy to set up studio lighting to photograph themselves ‘just waking up with a cup of coffee and a magazine’.
4. Product placement. Oh you so happened to bring your packet of organic body scrub to brunch and place it in your avocado, salmon and sourdough bread flatlay?
5. Food that looks like it’s gone cold and a little bit congealed because you took 45 minutes to perfectly stack bacon and fried eggs and wipe the pulp from the side of your orange juice glass because God forbid your Wetherspoons breakfast doesn’t photograph well.
6. ‘Today’s face’ which is a perfectly arranged flat lay of about 36 products that you most definitely haven’t put on your face today, because it’s a Sunday and you’re still in PJs but got to get that Benefit tag in there somewhere.
7. #WIWT = #The nicest clothes I have in my wardrobe, perfectly styled with accessories I actually never wear that I will then most definitely change out of in 4 minutes so I can take this poxy bra off and put my sweats back on.
8. My #FOTD which is always more make up than I would even wear on a night out but the lighting’s good, I wanted a selfie and I will painstakingly remove it all straight away.
9. Celebrities that are so famous that they don’t have to care about a themed grid. They can literally post a blurred picture of the rain outside a window and get 60,654 likes. Whereas my perfectly crafted Nars flatlay took 30 minutes to construct and barely went from names to numbers.
10. People that like but don’t follow. I Instagram like I date, if I like you, I’ll follow you and forever dig your shit so WHY do some bitches like my ‘grams without hitting that follow button? You’re the Tinder equivalent to guys that match but don’t message. I WON’T COME RUNNING!