Shit I’ve done whilst drunk

Unfortunately, 2015 did not grace me with many opportunities to get wasted with my fellow blog loves. I’m hoping that will change in 2016. HOWEVER it did provide me with the odd great drunken moment, which got me reminiscing over my Drunk Bitch highlight reel. So for the giggles, here are a few ridiculous things I’ve done whilst drunk.

Photo credit: TT MIrror  Photo credit: TT MIrror

Spend 80p. One night, at the end of a school term, my friend and I went out to celebrate being free from school. We had been given end of term gifts of 4 bottles of Prosecco from parents and decided that they probably had an expiration date and needed drinking. We then took a hip flask of vodka out with us and only bought lime and sodas all night. Getting smashed on 80p was ALSO made easier by the fact I managed to meet some random fellow teachers, annihilate them in the pub accent challenge and force them to buy us shots.

Pub Accent Challenge. Try it guys. It’s a sure fire way to get drinks bought for you. Challenge the funniest/most attractive looking guy (or girl) to order a drink in an accent. If you deem the accent tragic (you will) s/he has to buy you a drink. If you’re good at accents, even better because you can show them how it’s done.

Invent a game that can get you fired. It was my Christmas work do. I was already 6 homemade G&Ts down when I sat down next to my Headteacher for the meal. I then invented a game called, ‘Buy me a shot if’ where I dared myself to do something (drunk logic) and if I completed my own dare, someone else had to buy me a drink. It’s all fun and games until you dare yourself to undo the Head’s bra strap.

Take ugly face selfies. At a previous work Christmas do, I thought it would be a great idea to get a selfie with every staff member from the covering SuperHead to Jill who works in the kitchen. Whilst my unsuspecting victims were posing beautifully, I was pulling horrific faces behind their backs. Why do I keep getting invited?

Rap. There’s something about being with my work girls that just brings out the devil in me. Picture the scene. Busy London bar, 4 Jagerbombs down and ‘N****s in Paris’ is played. Cue Vix jumping onto the DJ’s stage and lip sync rapping the ENTIRE song to the packed bar. There was a video posted on the bar’s website that has now been removed. Although I’m sure some of the Center Parcs blog girls have something similar.

Run away from dates. Before I go on any Tinder date, I must first calm my nerves with a homemade G&T (unless its an 11am coffee because that would be inappropriate) . I then went on this date not quite sure if I fancied the guy because his photos were ambiguous. I turned up at Clapham Junction train station to be basically met by Sloth from the Goonies. Not to be a superficial bitch, I bought us a drink at the first bar. And a shot. Ready to get to know him better. We went to the next bar and drunk more. I then got us chatting to 2 even drunker girls and whilst my date from hell was distracted, I PEGGED it.

Teach a dance class. When I’m drunk I am CONVINCED I am the 5th member of Destiny’s Child (and not that LeToya chick). I actually need to make room on the dance floor so that the other patrons can experience the true joy of my moves (drunk logic). I will then inevitably teach anyone that wants to learn, the Slides (Electric and Cha Cha) and Saturday Night, occasionally the dance breakout from Slave 4 U, ALWAYS Deeper Shade of Blue by Steps.

Tell the truth. From telling my friend to dump the guy she was going to marry 3 weeks before the wedding, to telling all and sundry that I’m basically in love with them because Oh my God you’re so pretty, and kind, and friendly and I know we’ve only just met in the bog but I believe we could be BFFs, k?

Collect trophies. My old flat was FULL of objects I had managed to glean from a night out. Personal favourites include a veil made out of Waitrose carrier bags and an inflatable pink electric guitar stolen from a guy on an 80s hair band stag do. It may or may not have been used to perform ‘Summer of 69’ on stage with a live band in O’Neills.

Blog. I wrote this post about things drunk girls think is a good idea, on the bus, on the way home after a night out. AND it’s perfectly coherent.

Now you either think I’m a massive dick or I have huge game…

What are your best drunk memories?

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7 Comments

  1. Liz
    January 12, 2016 / 5:35 pm

    My partner’s friend works for a company that sells gadgets online and last time I got drunk I persuaded him (sort of) to sell my latest invention. I can’t remember what it was now but I know it was BLOODY BRILLIANT. I then got off the train 2 stops early because I was about to vomit and had to walk for an hour to get home. And that was pretty fricking sensible for Drunk Me.

    Liz x
    <a href="http://www.distractmenowplease.blogspot.com/">Distract Me Now Please</a>

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 14, 2016 / 9:18 am

      Absolute hero. Would love to know what this invention was!

  2. January 13, 2016 / 10:39 am

    You sound like the life and soul of the party! I want to be one of your friends and get drunk with you because you just sound so much fun, I also like to steal things when I’m drunk including traffic cones and signs put out by builders like ‘no smoking’. I also once ended up with a handmade cardboard crocodile outfit. I feel like we’d have so much fun together causing mischief haha! xx

    <a href="www.just-charlotte.com">Charlotte | Just Charlotte</a>

    • Vicky Jones
      Author
      January 14, 2016 / 9:18 am

      Haha come to London and let’s party!

  3. Jen
    January 13, 2016 / 8:39 pm

    Ditching a date?! Mean! Just say, Sorry love you’re not my type. Laters.

  4. January 17, 2016 / 7:56 pm

    LOVE this list! Especially your bunk on the Tinder date with Sloth!! I used to work on the door throughout college so spent most of my time watching people get drunk! It was hilarious! 80p has to be a record no?!

  5. July 10, 2016 / 10:54 am

    It takes A LOT to get me drunk, so I’ve only really been drunk twice in my life. One was awful and resulted in my vomiting all over a friend’s bathroom, and the other was great and just left me as a giggly fool! I must admit though, that I do love pretending to be more drunk than I am so I can be completely uninhibited and people just blame it on the drink.