After a V Day weekend of no gifts, underwhelming ready meals and trying to get into The Returned, an air of total disappointment has surrounded me. As ever, it got me grumbling over all of the things in life that leave me feeling cold. Here are just 10 of them.
Walking around Selfridges with no funds. Disappointing.
1. Beautiful men who are boring AF. Whether it’s someone who caught you rapping to JayZ at the train station (who then tries to chat you up) or the guy at the bar you’ve been stalk-staring at for a good few minutes, there’s nothing worse than finally engaging in conversation and realising they can barely string 3 words together. And then even those words are, ‘heavy’ or ‘legend’.
2. Flakes. No not the chocolate kind. They could never disappoint me. No, the kind of mate who arranges amazing plans with you to then cancel just when you reach peak excitement.
3. Foundation matching. Under Selfridges angelic like glow you look like an absolute doll in your new Giorgio Armani. But at home, normally as you’re getting ready to go out out, you look like you’re jaundiced. That’s £38 you’ll never see again.
4. Bloggers. I’ve been lucky in that 99% of the girls I’ve met so far have been absolute dolls and even friendlier/livelier than their online personalities. However, there’s nothing quite as disheartening as meeting someone you like and interact well with to find they left all of their je ne sai quoi in their latest blog post.
5. Sexters that can’t sex. Might be purely the singletons domain here but find me a single lady who hasn’t built up the anticipation with a future sexual partner by discussing, ‘what you’d do if you were here,’ to be ultimately disappointed by their performance. You said you’d do bits to me for hours but you came in your pants after 5 minutes love.
6. Dick pics. On that theme, I only know a handful of women who have solicited a naughty snap to be pleased with it. Why is his hand all over it? It’s not even erect! Why is he resting it atop the sink, against the bathroom mirror like a sad slug?
7. Fancy restaurants. It’s all well and good when your beau wants to take you to a Michelin starred gaff so he can elicit a, ‘boy done good,’ FB status but when you get there and after 3 courses still need a large pepperoni pizza? Devastating.
8. Nights out that are just out, not out out. We’ve all been there. Eyebrows at their fleekiest and outfits on their pointiest, ready to hit the town and rack up the phone numbers taken just for the night to fall flat. You had every intention of dancing to the Electric Slide until 2am but 3 G&Ts in a Spoons later and you’re tucked up in bed still sober enough to take of all your make up.
9. Concerts. You’ve listened to Beyonce all the way to the o2 to remember all of the song words and to get that booty warmed up enough to shake, but get there, realise you’re 1000 feet away from the stage and can’t see anything. Also why is everyone screaming? Plus it seems like you watch the support act for 5 hours whilst Queen B is on for 5. All the disappointment.
10. Internet dating in general. There’s a rule of thumb here. If they don’t look like a thumb, they’ll have the personality of one. If they do look like a thumb, they’re probably the most hilarious and intelligent person you could meet. Such a let down.
What disappoints you most in life?