I am very lucky to have a great group of friends, online and off. They enjoy being regaled with my dating horror stories and sparse successes. But one thing I’ve heard from a lot of them is that my standards, when it comes to men, are too high.
I mean, maybe.
What is too high though? After years of bad relationships, where I have let a lot of things slide or accepted treatment that is less than I deserve, I am terrified of letting that happen again. So I suppose I’ve gone the other way. Perhaps too extremely. Maybe I’ll let you be the judge.
Are my standards too high if I expect:
Frequent attention? I don’t need to be texted every 5 minutes or seen every day but I do expect the odd message here and there with a compliment (or 5000) and to be told I’m being thought of. Plus if you can’t/don’t want to see me for weeks on end, are you really that into me?
I know so many people clinging on to relationships where their partners can go days without as much as a text because they’re hanging or ‘busy’ but I just wouldn’t accept that crappy behaviour. If you really like someone, you’d find 2 minutes to send a message or drop a quick call.
Plans to be kept? If you sack me off more than once, circumstantial or not, you’re going in the bin. Please don’t waste my time. I know this might be hasty and sometimes people can’t help cancelling but I just don’t imagine telling the Grandkids about how we met 3 months after our original date was planned because Pops was as flaky AF.
Again, many men and women stick by flaky people who keep pieing them for more attractive arrangements. Do you like not being someone’s priority?
Thoughtfulness? I’m not materialistic and I certainly don’t need weekly gifts (be nice though right?) I don’t think it’s too much for a SO to run me a bath if I’m tired, cook for me if I’m running late or take me out to do something I’d like once in a while.
I know I’m guilty of being in relationships where it’s all about the other person. You do their washing because you know they’ve had a crappy day or you forgo an already planned date night because the lads want to watch football. With the right person, this selflessness can be a great thing – because you get it back equally. But often, it’s a slippery slope of forever being let down.
Good sex? I’ve dumped people that are perfectly nice on paper and in all other aspects because they have no stamina in bed/make weird sex faces and noises. It’s important that the person you’re investing time in is just a little bit Johnny from Dirty Dancing in the sack amirite?
We all know people that are stuck in relationships where the sex is bad. Either they’re not having it or they’re having it badly. This is not that hard to fix. Communicate, open up and if it still doesn’t improve MOVE ON. Life is too short to expect bad boning.
I understand that in some extreme examples it can seem that I’m being unreasonable. For example, I must be fully into them over text and during our first date if they are to get another shot or they can’t have a ridiculous name. I’m also quite fussy when it comes to careers but only because I’m attracted to people with drive and hate pilots.
Having ‘too high’ standards to me screams; ‘take me out every night!’ Or ‘buy me all the flowers’, not some of these prerequesites that just seem basic.
I personally think the things I have mentioned should be the bare minimum standard in any relationship, but you tell me. Are my standards too high? Or should I start asking my friends about their standards?