10 things about blogging that are like crack

Soz but if you’re a self righteous, ‘I do it for pure enjoyment,’ style blogger GTFO now because this post will not be relatable to you. For the rest of us, that crave the glory 11+ Insta likes provides us, you gon’ understand.

Photo credit: Caitlin Photo credit: Caitlin

1. Every blogger has an amount of page views per day they believe is ‘big time’. Mine is 2k. Previously, I have NEVER had that many. Then the ‘Sluts’ post happened. 1k in a few hours and over 2k in just one day. NGL, felt like Kim Kardashian. The problem though? Every day that brings in ‘only’ 300 views is basically a write off and OMFG why am I even leaving bed, I’m Jonathan Cheban.

2. Waiting for the Moz update to come round is, I imagine, what if feels like to collect your pension as a Senior Citizen. The wait seems like ages but then the day arrives and MAKE THE DA RAIN. But not always because Moz can taketh just as it can giveth.

3. Being recognised out and about for your blog makes you the most self entitled/important prick going- in your own head. You fully start to believe your own hype and can’t actually believe that you ‘only’ have the amount of followers you have because, ‘I genuinely don’t think Tanya Burr gets asked about her blog this much.’  The one time you’ve been recognised instantly makes you believe that everytime you go out someone will approach you and you really hope it’s when you’re on a date so your beau can see what a popular chick he has.

4. Hitting those blog milestones feels as good as finding a MAC lipstick in a bottom of a handbag, that you thought you had lost. Whether it be in the tens, hundreds or thousands. HOWEVER you then begin frantically chasing the dragon and obsessing over how quickly you can get to the next one.

5. Seeing another blogger has written about you or linked you when you check your referrals makes you do a tiny sex wee. SOMEONE LOVES ME.  You rapidly rush to their blog just to witness the plaudits they have lauded on you. Thanks bbz. Do more pls.

6. One event invite per week just isn’t enough. Especially when at said event at least 3 different strangers approach you to discuss Train Guy and you’ve basically made new best friends and who doesn’t need all the attention.

7.  Follow Friday is like Prom Queen nominations in the blogging world. The more you get, the more you want. Last week only 6 people #FFed me and this week we’re on 10 before lunch time. WHY HAVE 4 PEOPLE UNFOLLOWED? What is the bleeding point.

8. Looking at your Twitter analytics to see how many RTs your latest post has gotten and OMFG we’re nearly at 100 and my reach is like 400k but why have only 0.5% of you clicked the link? Stingy, non link clicking bitches.

9.  When your ‘fave blogger in the world ever’ engages with you about a post you have written, it is almost as euphoric as that first festival wee when you’ve been holding it in for 16 hours. The rush of emotions is just too overwhelming and you begin plotting just exactly what you can do to get their attention again. FRIEND ME PLEASE.

10. Seeing comments on your latest post rack up is easily equivalent to smashing 3 Tinder matches in a row. HEY MISS POPULAR. But you’re definitely now too popular to comment back on ALL of them. Leave an air of mystery yo.

OR don’t be such a dick that these things actually in whole apply to you. This is fairly tongue in cheek. Unless you’re exactly the same then HEY SISTAH wanna get in on some of this crack?

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16 Comments

  1. Carrie Richmond (CazmosWorld)
    February 3, 2016 / 7:56 am

    Haha, genuinely laughed out loud at all of these and then realised I laughed because I recognise myself in every single one. SHIT!

    I have only ever been recognised while out and about once.. by a women who works in Tesco. I felt all amazing and could have sworn everyone looking at me since that date has recognised me… but more than likely it’s because I have toilet paper stuck to my shoe!

    Great post… as always!

    Carrie xo
    http://www.cazmosworld.com/

  2. Eli Dumas
    February 3, 2016 / 10:05 am

    So true, that’s why I’ve decided to close all my social media accounts and just go back to actually blogging. I’m not going to spend the little spare time I’ve got promoting my blog and stressing about the results and analytics when it’s just a hobby of mine.

  3. Eli Dumas
    February 3, 2016 / 10:05 am

    So true, that’s why I’ve decided to close all my social media accounts and just go back to actually blogging. I’m not going to spend the little spare time I’ve got promoting my blog and stressing about the results and analytics when it’s just a hobby of mine.

  4. Jessica Metliss
    February 3, 2016 / 10:06 am

    You’ve made my Wednesday. As your probably least social media-popular blogging BFF, I’m very proud to say I’m your mate. I don’t think I’ve ever hit any of these landmarks, except when a girl asked Avi if he’s the guy who’s girlfriend always shares those annoying Facebook uploads of her blog posts. #WINNING.

  5. Rachel
    February 3, 2016 / 11:00 am

    Hahaha, absolutely loved reading this post!! Made my day x

  6. February 3, 2016 / 12:08 pm

    Haha, number 9 is so true. I get far more excited about blogger interaction than I ever would about a celebrity to be honest.

    Rachel | http://www.currentlyrachel.com

  7. February 3, 2016 / 1:39 pm

    I’M SO DEAD THOUGH WHY ARE ALL OF THESE TRUE.

    seriously though, clicketh the links, leave the tab open for a bit so you don’t fuck up my bounce rate and then go on your merry way. IT’S NOT HARD. ffs. :’)))

    Fii x

  8. Becky Bedbug
    February 3, 2016 / 4:34 pm

    I wouldn’t know how it feels to be recognised out and about…

  9. Ami
    February 3, 2016 / 8:37 pm

    Haha, number 8 was me the other day. What did they actually like about my tweet if they didn’t even read the article, or at least click on it!

    Ami x

  10. February 5, 2016 / 3:37 pm

    This made me laugh so much. So true. I wish it wasn’t, but oh, it is!

  11. February 5, 2016 / 4:42 pm

    Anyone who denies this is true, just keep telling yourself that babes. Also I would prefer to be me than Johnathan Cheban. Seriously man pull it together xxxx
    http://www.fashionnomads.com

  12. Frankie Winter
    February 5, 2016 / 8:09 pm

    Oh god I used to be all over 1 and 2. Then the stress got too much and I cracked. Now embracing the full on ostrich blogging. This is where I stick my head in the sand and ignore the fact that stats and metrics are even a thing. I’m either going to look at them one day and be pleasantly surprised or have one full on meltdown. Probably the second. Knowledge that it is probably the second keeps me too nervous to even peek. But you can be damned sure I’m fawning all over my Instagram numbers with the hows and whys and the WHAT IN THE FLYING DUCK IS GOING ON HEREs XD

  13. SparklesofLight Blog
    February 9, 2016 / 8:28 pm

    I’ve never been recognised anywhere but you can bet when I do I’ll be making diva demands thinking I’m Kanye.

    Rosy | sparklesoflight76.blogspot.co.uk

  14. Tania Dutton
    February 20, 2016 / 7:39 pm

    I love this post! I can completely relate to no.s 2 & 4 in particular. Plus there’s the MOZ HAVE DELAYED THE UPDATE!?! WHY!?! Like REALLY!?! DO THEY NOT REALISE WHAT THIS MEANS!?! Honestly, I stayed up the entire night of my first update & was sooooooo disappointed that it was put back. That & sleep deprived! Haha. Xx

    Tania | whentaniatalks.com