The Whatsapp Boys Graveyard. Ah what a wondrous sight it is to behold. That special archive of dreams where fuckboys and gobshites alike can be sent to, once their creeping levels get too damn high.
If you’re wondering where to find it, scroll down on your chats and press ‘Archive’ and you’ll magically see everyone you’ve half deleted-but-not-wholly-incase-of-LOLs.
I was first turned on to this term by Corinne and then further enamoured by its deepest corners after Hayley’s post. So it got me thinking about the type of cretins that reside in mine and the 10 things they did that got them there.
Get in the sea boys
1. You’re meh. We’ve been talking for a long time. Sometimes you’re funny. I’m always funnier. That’s unnattractive. I just don’t know if I CBA to meet up with you. There’s nothing you’re doing to warrant staying on my main chat page.
2. You’re a full quilt. We arranged 2 dates and you bailed on both. Because you were Karen *cough**cough* I’m sick. Stop wasting my time and get into the emoji bin.
3. You’re boring. Your messages only consist of, ‘Hey’, ‘How’s you?’ Or ‘How was work?’ I don’t need that kind of drudgery on my current chats page.
4. You’re too needy. You double texted me after an hour. Message 1: Are you free this week? Message 2: Guess not. A) Have some patience. B) Have some dignity.
5. You’re not funny. I was having a conversation once with a guy about our best Cards Against Humanity rounds and his was just not funny. And a little bit racist. To the graveyard you go!
6. You sent an unsolicited dick pic. We were having a perfectly fine Tinder conversation about TV and work but as soon as you have my number, you want to send me the 3D aubergine? No son.
7. You sent an underwhelming dick pic. We were sexting. You wanted to send it. It wasn’t good my friend. Sorry. Call it the lighting, or the filter but tell it to my archives.
8. You’ve already been binned. BUT I may decide that I made a terrible mistake and want to talk to you again.
9. You binned me. BUT you may decide you made a terrible mistake and want to talk to me again.
10. You’re making me want to double text you. You’ve blue ticked me and haven’t replied for 3 days. To the graveyard you go. It erases all temptation to be *that* girl and hound you.
So, with my current boys graveyard count on 32, make me feel better – how’s yours looking?