Hey Lucy, just wanted to say that I’ve had a great few dates with you but I’m just not looking for anything serious right now. Good luck!
Amanda, you’re an amazing girl but I’m just not looking to take things any further. I’m sure you’ll find someone that will make you happy. All the best in finding a relationship!
Two very real and very patronising texts my friends have received whilst dating. Put that on top of actual conversations on dates that go something like:
‘What is it you’re looking for? Because I really don’t want a relationship right now, I just want to have fun so if you’re looking for something more serious then let me know now.’
Which is what my friend Anna had to endure. You can start to see why the ‘marriage and kids assumption’ is a very real thing.
Is it the fact I’m nearly 30? Or that I live alone, am in a professional career and I am fully stable that makes men assume that I’m on the husband hunt?
My friend Amanda is different, she’s been single longer and is more actively looking for ‘the one’ but this is not something she tells the guys she’s dating, preferring to, y’know, SEE HOW IT GOES.
The marriage and kids assumption is the prediction that all of my single friends and I are dating solely with the outlook of bagging a husband. For some reason, this terrifies men. Oh those of almost unlimited fertility. And it’s something we have to battle on the dating scene.
Here’s my stance. I enjoy dating. I enjoy the POSSIBILITY of meeting ‘the one’ but I also enjoy meeting new people, dating for dating’s sake and dating people who I just really fancy. But for some men, not knowing your position on things leads them to make the ‘marriage and kids assumption’ which can lead them to calling things off when things appear to be getting more serious.
I didn’t realise this was a thing until I had been ghosted on a few times after dates, only for the guys to resurrect themselves from the graveyard with explanations of, ‘Sorry I called things off, I didn’t want to get too serious too quickly’ and AN ACTUAL QUOTE…
‘My friends are taking the piss out of me for being a Darren Day and dating when I should really be looking to settle down with someone like you even though that’s not what I want.’
Darren Fucking Day. Jog on and don’t flatter yourself pal.
There’s something seriously egotistical in the ‘marriage and kids assumption’. These dates are ASSUMING you actually want a relationship with them which then in turn freaks them out. REALLY? Listen love, I don’t want a relationship with anyone unless I fancy them as much as I do Becks and they are as funny as The Office so PLEASE don’t assume I’m all about ready to lock your shit down.
So how do you combat the ‘marriage and kids assumption?’ I haven’t quite got it cracked just yet but perhaps saying to guys fairly early on that you are the one not rushing into a relationship and you are happy to carry on dating and just see how things go seems like a pretty good idea.