I neeeed you to tell me what to do. I’ve been seeing this guy since just before Christmas. He’s ridiculously hot (and knows it), charming, outgoing and ugh, I just really like him. We’ve been on a few dates but the rest of the time we spend together is so relationshippy! We are always at his, cooking together and watching TV, it’s bliss. I’ve come off of the Internet dating apps out of respect but every so often I see a ‘Congratulations you’ve got a new match’ notification pop up on his phone, which is fine because we’re not official. We’ve had the chats about ‘what this is’ and I agreed with him that we should just see how things go. I really want him to be my boyfriend so how can I make him want that too?
Ok I think my advice here has to be two-pronged. One avenue I’ll explore is the wannabe-agony-aunt-soft and gentle approach and the other will be the advice I’d give to a friend face to face where I could easily defend a punch to the tit.
It sounds to me like your guy is just not ready to commit. Whether that’s with anyone or because he’s not really feeling it with you. I would suggest that you need to take a step back to protect your feelings. If he wants to commit, he will but if you’re feeling that you like him more than he likes you, you might need to reassess whether you should be putting up with that.
SEE I can be kind and flowery around the obvious here.
The obvious being HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.
Sorry boo but imma have to give it to you straight and in a way I write best…
1. Anyone who acts as if they know they are hot stuff are usually self important twats who need their ego constantly stroking. You can do better.
2. That time spent together is not ‘relationshippy’, I fear that actually he’s not into you enough to wine, dine and woo you and would much rather you constantly make the journey to his for easy food, fucking and Flixing. You can do better.
3. WHY would you come off the dating apps if he hasn’t done the same? I’m the same as you, if I start seeing someone I really like, it’s a welcome break from soul-sucking Tinder and if he felt the same, he wouldn’t need to swipe til his thumbs are sore. You can do better.
4. These ‘what is this?’ chats are basically him saying, ‘I don’t know what I want,’ ‘I think we shouldn’t put any labels on it,’ ‘let’s just see how it goes,’ and you agreeing because saying to him, ‘We’ve been seeing each other on the reg for a good while now so I think we should look at becoming official,’ is just too scary and full of rejection fear for you. You can do better.
5. You can’t ‘make’ him be your boyfriend when, I’m sorry to say, it’s obvious he doesn’t want to be. For the people in the back, YOU CAN DO BETTER.
Bin this jumped up little prick and find the one who is DYING to make it official with you. The one who wines and dines you and the one who doesn’t make you question how much they are into you because they are not cowardly enough to be straight with you. You got it going on sweets!
The moral of the story here is clear. You can’t MAKE someone want to lock your shit down. It’s black and white, in my eyes. Either they like you a lot and see a future (then YAY all the heart eye emojis for you) or they don’t and are happy dicking you about whilst you accept the shoddy treatment. Set your sights higher and if commitment is what you want, don’t search for it in a fuckboy.