I received this message on Happn a couple of weeks ago…
‘Hi Vix, what would be your ideal first date?’ I responded with honesty, ‘Something fun like a themed brunch or the theatre is always romantic but alternatively sometimes a quick drink is just as good to get to know each other.’ In the few minutes after my response and before his, I genuinely thought to myself, ‘ooh maybe he’s going to say he’ll take me somewhere nice!’
Nah. The response I got back was so blunt in its transparency that it almost stung.
‘I don’t think there’s any girl out there that’s worth spending that much money on, on the first date! Ha. A drinking session down the local pub is always a good shout.’
I was already starting to get fed up with the lack of romance in dating that I’ve witnessed lately and this just added to my fears. I’m afraid that romance is dead.
The last few guys I’ve dated have had so much promise on the first date. ‘Quiet drinks’ turned into a couple of hours of laughter, flirting and eventually some ‘waiting for a taxi’ snogging. I was immediately messaged by them suggesting date number 2 and my hopes were high each time. Except when ‘date 2’ was mooted it was always a hugely lacklustre suggestion of ‘come round mine/yours and cook and watch a film.’ That’s not a date. That’s Netflix and Chill with a few ribbons on and it’s just so unromantic.
I have absolutely no problem with people who are dating, who are just wanting a fuckbuddy or a No Strings Attached fling. Play on playa. But I’m past that now. Past the feeling of showing interest in someone, treating them nicely and catching the feels to just receive disinterest in getting to know me in return.
When was the last time you heard someone talk about being wooed or swept of their feet? Someone who was whisked off on a nice date, spent the whole evening getting to know each other and then spent subsequent days getting excited about a second date? I just don’t know if it happens any more. Not for me anyway.
It’s not even about the man lavishing the woman with expensive dinners and gifts. That’s not romance to me. God knows how much I hate, ‘boy did good’ attention seeking updates. There’s never the expectation that the man should always pay, from me anyway, but I do have to admit, it does feel nice to be treated. I ALWAYS offer to go halves and buy rounds but on a recent date I went on, the guy was so insistent on making a point that ‘it’s your round next’ that it put me off. I did realise it was my round and I would’ve gone to the bar as soon as I’d finished my G&T but the constant forcing of it just screamed unromantic.
So what do I deem romance? For me, being romanced means feeling like the person who you’re dating is excited to date you. They want to spend hours talking about you, figuring you out. They want to see you as often as possible because they enjoy the rush of feelings they feel when they’re around you. They find out your likes and passions and try to appeal to that in their date suggestions and they’re just not afraid to show that they are enjoying dating you.
Reading that back has made me realise that the guys I’ve dated recently, however much I might have fancied or liked them, just haven’t been good enough for me. The only way I’m going to get romance, is to hold out for the person who wants to give it freely.
If statistics show that 90% of the guys I’ve dated have not romanced me, it could suggest that romance is dead. Or, it could suggest that there’s 10% out there who are just waiting to whisk me off my feet.