Vix’s Fixes #3: My partner is sexting someone else

Hey Vix,

On Saturday I looked at my boyfriend’s phone for some pictures of a wedding we went to last summer. I noticed he had taken a picture of his penis. A picture he definitely did not send me. This led me to do the psycho girlfriend thing and check his messages. Lo and behold, he had been sexting a girl that he works with. It doesn’t look like he’s actually cheated on me but they were talking about things they want to do to each other. She sent him a topless selfie – she’s rough as anything! Help, what do I do?

Oh this is a biggie. Because this is why I’m single now. So I feel ya sister, I really really feels ya.

First up, don’t denigrate the other girl. Trust me. Done it. His penis hasn’t led himself to her because she’s better than you, that’s never how it works. Y’know if my ex had been whatsapping a Cheryl Cole lookalike, he might’ve gotten a pat on the back but it’s never why this happens.

All eyes wander in a relationship. It happens. You’re always going to find other people attractive. It’s how you manage this feeling that seperates you from being normal and an utter knob.

The great thing about being a human and having a brain is that you are able to make choices. To eat the cookie when you’re dieting or to stick with salad. To watch Geordie Shore instead of Attenborough. Your boyfriend? He made a concious choice to seek attention elsewhere.

He will tell you it is nothing. That it’s ‘just texts’. He will act shocked that you even think it’s a big deal. He will tell you she approached him first and that he’s weak and it was just a bit of fun. He will tell you that it means nothing. Don’t believe him.

For what it’s worth, I think sexting is cheating. I think that any time romantic or sexual feelings are projected outside of a relationship, that’s cheating.

If he was horny, or wanted attention, he should’ve focussed that on you. His partner. He should’ve seduced you. Sent you the dick pic and communicated to you, his needs. But he didn’t. He made the choice, and it was a choice, to be selfish. To think only of his own gratification.

Ask yourself, do you want to be with someone who seeks love and affection elsewhere? Someone you cannot trust and someone who makes you feel like the ‘psycho girlfriend’?

I didnt. And I couldn’t be happier.

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  1. Jemma
    May 20, 2016 / 5:54 am

    Loud clap xxxx

  2. Imii Mace
    May 20, 2016 / 7:46 am

    Yasssss girl! xox

  3. Lexie
    May 20, 2016 / 8:41 am

    Excellent advice X

  4. Alice Red
    May 20, 2016 / 10:29 am

    Vix, this is exactly the advice I would have given. I’m so glad that you’re happier without your stupid ex!

    And to the person who wrote this to you: I’m sorry you’re going through this. You can do so much better. x

  5. May 20, 2016 / 12:11 pm

    Exactly what I would have said too. Sexting is most definitely cheating and also, if a guy does it once, it’s likely that he will do it again.

    End this relationship now, it will be hard but you’re worth so so much better than this xx

  6. May 20, 2016 / 6:09 pm

    Oh what a horrible situation! I do think there’s a line between flirting and sexting – flirting would upset me but could maybe be forgiven, but dick pics? Nah mate!

    Jess xo

  7. Laura
    May 21, 2016 / 6:52 am

    Great advice. Don’t let him get away with it. If you do end up confronting him and he gives you bologni that it didn’t mean anything blah blah blah, just know that if you forgive him it will become a cycle because he will do it again or even more than ‘dick pics’ xx