I’ve always had a ‘cool girl’ theory, long before Gillian Flynn summed it up perfectly in the now infamous, ‘Gone Girl’ speech. I used to think that all girls that drank pints were trying to be seen as ‘cool’ by boys because EW why would anyone other than a bloke choose to drink beer. Then I grew up, stopped being so judgemental and saw that Flynn summed it up more succinctly;
Cool Girls that drink cider and eat pulled pork burgers *sunglass face emoji*
Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.
I’ve known girls that are Cool Girl. Fuck, at times, I’ve tried to be Cool Girl.
The girl who laughs off every disgusting joke in the first 2 weeks of a relationship that you know they ould kick off about 6 months in.
The girl who pretends not to care that her fella is still on Tinder because ‘guys we’re not official yet, he can do what he wants.’
The girl who goes to football games and starts chants that then reverberate around a 60,000 seater stadium, when she’d rather be in Topshop, to keep her man happy.
The girl who pretends it took her 15 minutes to get ready when start to finish it was at least 4 seasons of Pretty Little Liars.
The girl who wears ‘just my slobby’ clothes for Netflix and Chill but actually crafted the perfect sexy loungewear outfit.
The girl who doesn’t reply to messages for hours so her guy thinks she’s out being popular but is actually at home watching Britain’s Got Talent with a face mask on.
The girl who pretends to go to the gym when actually she’s sat in McDonalds car park.
The girl who’s your boyfriend’s shoulder to cry on when things aren’t going well between you.
The girl who ‘gets on so much better with guys because women are such bitches.’
The girl who laughs off hurtful insults as ‘banter’ because God forbid the guy thinks you don’t have a sense of humour.
The girl who pretends to have watched Peep Show so she can laugh at his quotes.
The girl who doesn’t mind her bloke looking at other women because, ‘yeah she’s totally hot.’
So why do women pretend to be Cool Girl?
Cool Girl is a girl that women think men want. But is it? I’m sure most men want a woman who is authentic. And you know, if you’re a genuine Cool Girl then awesome, I’m sure there are some guys out there who will dig that. But I’m also sure there are plenty of guys out there who’d hate Cool Girl. Guys who hate women pretending to like sports. Guys who think it’s gross when a woman chugs a pint. This is obviously personal taste and there’s no judgement from me if you enjoy these things! There are also plenty of guys that will walk all over Cool Girl because she’s just too laid back to give them shit.
Trying to be Cool Girl, something you’re not, is showing a man that they can virtually dictate who you should be. Trying to be Cool Girl because you think it will make a man like you is so very bizarre because eventually the mask slips. Eventually the man realises that you do get offended by his jokes, that you do get jealous when he looks at other women, that you prefer love making to porn sex and that you prefer a deliciously sweet Cosmo to a fucking dirty pint of Guinness.
So if you find yourself trying to be Cool Girl, just stop. You’re a cool girl just as you are.
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