Cool Girl

I’ve always had a ‘cool girl’ theory, long before Gillian Flynn summed it up perfectly in the now infamous, ‘Gone Girl’ speech. I used to think that all girls that drank pints were trying to be seen as ‘cool’ by boys because EW why would anyone other than a bloke choose to drink beer. Then I grew up, stopped being so judgemental and saw that Flynn summed it up more succinctly;

Cool Girls that drink cider and eat pulled pork burgers *sunglass face emoji*  Cool Girls that drink cider and eat pulled pork burgers *sunglass face emoji*

Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.

I’ve known girls that are Cool Girl. Fuck, at times, I’ve tried to be Cool Girl.

The girl who laughs off every disgusting joke in the first 2 weeks of a relationship that you know they ould kick off about 6 months in.

The girl who pretends not to care that her fella is still on Tinder because ‘guys we’re not official yet, he can do what he wants.’

The girl who goes to football games and starts chants that then reverberate around a 60,000 seater stadium, when she’d rather be in Topshop, to keep her man happy.

The girl who pretends it took her 15 minutes to get ready when start to finish it was at least 4 seasons of Pretty Little Liars.

The girl who wears ‘just my slobby’ clothes for Netflix and Chill but actually crafted the perfect sexy loungewear outfit.

The girl who doesn’t reply to messages for hours so her guy thinks she’s out being popular but is actually at home watching Britain’s Got Talent with a face mask on.

The girl who pretends to go to the gym when actually she’s sat in McDonalds car park.

The girl who’s your boyfriend’s shoulder to cry on when things aren’t going well between you.

The girl who ‘gets on so much better with guys because women are such bitches.’

The girl who laughs off hurtful insults as ‘banter’ because God forbid the guy thinks you don’t have a sense of humour.

The girl who pretends to have watched Peep Show so she can laugh at his quotes.

The girl who doesn’t mind her bloke looking at other women because, ‘yeah she’s totally hot.’

So why do women pretend to be Cool Girl?

Cool Girl is a girl that women think men want. But is it? I’m sure most men want a woman who is authentic. And you know, if you’re a genuine Cool Girl then awesome, I’m sure there are some guys out there who will dig that. But I’m also sure there are plenty of guys out there who’d hate Cool Girl. Guys who hate women pretending to like sports. Guys who think it’s gross when a woman chugs a pint. This is obviously personal taste and there’s no judgement from me if you enjoy these things! There are also plenty of guys that will walk all over Cool Girl because she’s just too laid back to give them shit.

Trying to be Cool Girl, something you’re not, is showing a man that they can virtually dictate who you should be. Trying to be Cool Girl because you think it will make a man like you is so very bizarre because eventually the mask slips. Eventually the man realises that you do get offended by his jokes, that you do get jealous when he looks at other women, that you prefer love making to porn sex and that you prefer a deliciously sweet Cosmo to a fucking dirty pint of Guinness.

So if you find yourself trying to be Cool Girl, just stop. You’re a cool girl just as you are.

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  1. Sarah in Wonderland
    May 11, 2016 / 6:17 pm

    VIX, this is so good!!!
    I’ve known from very early on that I could never be the Cool Girl, I’m too honest and a shit liar, if boys didn’t like me, I didn’t really give a shit.
    I’m a massive football fan though, more so than my bf lol.

    Sarah x

  2. Liz
    May 11, 2016 / 6:31 pm

    Totally agree that it’s ridiculous to pretend to be something you’re not. However, I also believe that some women genuinely do prefer male company/drinking pints/having edgy sex/watching football. That doesn’t make them fakers. You also gotta remember that that Gone Girl character isn’t the most balanced individual….

    But yeah, no-one should ever pretend it’s OK to be treated like crap!

    Liz x
    <a href="">Distract Me Now Please</a>

  3. Phoebe
    May 12, 2016 / 8:44 pm

    Agree with the message on the whole, definitely, but some of the examples didn’t quite feel right to me. "The girl who’s your boyfriend’s shoulder to cry on when things aren’t going well between you" is me with my guy friends. "The girl who ‘gets on so much better with guys because women are such bitches.’" is me after spending seven years at an all-girls’ school (without using the word ‘bitches’, ugly word), though I cherish the female friends I choose to have all the more as a result. "The girl who doesn’t mind her bloke looking at other women because, ‘yeah she’s totally hot.’" is me because of the trust I have in my relationship (assuming we just mean a casual glance in the street or whatever rather than prowling for them online). I point out hot guys to my boyfriend (it’s nice to do things together…). I also like a good pint.

    Cool Girls are annoying as fuck, but only because they’re not real. For the girls – like myself – who do like video games and beer and shitty action films (who did I go to an Arnold Schwarzenegger all-night film event with? My best female friend) and all that ‘guy’ stuff, so long as it’s true to your personality then what the hey. Cool girls, without capitalisation, are true to themselves and assertive, and aren’t defined by their interests. Cool Girls are defined solely by their interests, real or imagined.

    Oh and if any guy said it was ‘gross’ that I drink pints, he would get binned swift as because he sounds pretty boring.

    • Phoebe Quinn
      May 12, 2016 / 8:50 pm

      *hot girls… I mean, I also point out hot guys but I meant that I point out hot girls to my boyfriend.

  4. Natasha
    May 15, 2016 / 7:04 pm

    I really like the premise of this post and the thing that I always take away from posts like these are that trying to be someone you’re not is always exhausting and in the end only serves to make you feel miserable. I’m 25 now and I’ve gone through many different ‘phases’ in my life where I’ve tried to be more grown up, shelved away and hidden the little quirks about myself that make me ‘me’ so that I can appear more ‘normal’ and fit in with the crowd and it’s only until a couple of years ago that I realised that that only makes me unhappy and that the friends I have who are truly interested in me and have stayed by my side all of these years, have done so because I’m me, little quirks and all and I think that’s what I like the most about this post, especially the line, "So if you find yourself trying to be Cool Girl, just stop. You’re a cool girl just as you are." Great, thought-provoking post! – Tasha

  5. Lauren Aitchison
    May 18, 2016 / 12:49 pm

    Such a nice post. You can’t win either way as a woman, because if you do have interests that are traditionally ‘male’, then you’re only doing it for the attention of men! It’s so much hard work being someone else, that if you can’t win, you may as well be yourself. x

  6. Carolanne Johnson
    October 30, 2016 / 10:52 am

    Great post Vix, one thing I’ve always noticed is how females can spot the fake ‘cool girl’ a mile off yet most men can’t see it. It used to annoy me, but then I realised maybe I’ve been seen as the ‘cool girl’ to other females myself, and everyone can see through a fake persona in the end so it’s best just to be yourself. P.s. I’d rather have a dirty pint over a cosmo but maybe that’s a Northern thing! Xo