Why strong women need strong men

Before you get all, Pussycat Dolls; ‘I don’t need a man to make it happen, I get off being free.’ on me, just listen. Strong women – us of pure sass, killer ass and nurturing nature need to stop looking for love in weak ass little bitches that we think we can fix and start looking to be loved by strong men.

Again, before you pounce on me for being, ‘totally 1950s’, I’d just like to say that actually, NO, I don’t think women NEED men at all. If it wasn’t for the fact I want kids, I’d be happy being 80 and still pounding my way through Tinder, lunching on my lonesome, all whilst getting my daily gin supply intravenously in the nursing home.

I don’t need a man to validate me, occupy me or own me. But I’d like one to look after me from time to time.

See, the problem with strong women is that your strength is taken for granted. You’re always the fixer. The listener. The mother. The provider. The nurturer. The entertainer. The organiser. The bloody well everything.

You’re there for your man when work isn’t going well. Or his team have lost. Or the boys have ditched him. Or he wants to be told it’s OK to make an outlandish purchase. But sometimes you need him to be there for you.

I know in previous relationships I’ve fallen into the ‘fixer trap’. The hole you dig yourself into where you’re just so bleeding nice and helpful that you end up getting taken for granted and all of your own feelings and emotions get pushed to one side, in favour of caring more about the other person.

Strong women and weak men is a potent combination. Who seeks who out? How do they end up together? But you see it all the time. She’s playing the mother role whilst he still acts like a 5 year old.  He can act like a totally selfish knob but it’s OK because she sees the potential in him to grow.

For lots of strong women, this is a comfortable situation. They get to feel needed and wanted. They get to feel like the investment they have made in their man will pay off once they have helped him to upgrade himself. However, that shit gets old REAL quick.

That’s why strong women need a strong man. A strong man who knows that relationships are give and take. One that will happily pour out his most negative emotions but quickly check himself and make sure his partner is OK too. A strong man can sense when his woman needs him to be strong and will naturally take the reigns and let her lean on him for a while. Not too long so that she feels she isn’t needed, but long enough so that she feels safe.

Strong men also don’t need fixing. They aren’t carrying heavy baggage. They aren’t on and off quicker than the knickers on Love Island. They’re consistent. They let their strong woman know – through words and actions – that they are there to be relied on.

So how do you spot a strong man? I don’t know if there any signs that will help you spot one. If there were, they’d all be snapped up in some fiendish Strong Man Sample Sale. Knowing you’ve found a strong man comes from spending time with him and getting to know him. Do you need to question his feelings? Do you feel like you’re bothering him with your thoughts and emotions? Does he make you feel safe? Does he let the change of wind knock him for six?

Asking these questions can really help you determine if you’ve got a strong’un or if you’re lumbered with a man child.

And if you’ve got a strong’un? Husband that shit up immediately. And if you’ve got a weakling? Dump him quicker than he dumps his emotional woes on you.

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  1. Kate
    June 14, 2016 / 3:34 pm

    I think this post has finalised the fact the decision I made at the weekend was probably the right one. Had a close relative die and my boyfriend of almost 4 years was less there for me than my bosses over the past week, so I really needed to see this. Sometimes you just need someone to be there for you and act like your boyfriend.


  2. June 14, 2016 / 3:40 pm

    I have a strong’un now never knew I was the fixer in relationships until I met James and I had nothing to fix! Think I met him because when I did I was happy and not destructive. All other boyfs have only been in my life when I’ve been a mess! X

  3. Kara O'Brien
    June 14, 2016 / 7:35 pm

    Vix, this post is so on form. Last October I broke up with my weak ass little bitch of a boyfriend who I had actually had a child with (she was a very pleasant surprise, and I wouldn’t change THAT for the world). Looking back, I was one hundred percent in fixer mode from the very first time we met to the moment I decided to walk out the door. Been single ever since and am honestly the happiest I’ve ever been. When and if I let another man back into my life again, it’s going to be a strong one for sure!