The more I listen to ‘Hold Up’, the song apparently written by Beyonce about her cheating husband JayZ, the more it resonated with my own experience of being cheated on.
‘They don’t love you like I love you.’ When guys cheat, they aren’t looking for love or to be loved. They’re looking for someone to flirt with and flatter their ego. But you? You’re frustrated because you know how much you love that person.
‘Can’t you see there’s no other man above you?’ You feel frustrated that you made this man your everything and he only saw you as an option.
‘What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you.’ You know you’ve treated your man right. Birthday gifts, surprise trips, cooking for him, seducing him, making him laugh, watching sports with him. And he can still do this? You wonder what else you needed to do, when you know you’ve done everything.
‘What’s worse looking jealous or crazy?’ In the aftermath, you feel complete DESPISE for the girl. What does she have that you don’t? She’s prettier. She’s sexier. She’s more interesting. And then comes the crazy. You want to rip him to shreds. HOW DARE HE?
‘Or walked all over lately.’ If you decide to stay, you feel like you’re going to need to get MUG tattooed over your forehead. People KNOW what he’s done. If you haven’t gone crazy at him and stuck him in the doghouse, then you feel like you’re being taken for a ride.
‘Something don’t feel right, because it ain’t right.’ Everyone, including myself, that has been cheated on, has had the inkling. Whether you begin feeling crazy and untrusting or have the urge to check his phone – it’s your subconscious telling you something isn’t right.
‘Going through your call list.’ I WILL READ EVERY MESSAGE. You will torture yourself by wanting to dig through everything so that there are no more surprises. Oh you picked her up whilst I ran a marathon to support a cancer charity when my Mum was dying of cancer? Fab.
‘Know that I kept it sexy, know that I kept it fun.’ You ask yourself if things were going stale. If you were getting boring. But deep down you know it wasn’t you. You know you were a freak in the sheets and an entertaining, intellectual, fun Bish on the streets.
‘Oh it’s such a shame, let this good love go to waste.’ Yeah it’s a shame. But it’s his shame. You know you kept that top tier, 5 star, backseat lovin’ and it really is his fuck up.
Maybe you stay like Bey, or maybe, after the second time, you leave like me but whatever you do, however you handle it, is right for you. Unless you’re cutting his shit up. Don’t do that.