If you’re a blogger reading this, you will definitely recognise some of the age old adages that have crossed your mind. If you’re not a blogger – it’s time to decode what we say and what we really mean.
All my fave bloggers together. Actually means, all my fave bloggers together.
1. ‘Can I RSVP to this event?’ Actually means, can you put me on the guest list so I feel cool but the chances of me actually turning up depend on who I know that’s going, if there’ll be food and how far away it is.
2. ‘I’ve been taking a break for a while.’ Actually means, I am exhausted of all good blog content and I don’t know how many more, ‘Fave MAC lipstick of the month’, posts I can get away with before you all put me on Twitter blast.
3. ‘I was lucky enough to be sent…’ Actually means, a PR approached me, I thought – hey I like free stuff, but now I actually need to give it some exposure when I really can’t be arsed to trial it and photograph it.
4. ‘Hanging out with my blogger babes.’ Actually means a few girls that I really like and a whole bunch I barely tolerate but I like looking popular when I add videos of us all posing together to my Snapchat story.
5. ‘I don’t care about page views.’ Actually means, ‘I really care about page views.’ And that one day I slipped below 10 because I forgot to advertise my posts made me want to get into bed with an Adele album playing but instead of missing a man, I miss my readers.
6. ‘Readers are more important than followers.’ Actually means, I’d much rather have a ton of people engaged as opposed to fake followers but let’s do a giveaway to try and get me to my next milestone.
7. ‘I’d never buy followers.’ Actually means, I’ve thought about it at some point but realised I’d never get away with it / it’s a hugely douchey thing to do.
8. ‘The blogging community is so supportive.’ Actually means the majority of girls who have your back no matter what sat alongside the ones that do your head in on the daily.
9. ‘I want to blog full-time.’ Actually means, I’d like to give up work to be able to write for my own brand full time where I can make an equivalent amount of money I currently make but not have to get up at 6.15am every day, leave the house if I don’t want to or brainstorm blog posts from my local Starbies.
10. ‘Blogging is my life.’ Actually means that when I wake up, during the day and when I sleep I’m thinking about my little corner of the net. I’m thinking of my followers and the ones that always comment. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that my next post goes viral and I’m wondering what exciting email will fall into my inbox today.
Hopefully you’ve noticed the tongue in cheekness of this post. What I actually mean is, idc.