Are you a catfish?

On a recent date, I regaled my suitor for the evening with my many tales of awkward dates, running away and monkey boners. I asked for his dating stories in return and he (like other guys I have dated) stated that he hadn’t had any ‘weird’ dates but lots of dates where the girl didn’t exactly look as described. It got me thinking, are we all capable of catfishing? Do we think that presenting the polished versions of ourselves will nab us the perfect partner?

My aforementioned date said that he’d matched with a girl on Tinder and all of her pictures were the standard – ‘hold the phone up high, pointing down’ – selfie with just the right amount of boobs and pretty face to catch a male’s attention. However upon meeting her for a date, he saw that she was overweight. He declared that wasn’t the reason he didn’t see her again,  however, it had annoyed him because, ‘a big part of dating is the attraction.’

I have a couple of problems here. Just because a girl is overweight doesn’t mean she’s not attractive BUT if a guy is not into a little extra junk in the trunk, is it his fault he wouldn’t find an overweight girl attractive? He didn’t actually choose to date someone with this body type – he’d only been attractive to her face and bio.

It’s not just weight that’s the issue. We’ve all heard of guys and girls who put up pictures taken years ago and turn up looking like they’ve put in a tough paper round before the date. Or girls who pile on the make up and men who ramp up the Snapchat filters who are then unrecognisable in the flesh.

As a girl on dating websites, the pressure to find the perfect pictures to hopefully catch the eye of Mr RIght is very real. The temptation is of course there to put up the most filtered, Facetuned and flattering photos because you want to give the best version of yourself. However if you make it as far as organising a date, the guy is always going to see you in your full natural glory. Surely it’s only fair that they know what they’re letting themselves in for. A whole lotta Game of Thrones chat and sizeable hips in my case. Probably spots. Definitely bloated.

We are subconsciously catfishing by putting up heavily edited photos due to insecurity and wanting to secure that match – that much is obvious – but does it bite you in the slightly wrinklier arse than the one that’s presented in your pics if they decide upon meeting, you’re not their bag?

It’s not just girls putting up prom pics to fool men into thinking they’re always that glam, men do it too. We all know the guy who puts in his profile that he’s 5’8″ for him to show up and be smaller than you. I just don’t understand the point in lying or missguiding people on these things when you will be found out eventually.

This further adds to my argument that meeting someone out and about will always outweigh meeting someone on dating sites because bar an unfortunate case of beer goggles or 2am desperation in the club, if you get chatted up on a night out it’s because a guy (or girl) fancies you and wants to get to know you better. With Internet dating, you don’t know if you actually fancy someone until you’ve awkwardly met at Clapham Junction train station and head butted each other upon greeting.

So what should you do? Like anything in life – honesty is the best policy. My Tinder pictures include 2 selfies that are taken in natural light (without Facetuning out my forehead wrinkles) 2 full length pics where you can see that my body is too bootylicious and vibealacious for you babe and 1 in a group shot where I’m probably the ugliest one. I have been told by guys on dates that they were pleasantly surprised I actually look like my photos.

Do I think I’d get more dates if I put up a smoothed out belfie (bum selfie), all pics with the dreamy Snapchat filter or a photoshopped bikini pic and described myself as ‘slim’ rather than ‘average’? Maybe. But do I really want to be with someone too stupid to work out that a girl is faking it and someone who might be disappointed when I turn up not as advertised? Like one of those terrible Chinese EBay dresses.

As I love an analogy, here’s one for you to summarise my point. Some people on dating websites love a plain hamburger, no fillings, just bread and pure meaty goodness that would look good in a Maccy Ds advert OTHERS however want it to be a double bacon cheeseburger with pickles falling out the side and that looks like you’ve ordered it from the back of a van. If you’re the perfect bun – get it girl but if you’re the dirty burger, you let that ketchup gloop out everywhere and bloody own it.

Someone, somewhere will find you delicious.

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  1. Jessica Ayton
    July 14, 2016 / 12:56 pm

    I enjoyed reading this vix!

    I think its hard getting the balance right in regards to pictures and bios on dating sites. Like you say you want to put yourself out there and attract the mister right but there’s a lot of other people trying to do the same thing.

    I do on the other hand think if you’re meeting someone and have only seen pictures you should take it with a pinch of salt 🙂 x

  2. July 15, 2016 / 10:18 am

    See now i want a dirty burger! Hahaaa! Great post Vix and totally agree that guys really are as bad as girls in this case. If only people were real with themselves and what they wanted maybe they wouldn’t need to try and meet unrealistic expectations. Once again great post x

  3. Lauren Aitchison
    July 16, 2016 / 10:48 pm

    I have good luck in that I’m not very photogenic! I 100% think I’m prettier in real life so I give guys a nice surprise when I meet them haha

  4. Zoe
    July 17, 2016 / 9:22 am

    I found this pretty interesting, I have done a lot of Internet dating through the likes of tinder etc and I must admit I do put up pictures where people may not be able to tell that I am overweight BUT if I’ve matched with someone and organised a date I have made sure I’ve sent them a full body picture so that they know exactly what I look like. I have even gone as far as to tell people that I am overweight before meeting them which I guess could put people off but I’d rather they know than be surprised when we do meet! My boyfriend (who I met on tinder) told me I look better in person than in pictures the first time we met so I guess being honest and showing them unedited/normal pics of you before meeting is probably best?

    Zoe xx

  5. Lexie
    July 18, 2016 / 10:43 am

    This is a brilliant post Vix- you are a hoot and a half and this makes very interesting reading… it’s something I’ve often mused on myself X

  6. Leanne
    July 22, 2016 / 11:07 am

    I’ve never really understood this about online dating! The one guy I’ve ever met up with as a result ended up appearing to be an alcoholic compulsive liar which he definitely didn’t mention in his profile! x