Too soon to shag?

When it comes to sleeping with someone for the first time, women are caught between a rock and a hard penis. Sleep with men too early and the chase is over. Hold out and you’re frigid. As a woman, you are figuratively and occasionally literally, fucked.

How long do you make someone wait to see your BooHoo lingerie?  How long do you make someone wait to see your BooHoo lingerie?

‘How soon, is too soon to shag?’ is a question I’ve asked many friends recently. The answers have varied and some opinions have actually surprised me.  Whilst some believe that there’s no such thing as ‘too soon’, others have a strict set number of dates or months before any boffing.

One on hand, the view of some is that if you give it up on the first date that the guy will think you are ‘easy’ or a ‘slut’ but surely isn’t having sex with someone early on a HUGELY EFFICIENT WEEDING OUT PROCESS? Can we just break down this opinion for a sec? Two people have done the dirty within a few hours of meeting, yet HE will think SHE is a slut? There is something massively wrong about this outlook. If a guy thinks a girl is a slut because she has had sex with him and that makes him overlook everything else – is that the kind of guy you want to then shag repeatedly? Isn’t it better to weed out the misogynistic knobs early on? I, for one, have NEVER heard a man say ‘she slept with me on the first date, what a slut’, by the way. But I HAVE heard it from women – ‘she slept with him on the first date? What a slut.’ Just, ew.

Another benefit of premature porking is that there’s no anxiety over whether you fancy each other or not. If the chemistry is sizzling enough that you want to get down on it, it’s a good sign that a spark is there. Furthermore, if the sex isn’t sizzling then at least you know it there and then.

On the other end of the spectrum are the girls that believe there should be a ‘5 date’ or ‘3 month’ rule. The pros of this approach is that you can let the chemistry and sexual tension build before any clothes are discarded. You can get to know each other’s personalities and life stories before each other’s private parts. These approaches also eliminate any worry that the guy will mash and dash after just one meetup. These girls also state that they tell a guy very early on how long he will have to wait and in some cases, that he’ll have to put in some graft before seeing her bedroom craft.

The cons of this approach though are that what if a guy only wants to ‘cum and go’ and will do that after 1 date or 13? You are also investing a lot of time, possibly building feelings for someone that you may not have sexual chemistry with once you finally get horny and ride that pony.I mean, can you think of anything worse than falling for a man who treats you like a princess for him to want to call you Mummy in bed and who wants to wear nappies?

So where do I stand on this? To be honest, I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. I have done it on the first date and been dumped and likewise, I’ve done it on the first date and it’s turned into a relationship. I’ve also made guys wait, which has been successful AND made guys wait only to discover that the attraction just didn’t carry over to the bedroom.

When it comes down to the question – ‘Is it too soon to shag?’, the only thing you need to ask yourself is – when does it feel right for you? You can never predict how the other person feels about you, as long as you’re happy with your decision then it doesn’t really matter if they hang around or not.

What does need to stop however, is the slut shaming. So someone puts out repeatedly, doesn’t mean that any decent, non-sexist pig of a man won’t realise what a gem they are. That attitude of judgement over other people’s sexual choices needs to be put firmly away.

If you want to get jiggy in a jiffy – get it girl, if you want a man who’s worked hard for it – get it girl, but please stop having opinions on what other people do. Other people thinking you’ve shagged someone too soon is an opinion that should be completely irrelevant to you.

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  1. Amy
    July 29, 2016 / 12:18 pm

    I also find the idea that women are the gatekeepers of sex really unappealing. Like, the fact that a guy has to ‘work at it’ but the girl just has to say the word and he’ll be slathering at her door? (Pun very much not intended). That may be the case a lot of the time, but no one seems to ask guys this question – which just proves that it’s sexist bullshit and, like you say, everyone should just do what’s right for them – individually and together.

  2. El
    July 29, 2016 / 1:56 pm

    Thanks for writing this post, I think it shouldn’t matter and there should be no rules…just go for it whenever someone feels like it?

  3. July 29, 2016 / 7:45 pm

    Absolutely brilliant post and points.
    Women should feel ok to make a decision and not regret it because others have different feelings. Iv been on both sides like you and to be honest there really is no right answer.

  4. Lauren Aitchison
    August 10, 2016 / 9:07 pm

    My boyfriend and I had a discussion about this (we did it on the 3rd date, which was actually a long weekend away so…it couldn’t be avoided, really!)
    He’d once met a girl on Tinder and was arranging a first date with her when she said, "By the way, I don’t have sex until the 5th date", which really put him off. They hadn’t met each other yet!
    I think it’s a totally personal thing. I would definitely sleep with someone on the first date if the mood was right.