A Guide to Dating Apps

If you’re single and are looking for love then I’m pretty sure at some point you will have encountered internet dating and dating apps. It’s a modern world we live in and it’s one where we want to order up 12 slices of man just as easily as 12 slices of pizza. Which is hunkier though? Dating apps have, without a doubt, made dating easier. Well, they’ve made getting a date easier. Getting said date to stick around once you’ve drunkenly cried on them and sung them the entire NSYNC Greatest Hits album is another entity altogether. So to help you (and I), here’s a quick guide to the main apps and what you can expect!

Tinder. Might as well pull out the big guns first. Tinder is the Kim Kardashian of apps, and Bumble and Happn are Kourtney and Khloe. The basic premise of Tinder is, ‘Hot or not’. You have a profile of up to 5 pictures and then some information about yourself, should you wish. You can then decide which gender, age range and location you’d like your matches to be from. Once that’s all sorted you get presented with a card deck of possible matches. And a whole lot of Jokers.

If you like the look of your potential suitor (and you’ve bothered to read the bio and haven’t found something hugely offensive – unlikely) then you swipe his square picture to the right. However (which is more likely), if you think he looks like Gollum’s scrotum and he has included his Uber rating, you swipe that mofo left and out of your life.

If you have popped the little cherubs face to the right, and he’s done the same to you, you will match. And here comes the fun part! That little sexpot will message you straight away with a witty opening message and obvious keenness.

NOT.

NO ONE TALKS ON TINDER ANY MORE. Now of course it isn’t the man’s job to always message first, I get that, but sometimes, SOMETIMES it would be nice if they did. And not something cliche like ‘Beautiful smile’. Thanks, my dentist can tell me that.

You could obviously message first but don’t be fooled into thinking that just because you matched, he would have the common decency to reply to your well-thought out opener. NOPE.

In the hopeful eventuality that you do match someone: A) normal, B) chatty and C) attractive (the Holy Tinder Trifecta) you can begin chatting away to your heart’s content! You go girl. Get that boy over to Whatsapp sharpish.

Bumble. This little beaut of an app is very similar in premise to Tinder. However there are two main differences. 1, WHY ARE THE GUYS ON BUMBLE INFINITELY HOTTER THAN THOSE ON TINDER? If Bumble is David Beckham then Tinder is Wayne Rooney. 2, On Bumble, the girls must message the guys first.

In its inception it was touted as a way for girls to avoid the creepy stalker messages on Tinder, HOWEVER Bumble has made guys lazy. The effect Bumble has had on Tinder is definitely obvious – it’s why guys don’t message first on Tinder any more when they could just go on Bumble and let the women do the hard work.

So once you’ve sent your zinger of an opener – which you must do within 24 hours of matching – you then have up to 24 hours to wait for a reply back.

The perils of Bumble are however – forgetting to message the guy within 24 hours thus losing him to the dating ethers forever OR sat checking your app like a crazy person… ‘HE HAS 1 HOUR TO REPLY. WHERE IS HE?’

Happn. This app looks slightly different to the 2 above as your are presented with a grid of possible matches. The people who pop up are people you have ‘crossed paths’ with whilst having the app activated. Handy for meeting people who live close. Also super handy for a midnight Friday speculative, ‘Hey I see you’re 1km away – what’s going down?’ Creepy you say?

I personally haven’t had any success with Happn. I HAVE however sat opposite someone on a train who I had previously matched with and who then proceeded to message me innappropriate chat up lines for the entire journey. I know who’s winning here!

POF/Match and all other dating sites turned apps. WHO is using these? Come on, show yourselves? I personally have only used the top 3 apps so feel like they are the only ones I can comment on. I DO know that I know NO ONE who has had success with POF/Match/Ok Cupid etc so who is populating these deserted sites, I do not know!

Anywhosits, I hope that was somewhat useful. Wish me luck. It’s a murky world out there.

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7 Comments

  1. Sophie
    July 6, 2016 / 8:20 am

    I thought the same but actually know at least one normal, very nice couple who met on POF! Conversely, my (now ex-) best friend just married a smackhead she met on Tinder last year.
    Win some ya lose some.

  2. Samantha Betteridge
    July 6, 2016 / 4:55 pm

    You are honestly one of my favourite bloggers at the moment. I’ve been on tinder and POF – found one guy on POF (which has now ended) and a few dates from tinder but I just hate how it’s all so textbook; like picking someone from a catalogue! I miss the olden days haha xx

    Sam // <a href=’http://www.whatiknownow.co.uk’>What I Know Now</a>

  3. Posh, Broke, & Bored
    July 7, 2016 / 12:04 pm

    I’ve had great success on Tinder though! I matched with this guy, we ended up talking for hours, had an amazing first date, then a second, then a third, then a twentieth…the rest is history! And all because we both swiped right thinking, "Damn, he/she’s fiiiiiine…" x

    <a href="http://www.poshbrokebored.com">Posh, Broke, & Bored</a>

  4. Claudia
    July 8, 2016 / 12:11 pm

    Before I met my fiancé I tried Match and had numerous awful/boring dates. I then gave up. My best friend met her now husband on match though, just luck I guess. My friend uses all the top 3 apps and I always said Happn sounds so stalkerish. Haha.

  5. RHI x
    July 8, 2016 / 12:14 pm

    My best friend met her now ex on POF, but they did last for about 3 years and since she’s been single again and tried them all, POF is her favourite! She didn’t get on with tinder at all. But then my boyfriends best friend met his girlfriend on tinder and they’re still going strong years later despite one being in London while the other in New York!
    I met my boyfriend just before all these dating sites got big so haven’t tried them myself. Not sure if I’m lucky or missing out!

    Rhi | shylittlemess.com

  6. K
    July 12, 2016 / 11:09 pm

    I met my ex on OKC and we were together for almost 3 years! But he turned out to be a prick so maybe don’t use that one 😉