I’m going to have to make a confession here. I don’t watch THAT much YouTube. I know that’s sacrilege as a blogger. I know that I should know who all of the big vloggers are but the truth is, I tried. I tried to get into it. I tried to watch hauls after first impressions and tutorials after unboxings but 99% of vloggers just bore the tits off me. Now I only really watch a vlog if it’s by someone I REALLY REALLY like because here are 10 things the others do that annoy me:
They see me haulin’, they hatin’
1. They have limited vocabulary. I get that vloggers are aspirational and approachable because they just talk at the camera and edit it together more coherently afterwards but if I hear one more bish use the term, ‘really really’ 17 times in a row ever again, it’s going to make me want to take her copper lamp and bash my head in with it. ‘I really really like the fit of this top because it’s so loose and really flattering. The colour is just really really pretty and I just really really love it.’ NO.
2. They don’t show the whole thing. So I’ve just clicked a ‘Primark Haul and Try On’ link. YAY show me cheaply manufactured things that I’ll crave but yet still can’t afford because holiday and poor. YouTuber takes a pair of jeans out of the bag and describes how she really really likes the frayed cut off ends. She then holds them up to the camera to show just the waistband and films a cut away showing a top and the top half of the jeans. WHERE ARE THE CUT OFFS YOU WERE BUMMING BITCH?
3. They give misinformation. Again, along the haul theme as they are my favourite type of videos to watch (I say favourite loosely, they’re about the only ones I can stomach), YouTuber picks out a gorgeous wrap style choker. ME NEED. YouTuber then proceeds to say she thinks it’s such and such choker from ASOS and she thinks it’s about £8 but she’ll link it below. Why did you get my hopes up? It’s not the one you said and it’s £15. It’s alright when you get a billion % off press discount babe but us mere mortals aren’t paying £15 for a choker and you got my hopes up and now I might not buy food this week because now I need the damn choker.
4. They don’t explain things fully. So Mid haul, Vlogger babe starts referencing a blogging drama that happened months ago, that’s just reared its head again and you’re all like ‘YES FROG AND CUP OF TEA EMOJI’ but instead of explaining what that drama was and frankly doing what I wanted to see which was KICK OFF, she says, ‘I’m not going to get into it now but I’ll link an old video below where it explains more about what happened.’ Babe if you cut out your 37 ‘really reallys’ you’d have a good spare 2 minutes to fill me in on all the shade you’re throwing.
5. They waffle. Hun please don’t spend the first 4 minutes of your ASOS unboxing talking about how you had to pick up one item from the PO and on the way you bumped in to so and so who loves your blog and then weirdly enough you saw an old teacher and that made you completely forget to pick up some coconut water. I just want to see what’s in the box.
6. They go off on a tangent. YouTuber has just revealed the BLACK ANKLE BOOTS OF DREAMS and before she reveals where you can get your hands on a pair she starts waffling on about this vegan cafe she went to last week that was soooo cool because every meal they served they also served in smoothie form and she didn’t think she would like it but actually it was really really tasty. I’m not listening boo, I’m just scrolling down to your info section to click the link of those leathery babies.
7. They have messy bedrooms. Maybe they do this to show they’re still approachable and down with the kids but ew. You know you’re going to film a vid, just pick your bra up off the floor and make your bed because otherwise I’m going to watch the video and be trying to work out whether that’s a crusty thong or a neckerchief just over your shoulder.
8. They use the term, ‘I feel like’ too much. Why has this become a saying? ‘The liquid lipstick formula is quite drying after a while’ has become, ‘I feel like this liquid lipstick formula is quite drying after a while.’ Fine once per video but when you’re starting every sentence with it buddy – ANNOYING. I feel like I’m going to have to unsubscribe.
9. They are ‘obsessed’. ‘Oh my god guys, LOOK at this belt, I am obsessed.’ It still has the label on petal. ‘I cannot describe how obsessed I am with this Diptyque candle’. You haven’t lit it yet hun. ‘This lip colour is SO gorgeous. I wear it every day. I am obsessed’. But. But. It’s still in the packaging.
10. They don’t disclose. Now I’m not 100% familiar with YouTube’s guidelines when it comes to declaring what you should say if your video is sponsored or the item was gifted but PRETTY sure that in the title of your video you have to say ‘AD’ or ‘SPONS’ or something similar (happy to be corrected) so WHY have I just watched a ‘Get Ready with Me’ where I can’t see you getting ready at all because the only thing that is in constant focus is that Clarins moisturiser. Don’t try and trick me babe, I see you.
This post is 100% intended to be tongue in cheek so any YouTubers that read this, PLEASE don’t be offended.
But if the shoe fits… *sunglasses emoji*