I saw your post on Dating Ennui and I had to send you a message. First of all, I’m a guy, I hope this is OK. Anyway, I’m thinking of giving up on dating. I am on every app imaginable and have no problem sending the first message to the women I match with but I hardly ever get a reply.
I don’t go for a gimmicky chat up line, just a ‘Hey, how are you?’ but NADA. I also find it impossible to meet women out and about. It’s far too scary to approach them. I’d hate them to think I was a massive creep. So where does that leave me? Should I just be a male equivalent of Bridget Jones?
From, Single and Lonely Guy
Hello Mr Single and Lonely!
First of all I just want to start by saying how sorry I am to hear you’re suffering with Dating Ennui too. It’s hard to muster up the energy to be the best, most dazzling version of you, when you keep getting knocked back, isn’t it?
Secondly, OF COURSE IT’S OK THAT YOU’RE A BLOKE. In fact, more guys should send me their dating feels.
Right, so let’s get into it. What’s your profile like? Are your pictures clear, recent, well lit and show you at your best? Please rid your profiles of all pictures of you with tigers, swearing, topless in Ibiza, at the gym or behind the wheel of a car. If you didn’t have any of these things and are still finding it tricky, it could be your opening message. Whilst ‘Hey, how are you?’ is better than, ‘fancy pissing on my chest?’ – it still leaves a lot to be desired. Sparky, flanter filled convos are rarely started with a ‘Hi, how are you?’ The openers I like most are witty jokes, questions about something I’ve written or an ice breaker.
As far as meeting women out and about, what do you find scary? If a woman has been giving you the eye-shag all night and flung a few flirty smiles your way, I GUARANTEE she’s gagging for you to approach her. You don’t have to bowl over to her and go straight in with a cheesy chat up line. Maybe wait until she goes to the bar and sidle up against her and ask for a gin recommendation, or wait until she’s alone to ask her if she’d like a drink. If she fancies you back, she’ll be delighted. If not – what’s the worst that can happen?
I think what comes through most in your message is that the knockbacks you’ve had, have knocked your confidence. In my experience, you need to dust yourself off and get back out there. Blast the apps with carefree abandon in your swipes, send a few prospective messages or make it your goal to approach at least 1 woman the next time you go out.
Good luck! And if you’re still struggling, then you might want to come to one of my forthcoming events…