Bear with me and this terribly click baity title. And don’t comment giving me shit until you’ve read the whole thing, k? I was having drinks with a friend recently. I was telling her my philosophy on dating – how things should be equal. How women should act however they want and if guys don’t like it, they can jog on.
Then my friend said, ‘I don’t think you’ll ever find a man that way. Feminism has ruined dating.’
Before swilling her with my G&T, I had to dig a little deeper. What the flibbing heck does that mean?
She went on to give me a ‘lesson’ in male psychology. Men love the chase. Men want to be the dominant figure. Men want to take the lead. Men want to graft. Men don’t want it all on a plate.
I’ve heard this all before and always put it down to misogynistic tripe and then I thought about guys I’d dated. And all of them, at some point, had said things exactly along those lines. Now I had always put it down to the old, ‘if they think like that, they’re not the one,’ schtick. But what if they’re all like that?
What if no man wants to date someone who organises the first date, who offers to pay, who puts out early, who does the chasing, who takes on all of the traditional ‘male’ roles in the name of equality?
My friend was adamant that in dating, women, no matter their views, should always take on the feminine role to ensnare a man. Women should wait for the guy to suggest a date, shouldn’t offer to go Dutch, shouldn’t sleep with someone too early, shouldn’t show they’re keen, should leave a man wanting.
My problem with that view, is this. I don’t want a man to want me because I’ve adhered to some 1950s, ‘women are a delicate flower’ bollocks. I want a man to want me because I’m independent, because I see him as my equal and because I don’t believe anyone should have to ‘chase’ me if I like them.
If that really means that there are no men out there who will appreciate those traits and all of the feminine but not feminist gals get snapped up before me, then so be it.