Vix’s Fixes #4: Am I too fat for love?

I’m bringing ‘Vix’s Fixes’ back where once a month I answer your love, dating or life questions. These have all been sent to me via Twitter or email and I will keep identities private. If you’ve got any dilemmas please hit me up!

Dear Vix,

I’ve been online dating for over a year now. I’ve been on loads of first dates that have either ended in a one night stand or never seeing the guy again after the last drink. I know I’m fun and laid back. I offer to pay my way and I do all the things the dating rules tell me I should do. The dates always seem to go well with constant laughter and flirtation on each side. So the only thing I can think of, that is stopping me from finding love must be the way I look. I am quite overweight. I think guys are surprised that I am chunkier than they had imagined. It’s my own fault probably as I only put selfies on my profiles but obviously, I’m just not the slim, pretty, modelesque type girl all these guys want. Maybe I’m feeling down on myself or maybe there’s something to it. Am I just not attractive enough?

First of all, you’re letting your perceived lack of success at dating make you feel worthless and unnattractive and that just needs to stop RIGHT NOW.

Ask yourself; are you a decent person? Are you kind and courteous to your dates? Do you show interest? Are you entertaining? If you answered yes to all of these questions then you’re doing absolutely everything right and any guy would be lucky to have you.

Yes, unfortunately, we live in an image-obsessed society. Where guys on dating apps are swiping past normal women because they’re being presented images of escorts and bots all there to catch their eye.

Clearly guys are finding you attractive if there’s flirtation and you end up sleeping together. Who knows what enters anyone’s head after a date? Maybe you had mannerisms that were similar to an ex or he realised the distance between you was an annoyance. The point is, we can’t ever second guess what someone else is thinking.

How many of these guys did you even really like? Sometimes when we’re rejected we forget that actually, it didn’t matter because we weren’t that into them anyway.

We are not going to be everybody’s type. Some guys do prefer slimmer, more athletic looking girls but equally some guys do prefer someone who’s chunky and funky. It’s down to personal preference and you just haven’t been lucky enough to meet the guy who’s preference is you.

That fact doesn’t detract from your attractiveness or self worth. He’s just not come along yet. He will! Someone out there will see you as the most beautiful, intelligent, caring and entertaining woman you are and he won’t be able to resist snapping you up.

Why are you even bothered about guys that aren’t bothered about you? Wait for the one who will be.  He’ll be here soon.

Vix x

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  1. August 6, 2016 / 12:18 pm

    As someone who is knew to the dating scene this is such a great response! X

  2. Gemma
    August 6, 2016 / 4:27 pm

    Hi thanks for posting this as someone who has done online dating for about a month on two separate occasions as I was feeling worthless it has inspired me to keep at it. X

  3. August 7, 2016 / 11:08 am

    Great advice! I really like this series because you always tell it like it is 🙂

    Mel ★

  4. August 8, 2016 / 5:36 pm

    LOVE this hun – you really are Aunty Vix! I look forward to reading your agony aunt bits xx