Dating Ennui

There comes a point in any singleton’s journey to Coupledom, where all they feel is an overwhelming sense of ‘MEH’.

I know I don't look particularly ennui'ed here but I bloody am.  I know I don’t look particularly ennui’ed here but I bloody am.

There could be many reasons for this flirting fatigue. Maybe you’ve repeatedly been through your dating decks on the various apps and the constant stream of toothless freaks, track suits, Ibiza pool parties, Uber ratings and awful grammar has taken its toll. You begin to think there is no one out there that you will ever fancy or anyone you can imagine grunting on top of you. It can be really disheartening to have to constantly soothe RSI from the left swiping thumb. You begin to wonder where all the normal guys are.

Dating ennui can also kick in after a slew of unsuccessful dates. Perhaps you’re bored of getting your hopes up and investing feelings and thoughts into a possible suitor for them to go quiet after meeting or turning out to be just your regular fuckboy. Maybe the guys you go out with are perfect on paper but upon meeting you find them to be too awkward or you’re just not attracted to them. You wonder if you’ll ever have another match that you click with and who you leave the date on cloud nine with. You miss those late night trains home where your grin cannot be wiped from your face and your heart leaps when the follow up text comes through. Why doesn’t that happen any more?

Another reason for reaching your dating limit could be that you’ve met someone. Not just anyone. Someone who seems so perfect for you. Someone you clicked with straight away. Someone you spend every waking moment thinking about. Someone you *know* you had *something* with. Something you can’t quite put your finger on. But it turns out they don’t feel the same way. That really doesn’t help you at all. Because even though you know nothing will ever happen, you still hope it might. Even though you know you’ll have to find someone else, you just don’t want to. Even though you know you deserve someone who feels as strongly about you, as you do about them, you can’t help but question what you did wrong and why you’re just so damn unwantable. You also realise you’ve gone from left swiping on Tinder and saying ‘not you, not you, not you’ to ‘you’re not him, you’re not him, you’re not him’.

So how do you deal with dating ennui?

If you’re sick of apps, maybe come off of them for a while. Perhaps go to some fun dating events or get a super confident friend to wing woman for you. Or, if you are confident, get chatting to the guy you have a crush on at your gym or the hottie at the bar. Being drunk always helps with starting conversations and getting pied is easily numbed with Jagerbombs and a 2am takeaway.

If you’ve had lots of shitty blokes recently, have some time doing some things for yourself. Get into a new book, have some pamper evenings, write, colour, begin a fandom for a random TV character, just do stuff you enjoy. Just don’t do guys you don’t enjoy.

If you’re pining over someone who just doesn’t even know you exist, try and forget about them. Stop comparing every other guy to them and just get back out there, knowing someone even more perfect will come along.

I’m moving house this week. I’ll be going out in different places. My Tinder location will change, offering up a whole bunch of new prospects (read:shitheads) and maybe with my new headspace, I’ll be more able to put the awful apps, dastardly dates and the one who isn’t the one, behind me.

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6 Comments

  1. Lexie
    September 19, 2016 / 6:40 am

    Another amazing post lovely 🙂 X

  2. Wonderland Clothing
    September 19, 2016 / 11:40 am

    how am I going to live my singledom through you when you couple up?!?!

  3. September 22, 2016 / 2:59 pm

    Dating ennui is real! I recently popped back on Tinder in the hope of lighting my dating fire – the Tinder pool where I am is a horrendous mix or tracksuit wearing, overweight men or super tanned gym boys who work in promo. Hahaha, I think I’m just going to take a break and focus on me, myself and I for a bit.

    Martha | <a href="http://marthadahhling.blogspot.com">Martha Dahhling</a>

  4. Charlotte Steggz
    September 24, 2016 / 4:50 pm

    I’ve deleted all but Bumble. I’ve decided I’m going to just do my thing and the right guy will come around eventually (…right???)

  5. Lara Loveless
    October 2, 2016 / 8:46 am

    Oh my gosh this is so relatable- exactly how I feel about dating right now! I usually refer to it as "Dating Fatigue".

  6. Siobhan JM
    October 19, 2016 / 8:30 am

    You are so good at putting into words exactly how I feel on these things.