Socially awkward isn’t something people who know of me tend to label me as. I can be confident and out-going. However people that really know me, know that sometimes even the most simple of exchanges can leave me cringing for hours afterwards. Here are a few examples that I bet you’ve had too.
1. ‘You alright?’ ‘Yeah you?’ ‘I’m alright, you?’
YOU ASKED THEM AND THEY SAID YES. This exchange normally happens in passing – like when you’re walking down, what I term, the corridor of shame, at work and don’t have time for an in-depth discussion. This then means your face grimaces and your head shakes in disgust at yourself immediately afterwards.
2. ‘Sorry, keep playing footsie with you there.’
WHY. Just why. You kicked their foot a couple of times on public transport. Both parties know you didn’t mean to. You said sorry each time you did it. Why do you now feel the need to make a creepy joke? This one happened this weekend (it’s happened many, many times before) and I even followed it up with, ‘probably because you have nice feet.’ WHY.
3. The accidentally awkward overshare.
Ever go in to a shop to be greeted by a retail assistant with a, ‘hey, how are you?’ AND YOU ACTUALLY TELL THEM. ‘Good thanks. Bit of a stomach ache though.’ Or ‘yeah fine, just had an argument in Marks’s though.’ Immediately after this exchange you realise they don’t actually care and are just doing their job. Cringe City ticket for one please.
4. ‘Your name is?’ *inaudible* ‘Sorry, go again…’ *inaudible* ‘Ah cool.’
IT’S NOT COOL. You will now have to spend the rest of your aquaintanceship addressing them as ‘Mate’ or ‘Dude’. Why not just say, ‘sorry I didn’t hear that at all,’ and get them to repeat it until you’re both sure?
5. ‘Hey it’s… isn’t it?’ ‘No’
Fuuuuuck. You totally called them the wrong name. Who do you even think they are? You inevitably try and tell them why you got confused which makes it a 100 times worse. Just. Stop. Talking.
6. ‘Can you pass me that?’ *they didn’t hear you* ‘Nope…fine…ok theeen’ *Sorry I’m passing it now if you give me a sec*
You did NOT need to be that impatiently paggy. You did NOT mean for them to hear you as you clearly thought they were not listening to you in the first place. The only way out of this is to empty an yoghurt over your head and be done with it.
7. *talks about someone behind their back* *they walk in and overhear the last bit* ‘Yeah so I definitely need to get that cookie baked for the dog at church tomorrow. Oh hi, you alright?’
Serves you right for ranting about people behind their backs! But the automatic ‘I must make this less awkward by talking loudly and outlandishly’ bitching cover up is then so much more cringey than being overheard in the first place that you may as well have just fronted it out.
Tell me I’m not alone in this conversations? And PLEASE tell me you’ve had ones of your own? Tweet me your stories!