Internet Dating is full of self absorbed arseholes who use the opportunity of getting to know someone new, just to talk about themselves and get attention. I know this, because that’s me. There are also many a man I have met who have only ever spouted absolute tripe, like, ‘I don’t fancy going out – can I just come round?’, or ‘I don’t really know what I want – just have sex and see how it goes?’ HOWEVER, occasionally, somewhere in the rough, a girl will hear some sweet sweet sayings from a new man diamond.
1. ‘I’ve booked us a table at that cocktail bar for 7.’ There is nothing that is going to get us sliding off of our tube seat in anticipation quicker than a guy who is decisive and tells you what you’re going to do instead of the regular, ‘I don’t mind, what do you fancy?’
2. ‘I would never describe an ex as a psycho.’ The SUREST sign a guy is an inevitable douchebag is if he describes an ex as a psycho. Because normally, it’s the bloke that has made her go a bit mental. If you meet a fella that’s only ever had amicable break ups then HUSBAND HIS SHIT UP IMMEDIATELY. Baggage is a bitch and listening to all the bad bits about an ex is bloody boring.
3. ‘I bloody love oral.’ Same fam. Maybe it was just me but I’m sure that every boy that I knew between the age of 18-25 either hated oral or had no idea what they were doing. Then suddenly you’re paranoid that you’ve got a terrible vagina when in reality they could just be lazy. So when bae professes his love for a lick then it’s only a matter of minutes before you need to be slamming it down on his face.
4. ‘I’ve got this.’ Controversial because as a feminist I am ALL about equality. But as a pauper with a penchant for New Look, there’s nothing I love more than dating a guy who occasionally takes care of the bill. Don’t get me wrong, things will always even out because I will pay my way BUT it is such a lovely treat. AND it shows that the guy isn’t tight. I’ve been with tight-fisted-twats – it’s not fun.
5. ‘Period sex doesn’t bother me.’ IT DOESN’T BOTHER ME EITHER. If a guy is down for getting down with you at all times, no matter the weather, it’s such a joyous thing to hear. There’s nothing more drying than hearing him say, ‘ew no, I’d hate to get blood on me, gross.’ That’s fine babe, you’re not getting anything on you.
6. ‘What are we?’ That SCARY AF question that whirls around our brains as soon as the 5th date is over. We’re constantly analysing with our gal pals whether we’re a thing or whether he’s seeing 8 other girls or whether he’sinto us at all. But if he sits us down on the 6th date and says, ‘So what’s going on here?’ then it shows to us that he’s comfortable and happy with how things are going.
7. ‘Have you deleted Tinder?’ NOT YET BABE BECAUSE I’M SCARED. Keeping Tinder on our phones whilst we’re in the early stages of dating is our comfort blanket. It’s us saying, ‘I’m so breezy,’ even though inside we want nothing more than to get rid of every desperate profile we’ve created. But if our prospective fella deletes the dastardly thing first, then we’re more than happy to follow suit.
8. ‘I’m free most of this week, when’s best for you?’ At our age, dating has to slot in with our busy work and social lives. Trying to arrange two people’s schedules can sometimes be a huge deal breaker in the early days. Ideally, you want to see someone at least once a week to get things off the ground but if the stars never align then it can often fizzle out. So when you’re dating someone who frees up their time because they reeeally want to see you, it will most definitely put a smile on your face.
What do you, as a single gal, like hearing?