A Letter To My Single Self

Having lived with Ben for nearly 2 months and completely 'living my best life' whilst sharing a house with him, I have begun to reflect on what life was like before it was filled with love, laughter and La Redoute furniture.

So here is a letter to my previous self. A self who self-inflicted poor choices in men, life and friends. And it's from a current self who has made far better choices (except with plants as I always choose ones that need watering and shit and that eventually die).

la redoute single self
la redoute single self
la redoute single self

Dear Single Vix,

I know exactly how you're feeling - lonely, horny, frustrated, despondent about your future, resolved in your singledom and really regretting watching 240 hours of Ru Paul in 3 weeks when you should've been out trying to meet people and be happy. But here are the lessons you will learn in the next year...

la redoute single self

Don't Waste Time On Time-Wasters

That guy who showed up 40 minutes late for your date with no apology? Leave after 1 drink.

The mate who spent 2 hours a day, blowing up your Whatsapp with ranting, moaning and burden-giving but could never be arsed to meet you for waffles - ignore, mute, delete.

That dude who made you wait 3 days for a text back that just said, 'LOL' to your hilariously witty and thought out text - bin emoji.

Eventually, after sifting through ALL OF THE CRAP for a year, you'll find yourself in a totally different situation.

You will learn, from being burned, that people who are not willing to give up their time for you are not worth you wasting yours on them.

You will meet friends that you can arrange weekly Pizza Expresses with over one text and ones who will listen to your umpteenth Instagram rant over a coffee whenever you need it because they appreciate you'd do the same for them.

And you will meet the guy that puts all of the other time-wasters to shame. The one who arranges dates promptly and sticks to them. The one who has no time for 'I will wait 3 days to text back', games. The one who doesn't leave you hanging, guessing or wasting your precious energy.

And it'll be glorious.

Relationships Are Not Boring

Your whole, 'I'm a single woman who cannot be tamed by the confines of a relationship,' persona was super cute.

And it was well meaning- you worried A LOT over how being in a relationship would change you. Would mean your creativity would dry up because you'd be a coupled-up-arsehole. You panicked over how your newly found social life would take a hit because boyfriends don't let you out of the house.

But you were wrong.

Any guy you met that made you feel like you couldn't explore your passions, your friendships or yourself were quickly tossed aside and GOOD because it led you to meet someone who showed you that being a coupled up arsehole didn't mean you needed to be a boring coupled up arsehole.

You'll meet someone who inspires, not stifles, your creativity.

You'll meet someone who'll socialise at the same time as you do, meet you afterwards and come home with you so you don't have to be on the shitty night bus alone and so that you can both get a Chicken Cottage to mop up the alcohol with and eat it in bed.

You Don't Have To Compromise

Fuck that.

Single-me, you're dating guys that are not funny because it makes you feel like the funny one.

You're dating blokes that you don't really fancy, just because they're nice to you and take you to Harry Potter at the theatre.

You're wasting time on men (and friends) that make you feel like you're not enough just because you're bored or lonely.

Fuck that.

You do not need to compromise. You do not need to forego funny, attractive, kind and smart for someone that just ticks one box.

Because someone who ticks them all WILL come along.

You Do Not Have To Change

Your dating routine saw you routinely de-hairing (because guys don't want hairy girlfriends), putting on faux-positivity (because they don't want 'negative nellies) and spending time you'd rather spend watching Celebs Go Dating and eating 6 different types of potato, on people you wouldn't normally humour for more than 4 seconds.

But you didn't really ever need to do that.

You needed to meet someone that doesn't care when your last eyebrow wax was.

Someone that reacted to you being on anti-depressants with, 'Is there anything I can do?' as opposed to, 'woah'.

And the one who would much rather you spent your afternoons doing the things you want to do (like potato) and be happy.

Don't change how you look, how you operate, how you spend your time for anyone that needs you to change.

Someone who doesn't want you to change is coming.

la redoute single self

Some Other Things You Should Know

That mate you always thought had your back, ditched you for a younger, hotter model and then talked shit behind your back.

Amber and Kem from Love Island broke up, just like you called it.

That dude you wasted loads of time on, walks through Clapham Common wearing jeans and sheux and is a reet minger.

The Queen didn't actually die, she sat on the FROW of LFW with Anna Wintour and an apocalypse didn't arrive.

You'll move to a beaut new flat with someone who doesn't make you penny pinch, who doesn't make you anxious about money, ashamed of your appearance or worried about your home-time.

You'll buy a new layout for your blog, hate it for 2 weeks and then change it. Please don't do that again.

You'll meet new mates through blogging and work who'll text you Netflix recommendations and send you pictures of delicious looking non-Vegan food, when you're trying so damn hard to be vegan (THANKS MATE).

You'll collaborate on a blog post with your abso faves, La Redoute and get sent gorgeous shit like this side table, those chairs and these cushions - here, here and here.

Oh and you'll use affiliate links with wild abandon because you go part-time at your job and you need the dollar bill, yo.

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  1. February 21, 2018 / 6:26 pm

    I just fell in love with this post.

    You deserve all the happiness in the world, your words have so much power, more than I’m sure you are aware.
    Beautiful, loved it.
    A bit emosh, not gonna lie.

  2. February 21, 2018 / 8:50 pm

    I have really enjoyed reading this post. I am in a relationship now, but I look back on my time of being single really positively!

    Danielle xx

  3. February 22, 2018 / 10:43 am

    Loved this hun! It’s always good to look back to see how far you’ve come and to know that you can get through the rough times for the good ones!

  4. last year's girl
    February 22, 2018 / 11:35 am

    I love you, Vix. Was smiling all the way through this post. Until I got to “sheux”, anyway, I had to google those.

    Cannot wait to see what the next year holds for you!

  5. February 22, 2018 / 4:28 pm

    I can barely read the text in this post – it’s so light! Have you changed the text colour lately?

  6. February 22, 2018 / 4:38 pm

    I feel like this is a letter I need to have sent to my previously single self too. But then I guess with her, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

    Steph x

  7. February 22, 2018 / 7:13 pm

    Brilliant post as always! Especially loved the line ‘Don’t change how you look, how you operate, how you spend your time for anyone that needs you to change.’

    Amy x

  8. February 22, 2018 / 10:00 pm

    Although I’m happily married now I do look back on my time being single and appreciating how much I learnt in retrospect

    Mel ✨

  9. February 23, 2018 / 7:56 am

    A letter we all should have recieved at some point in our lives! I look back on past relationships and I just want to shake myself and drag my idiot self far far away from them!

    Sarah 🙂
    Saloca in Wonderland

  10. February 23, 2018 / 5:05 pm

    Aw I absolutely loved this. I wish I had read something like this a year ago. Funnily enough. I’ve commented on your blogposts before, you might recognise the name. I spilled my dramatic dating life to you about the P.T I met on Tinder who picked me up and dropped me like a hot potato.

    Well I took your advice to stay away from him.. and tossed it aside, and learnt the hard way that he was in fact, a lousy piece of cheating chlamydia ridden shit.

    In your words, I bin emoji’d him. Deleted tinder. Focused on my job. Got bored one night. Re-downloaded tinder and ended up swiping right on the best person I’ve ever met. That was July last year and we are still together.

    I struggle with depression too and was prescribed anti-depressants last year. But with his positive outlook constantly in my face, it changed something in me that has allowed me to reduce my dosage. He sits with me and loads up sporcle quizzes on his phone when I wake up at 3am having a panic attack and even runs to the local sainsbury’s to get beans even though I’ve already told him “I’VE GOT MORE THAN ENOUGH BEANS IN THE CUPBOARD MICHAEL, FOR THE LAST TIME I DON’T NEED YOU TO PICK ANY UP ON YOUR WAY HOME FROM WORK”.

    Life gets better. You don’t need to change yourself because someone that bloody loves the fact you can tan a who season of Stranger Things in a day is out there. I wish i knew this last year. and i hope someone in the place I was last year will see’s this (but in the meantime, I’ll share it with all 12 of my twitter followers @littlethrift_).

    Ellie x

  11. Lou
    February 24, 2018 / 11:06 am

    What a brilliant post – just what I needed to hear. Thank you!

  12. February 26, 2018 / 2:05 pm

    I read this and felt worried, because I’m literally doing the opposite – re-entering singledom after 4 years with someone wonderful, living in a flat I love and being my happiest self.
    I felt that originally, but then I reminded myself that relationships help you grow and learn about yourself, but this doesn’t go away just because you’re not together anymore. I’m a completely different person compared to 4 years ago – thank you for the inspiring words!

    Alice xx