Are You Hyping? The New Dating Term We All Need To Know

You know I love a bit of dating terminology around these parts. Ghosting, zombieing, Gatsbying are all parts of my vernacular. But here’s a new one for you… Hyping.

hyping dating term

Now if you’re not familiar with the term ‘Hype Man’ it has it’s origins in rap and hip hop and literally means, ‘person who hypes up the crowd to warm them up for the main act,’ and I can guarantee you’ve had experience of hyping at some point.

So what do I mean in dating terms? Let me put it this way…

Ever dated someone who was a little bit broken? You then grafted for months to fix them (hyping) for them to dump you and move on to the next (the main act)?

You may have seen and  related to the awful film, ‘Good Luck Chuck’, where the main character realises that every one of his girlfriends married the guy after him and so becomes a good luck charm for single women. But this phenomenon is more about putting in the hard work with someone only for them to move on to new lovers. We’re basically doing a Beyonce and ‘upgrading’ them but without the benefits.

If you haven’t experienced hyping, then lucky you. But if all of my responses to this tweet are anything to go by, I’d say most of us have experienced the feeling of being ‘the one before the one’ and upon reflection, it fucking sucks.

I’ll put it into personal context. I dated Jim for 6 weeks. At times it felt like I was his personal counsellor who just wasn’t being paid by the hour but in fine dining and cunnilingus. Jim was just out of a serious relationship and had major regrets about how he handled himself during it. I talked him through his demons and gave him ways to do things differently next time (I know… eyeroll at me). He made promises for the future which included making things official and introducing me to his Mum. Then he ghosted. A couple of months later, his Instagram blared declarations of an engagement to his new girlfriend before my bum print had even left his sofa.

I couldn’t help but feel I’d hyped him for her.

This wasn’t the only time I played the role of the hype man.

I also dated Dave. Dave admitted early on he was a bit useless at commitment. He cooled things off to boil things up days later, repeatedly. He swore he couldn’t do the girlfriend thing as he wanted to get a job, move house and finish his qualifications first. I proof read his dissertation, sent him links to one bedroom properties on Zoopla and even prepped interview questions for him only so that 2 days later he’d ghost for good. And guess what? A month later, HE’S ALSO got a new bird who’s hashtagging the shit out of #bestboyfriendever and #husbandmaterial all over social media.

I’ve heard stories of women being in serious relationships with guys who then break up with them because they’re, ‘not ready to settle down’, only to find them Facebook official with a new squeeze weeks later.

I’ve heard stories of guys who dated women who had been cheated on or hurt in a previous relationship. These men then went above and beyond to prove their trustworthiness and go some way to mending those women’s broken hearts only to be swapped for the next guy.

So why does this happen? Why does it feel like we’re investing emotions into people who are ready to invest them elsewhere? Is this the love equivalent of buying a dump in the arse-end of Brixton only to give it a lick of paint and a new bathroom so that it can then sell on for triple the price? Are we really making these people ‘better’ only for them to think they can do better than us and then and move on?

That may be how it feels but I do have another perspective.

Perhaps we are seeing people where, for whatever reason the timing isn’t right for them in a relationship sense. Maybe they’re not ready for official with us, but by the time they’ve met someone else, they are? Perhaps they’ve met us when they’ve just gotten out of something and it isn’t until they’ve moved on that they feel like they’re actually ready for something more?

Or maybe, they just didn’t want ‘more’ with us.

It’s unbelievably frustrating to think that we’ve hyped these partners only for their new partners to reap the benefits however what we need to accept, to be able to move on, is that for whatever reason, they weren’t hyped up for us and that’s what’s meant to be.

Perhaps somewhere, someone is being hyped up for us.

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  1. Erin
    May 4, 2017 / 6:04 am

    – this is my life. I have had two long term serious relationships. The first one – father of my child – i managed to get him to move out of his parents house, made him grow up etc… then he cheated on me, and then married the girl he cheated on me with. So I get to see her all the time – luckily she isn’t a total asshat.
    Ex no2 I spent two years with, helping him do up his flat, helping him with work, everything, then he left because he didn’t want to have children and I did, ONE month later he has a new girlfriend and she is pregnant. She is due in September & they are so happy.
    Fml. And people wonder why I have trust and rejection issues 😐

  2. May 4, 2017 / 6:26 am

    Yes! I finally got together with a guy I’d been in love with for eight years and he just would not give me the ‘girlfriend’ title. I spent Mothers’ Day with his mum, I went to his nephew’s football matches but he kept saying he wasn’t ready to make it official. I met Mike and the rest is history but my ex had a new GIRLFRIEMD a few months later and they have a dog together now, which means it’s serious!

  3. May 4, 2017 / 7:19 am

    I feel like Good Luck Chuck constantly. Since about 18, every single guy I’ve ever been with has gone on to meet the one after me. For the most part, I’ve been fine with it. My ex, however, still annoys me. We were together two years, plans for the future and everything, then one day he just dumps me. Turns out he’d be cheating on me and six months later, was engaged to her, my ex best friend. Since then, my luck has changed. I haven’t been seeing as many guys but it’s ended on my terms. Maybe the hyping curse has been broken for me now? I hope so because it’s so bloody hard to watch girls get everything you thought you would’ve!


  4. May 4, 2017 / 7:56 am

    This is me all over! I can track back every single person I’ve dated in the last 10 years to have broken up with me (cheated, ghosted, only once did I do the dumping), only for them to head straight on into a long term relationships. I genuinely thought I was a curse but it does make me feel better that other people have experienced the same and I’m not alone.

  5. May 4, 2017 / 8:58 am

    Such a great metaphor … But what an annoying reality! x

  6. May 4, 2017 / 9:27 am

    My ex husband is someone I hyped for his girlfriend. He is basically doing all the things I said he needed to do (therapy, exercise, moving into the food industry, yada yada) but doing it with her not me, because when he was sad with me he thought I was the problem, then we broke up and he was still really sad and dissatisfied because he needed to change career, get counselling, get out more. And now he is. Without me. I’d like to pretend I am not bitter but sometimes I really, really am.

    Weirdly I don’t think I can fully move on until we no longer have a joint account, or are (legally) married to each other. It is pretty annoying. Oh well. Someone had better be hyping my next person right now and getting them good and ready to be excellent relationship material for me. I have earned it.

  7. May 4, 2017 / 10:04 am

    Fantastic read and something I think a lot of people can relate too!

  8. May 4, 2017 / 12:35 pm

    IT makes me sad that this happens. I don’t know if it happened to me at all. As soon as I end it with someone I literally delete them entirely from my life!

  9. Hannah
    May 4, 2017 / 2:27 pm

    Hahahahahah fantastic post!!!
    I hope I haven’t hyped my ex. I hope he’s still as dull as dishwater and continues to live a dull and boring life. and continues to be short.

  10. Sarah
    May 6, 2017 / 12:52 pm

    Such a good read! I’ve never heard this term but can totally relate! I’ve hyped a couple of guys since splitting with my long-term ex. How frustrating! Hopefully there’s something being hyped for me haha!

    S x

  11. Sarah
    May 6, 2017 / 12:52 pm

    That should have said someone, not something! ?

  12. May 8, 2017 / 8:31 am

    Love this post! I’ve always thought of it as upgrading, but I didn’t know it was a thing and that it happens to others too. Love the term hyping. I spent 2 years hyping my ex, driving him around for months until he finally passed his test after 4 attempts, and finally started driving at 40, persuading him to get a passport for the first time in 10 years so we could travel, building up his confidence in all sorts of ways, only for him to cheat on me. Major lesson learned there!
    Love your blog, have just discovered it, and I love the way you write!

  13. May 8, 2017 / 3:27 pm

    I have literally just discovered your blog and absolutely LOVE how you write! Such a fantastic post and I’m seriously about to stalk through previous posts!!!

    Reena xx