Remember that scene from Mean Girls… the one where the main characters are staring in the mirror quite literally obsessing over their imperfections?
‘My hairline is so weird.’ ‘My pores are huge.’ ‘My nail beds suck.’ ‘I have really bad breath in the morning.’ Of course you do. Because when you watched that filmed, you did the same thing we all did. You looked at your pores, your nail beds and your hairline and whatever other flaw you were hating on at that time, shrugged your shoulders and somewhere inside you, you went, ‘same.’
This isn’t unusual. You, like I have probably spent far too many years obsessing over your imperfections.
You like I: have worried about your weight, have questioned if your vagina smells, have seen photos where your teeth look yellow, have counted the chins in the mirror or have felt that unnerving feeling of your tights rolling under your bottom roll of flab which is now far too free to the world for your liking.
You, like I, have probably wondered if it would ever end. If the cycle of having one more flaw to obsess over would ever be broken.
If it wasn’t your ass being too flat, it was your chest being too big. If it wasn’t your lips being too thin, it was your nose being too thick.
We pore over ourselves in constant and unwavering microscopic detail.
We tell our friends of our insecurities only for them to look at us in astonishment that we would even think that way and we look back at them wondering why they’re lying to our faces. Aren’t our imperfections so blindly obvious?
Ask any of us to name the top 3 things we dislike about ourselves and we can do it in 5 seconds, without breathing or blinking. Saddlebags, cankles and thin lips, by the way. But ask us to name 3 things we love about ourselves? Ask us to obsess over and pore over these things? Well that’s just an insurmountable task for some of us.
Sure we can force out a humble but pointedly modest list so that we don’t look conceited. But we will never play up our features as loudly and securely as we could our flaws.
It’s ingrained in us to be modest. Self deprecation is an admired trait for some. Big headedness and bragging are unbecoming traits. So just how are we supposed to learn to love ourselves?
Sure, some of us will have no problem in saying our good points aloud, but how long is it before someone thinks you’re getting too big for your boots and wants to tear you down again? How do you win?
I might not have the answer, but I have a start.
Identify 3 of your physical traits that you love (or if you’re not there, ones that you like a little bit more than the rest).
Whenever you look at yourself in a mirror, a shop window or a photograph, say a little SLAY at those parts.
And repeat for the rest of your fucking life.
Once you’ve gotten used to loving those parts. Add more and repeat ad infinitum.
Become obsessed with your features until you’re no longer obsessed with your flaws.
Eyes. Cheekbones. Ass. SLAY.