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Can These 9 Texts Bag A Man?

Have you guys heard of ‘dating coach’ Matthew Hussey? He’s an absolute beauty of an Englishman that pops up onto your Facebook or YouTube feeds with videos and posts full of tips and tricks on how to bag a man.

Hussey has subscribers and followers into the 6 figures and appears to make a very good looking (just like him) fortune from seminars, books and daily mail outs with ‘scripts’ you could use in your quest to find the one.

Intrigued by the advice he was offering, I signed up to receive a mail out on the ‘9 Magic Texts No Man Can Resist’ and I’m sorry to say, but I found it to be problematic bullshit.

To be honest, I find the premise of ‘dating coaches’ to be problematic but that’s for another time.

Let’s look at the texts Mr Hussey suggests you send:

1. Something about how ‘it’s better we’re just friends otherwise we’d be in trouble.’ Apparently guys go weak at the knees at any hint of ‘trouble’ and it will make him curious as to what will happen if it goes any further.

Except, what if you’re friends with the guy because he just wants to be friends? Or you’re colleagues and he knows not to shit where he eats?

Also, if any of us women got this text from a guy friend – what would we be thinking? ‘Ugh creep’ comes to mind.

2. Something about ‘being in the bath’. Aaaaand we’re back to Year 11 flirting via text on our Nokia 3210s when Jake from Music wants a quick addition to the wank bank so asks us what we’re wearing and we tell him just a towel even though it’s actually a Kappa tracksuit.

I appreciate that this message would appeal to a lot of men. It’s suggestive and playful. However, suggesting we send this is very stereotypical and a huge simplification of what men want. Plus it may just be a downright lie. And that’s not cool.

3. Something about a picture message asking the guy’s thoughts on the outfit you just bought. Because our whole worth and seeking of compliments should be based on what you look like.

Hussey suggests this message appeals to his visual side and will elicit a flirtatious compliment. Orrrrr any bloke with a brain will see that you’re fishing and wonder if you’ve always been such a needy melt? Send it to your girl mate and get a ‘Yassss slay QWEEN’ instead.

4. Something about telling him he should be with you right now. Which is fine. I’ve used this one before. When I’m horny and want some sexual flirtation or for him to actually come and be there, in my pants, right now.

But at what other time is this message appropriate? Dinner with your fam? After work cocktails? The theatre with your bez? To me this seems needy and dependant again. Unless it’s for a hook up. Which, you know, is fine. But say that!

5. Something about referring to something you’ve just eaten as sexual. ‘Hey Barry, how’s you? Just murdered a quarter pounder and large fries and the sight of Ronald McDonald is making me want to cum.’ It’s just not doing it is it?

As Hussey knows, men are simple, visual creatures, who love food so putting sexy images into his head about food will make him think you’re sexy and he’ll propose instantly. Sounds legit.

6. Something about a picture message showing an item of clothing you think would look good on him. Sorry, are you his Mum? Or his long term girlfriend who knows his style and likes inside out?

I once had a guy I was seeing send me a picture of a pair of heels and said he think they’d suit me and I sent him the bin emoji. Bitch you don’t know my tastes and clearly haven’t seen my cankles that do not withstand stilettos so be your own bleeding Gok Wan, k?

7. Something about dissuading a guy from getting too sexual on texts by saying you don’t move that quickly. If a guy makes unwarranted moves on you in the bar, do you say ‘ah thanks babes but this is too fast, take me on a date and we’ll get down to it later’ OR do you say, ‘Fuck off creep, you haven’t even bought me a G&T yet’?

If a guy gets sexual and you don’t like it, you tell him straight. It’s not about pussy footing around it so he doesn’t get put off. And if he gets sexual and you’re feeling sexual then you text him back in explicit detail what sexual acts you require and you do it with pride.

8. Something about not being able to be friends anymore. Designed to be sent before you’ve banged to give him the ultimatum that he needs to move a bit quicker. This text should inspire him to want to unfriendzone you and ask you out ASAP.

Except, if he didn’t want to be just friends. He wouldn’t be just friends. He would’ve taken stock of the signals and the chemistry between you and he would’ve done something about it. IF HE WANTED TO.

9. Something about Netflix and Chill right now. Which is cool if you want the kind of guy that will drop all plans to be at your beck and call.

Hussey says this text is a good tester. Either he’ll come running or if he’s not available he’ll be really keen to reschedule. You though? You’ve just spent 45 minutes shaving your bum, hoping for a dick appointment that may or may not transpire.

All in all, I can see how these texts would work on *some* men in *some* situations. But like anything in dating, what’s good for one scenario, isn’t going to work in another.

And if you’re going to take advice from a ‘dating coach’ please do so with caution. Including whatever bollocks you read on this blog here.

 

 

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6 Comments
  • Tarnya
    February 20, 2017

    Anyone else find it really funny that he’s a dating coach but his name is ‘Hussey’? Just me? hahah.

  • Cydney
    February 20, 2017

    It was just today that this Matthew dude popped up on my Facebook and I watched a video, I went on his page, watched another video and just had to roll my eyes. And I’m so glad you’ve called bullshit on this because I saw right through the whole thing. I find it incredibly patronising that he’s making the whole dating thing seem as if it’s always the women who’ve got it wrong, and have to say the right thing and jump through hoops. *throws arms up in the air in dismay*
    How are you supposed to learn and grow through relationships and dating experiences if you’re spoon fed what to say by ‘dating coaches’. FEH!

    *rant over*

    Anyway ? I think what you write on here about relationships etc is far more insightful because you don’t claim to be a relationship expert and just share your real experiences. With a good dose of humour which we can all relate to. Everything you say in this post is spot on ??

  • Lucy
    February 20, 2017

    I definitely will not be putting many of these into action all a bit cringe and like you say you can’t apply this to all different men! Brilliant post as always ☺

  • Eloise
    February 21, 2017

    He’s a dating coach suggesting netflix and chill? Golly.

  • Erin
    February 24, 2017

    I’m honestly giving up. I seem to suck at all forms of communication between me and boys, and no text ever works. well not in the way you want it to lol

    Erin || MakeErinOver

  • Laura
    February 28, 2017

    lol, bu there’s people that fall for that shit and follow self help books and guides like this one as if they were the bible..
    I would personally feel uncomfortable at sending some of those because, they’re just not me (sexual reference with food… item of clothing for him… me in the chaging room asking a guy for advice?… no thanks).
    I don’t know, no harm I guess in giving it a try but…isn’t it just better to be yourself at the end of the day? Or are we just looking for someone else to blame if these do not work?

    xx
    Laura

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