Now that literally everyone and their Grandma is on dating apps, all vying for the attention of a vast array of singletons, it’s no longer acceptable to send an opening message that consists of just, ‘Hey!’
If you want to be successful on apps, but don’t want to post 57483 photos of your boobs with the caption, ‘Up for a bang?’ then you need to come up with something catchy and worth replying to. So here are a few of my best ones and some hints on what makes them so successful*
Two truths and one lie
People love having something interesting to reply to and if you can turn it into some form of challenge – it piques the interest even further. I’m a fan of ‘two truths and one lie’ because if you can make them interesting, it gives the other person an insight into your personality and character.
But do think about it carefully, ‘My favourite colour is pink, I have a hamster called Ron and I once got 7 nuggets instead of 6.’ Isn’t going to cut it. For reference mine used to be, ‘I had an in-joke with Johnny Depp, I’m a triplet and I won a poker tournament in Vegas.’
Ultimate fantasy shoot
Now if you follow me on Twitter (if you don’t, rectify that immediately please) you’ll see I’m a huge fan of this one.
You see, I’m a huge fan of The Office (which I state in my profile) and this is a quote from that. The way I see it is, anyone who replies will either: know it’s a quote and we’ve got something in common, not know it’s a quote and find it funny or not know it’s a quote and reply with something outrageously forward. Everyone’s a winner!
For you though, you could open with something that you’re a fan of – whether it’s a quote, slogan or a lyric. It’s different from the standard openers and if you, by chance, fall on someone with the same interests, BAM, instant connection.
Where do you stand on feminism?
For me, I don’t want to date anyone that doesn’t identify themselves as a feminist. For me, any high-quality man would identify themselves as such. So a potentially divisive opener such as this, quickly shows me anyone who could be worth chatting to, or not.
This message has received a mixed bag of responses. From very good, ‘I’m a feminist. We all should be.’ to the sublime, ‘How can I hate women, my Mum’s one’ (another Office quote) to the downright aggressive, ‘Nah all those hairy armpitted lesbians? Not for me.’
Divisive openers actually help you weed out the pigs very swiftly. If you follow a vegan lifestyle, do you want to spend ages messaging someone for them to turn around and attack your choices later on?
If there’s a particular cause you feel strongly about and you want to date someone with a similar ethos, this is a good way to find them.
Dream first date?
This worked a lot for me in my early days (lulz seasoned dating vet over here). My ideal response is a very level-headed suggestion of, ‘a few drinks somewhere so we can chat and see if there’s chemistry’.
I prefer the sensible response than one that is overly ambitious and try-hard such as, ‘fly you to a desert island and drink cocktails by the sunset’, because HA YOU CAN’T FOLLOW THIS THROUGH AND IT’S DISAPPOINTING.
I also prefer the sensible response as opposed to, ‘Netflix and chill’ or similar because it clearly shows what that person is after.
You left a blowjob at my house. Want to come collect it?
I put this one in for the ROFLs. Funnily enough it got the best response when we debuted it at Tinder Live at the Brighton Fringe a couple of weeks ago. So, if hook ups are your thang – please take and pass along.
Here are just a few examples of what’s worked for me. Sometimes a casual, ‘Hey how was your weekend, up to much?’ will suffice but if you want dating app admin to be less of a freaking chore, why not give one of my aboves a whirl?
*I say so successful even though I’m still single but y’kna
Photo credit: Kaye
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