Does Finding Love = Finding Your Own Style?

Does finding love REALLY help you find your own style? Or am I being a boring relationship wanker? A pretentious twat? But really, it is something I've been wondering about. And if you're wondering how the two are related... LEMME TELL YA CHICKENS.

Since falling in love I've FINALLY found my own personal style.

Here's how...

*Sponsored post in collab with Tobi Clothing BUT it'll be interesting and not at all ad-dy, I promise.
finding love finding style
finding love finding style
Vix Tobi Fashion Collab

Finding Love In my Early Twenties

As a woman in my young twenties my style could best be described as 'Cady Heron in Mean Girls before becoming a baby prostitute.'

I was most comfortable in plain tops, jeans, converse, slogan tees and blazers or jackets.

Well until I met my first serious boyfriend who made me the most uncomfortable and unconfident version of myself.

He didn't like me wearing Converse - and whilst you know the Vix of today would've told him to go and play in traffic, that Vix didn't really know herself or how to exert herself.

That Vix believed her self worth lay solely by being in a relationship and being the perfect vision of an amazing girlfriend. Duly doting on her boyfriend's every whim and apparent fashion choice.

That boyfriend forever compared me to ex girlfriends who wore skirts and dresses and in his word, 'made more effort.' In my words, 'looked like Jane Norman had thrown up on them.'

Suddenly, I was in tight tops, short skirts, cropped jumpers and skinny skinny jeans. And suddenly I started to lose my sense of self.

Where had confident, together, popular, casual and not too try hard Vix gone?

Vix Tobi Fashion Collab

Finding Love In My Mid-Twenties

Another few years pass and I was in a new relationship.

I'd started blogging and following fashionable influencers on Instagram and tried to copy styles that I felt were me because I still wasn't sure of who I was.

One minute everything in my wardrobe was edgy and totes 'All Saints', (the shop not the band because I do not have Mel's washboard stomach) the next minute it was filled with bright colours and patterns.

I had a 'casual but with a statement necklace phase'.

I had a, 'black skinny jeans and a nice top' phase but nothing really felt like me.

On reflection it's because I never really felt like me.

I was forever trying to absorb other people's style hoping it would give me one. Because if that cool and popular person had good style, I'd obviously become cool and popular by copying.

I also believed that by feeling like those sexy and confident influencers I followed, I'd become instantly more sexy and confident.

When my ex cheated on me with a girl who thought Britney's costume in the Toxic video was smart casj, I immediately went into a shit spiral of - I need extensions, body cons, fake tan and the glossiest of pink lipsticks. Somehow by becoming her, I thought my ex would be happier with me.


Finding Myself In My Late Twenties

So fast forward to me dumping his ass and becoming single. This coincided with turning 30 and the day I had an epiphany of, 'Be you. Life is too short to be anyone else.'

Whilst I was skint from being homeless after leaving the ex, I started buying more classic pieces for my wardrobe that really felt like me.

I always knew I had a snatchy little waist and a ginormous bum that sat atop tree trunk legs but finally, instead of trying to put myself in things I thought I should wear, I started wearing things that made me feel good.

I stopped looking at clothes sizes and started just going with how confident something made me.

Sure, I still had times where I went on dates and blamed their lack of interest, not on how many Partridge impressions I could do whilst downing G&Ts but instead on how I looked however, my self-loathing percentage decreased steadily.


Then I met Ben. And here I am. Whether I'm bumming around in a tracksuit or going full sass in a wrap top and skirt, he 100% feels me.

"And maybe, just maybe, it's because I 100% feel myself."

Black Jumper Dress - Tobi
Pink Off The Shoulder Jumper - Tobi
Yellow Wrap Top - Tobi
Stripe Top and Joggers - LOTD *only £7.50 each!*
Over The Knee Boots - ASOS Aff Link BUT ONLY £30!!!

Get the weekly Exciting Emails Newsletter!

No BS blogging tips, advice, opinions, resources and special offers every Sunday!

We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time. Powered by ConvertKit


  1. Abi Street
    December 5, 2017 / 4:39 pm

    You look amazing Vix!! I’m so glad that you had that realisation and now inspire so many people to do the same. You go girl, just goes to show that good things definitely come out of bad situations, and you’re looking hotter than ever!!

    Abi | abistreetx

  2. December 5, 2017 / 6:23 pm

    You look fabulous! It’s taken me years to find my style and now I’ve got to change it all again with my new mum bod, but ya know what? I’m actually happy in my skin for once xx

  3. December 5, 2017 / 6:26 pm

    I love this post! I’m 6 months away from my 30th and I really feel like I know who I am and what I want to be wearing. I no longer dress for the occasion and wear what I feel so best in!

    Ruth //

  4. December 5, 2017 / 6:45 pm

    Love this post! So lovely to hear you finally feel comfortable. I can totally relate! My post this week was about similar stuff, finding clothes that I finally feel comfortable in despite them not quite “fitting the mold”, feels so much better, and comfier! It’s amazing how much we adapt our style to partners sometimes without even realising.

    Keep doing you boo
    Abi x

  5. December 6, 2017 / 2:31 pm

    Loved following you on your fashion journey in this post Vix. Totally get the ‘casual but with a statement necklace’ phase… I had my own but with scarves! Congratulations on finding your style and what suits you best.

  6. January 6, 2018 / 12:07 pm

    That yellow top is LOVE. Also I feel like I’m going through the same, partly by being 29 as of 4 days ago, and partly because a serious relationship makes being 29 seem so much more adult and settled than my single 28. I start to craving some normality that is missing from my current wardrobe which has pieces from before a decade ago.