This post may come across as wanking myself off over the words that are included but hopefully by the end you’ll see why I’m asking this question.
What led me to ask that question you’re thinking. After writing my post on ‘exciting emails’ and how the blogosphere currently feels overrun with everyone and their Nan celebrating their press trips to Skegness or their collaborations with Poundland (who still haven’t called me). This feeling of celebrating and noticing everyone else’s achievements can’t help but make me feel worried that there aren’t any for me to shout about.
Whilst my boyfriend reminds me daily of the small steps towards success that this year has already been taken (Gemma Collins retweeted my post so I can basically retire) I still can’t help but compare this year to the last.
And I know what you’re all going to say.
Dickhead, we’re only 38 days in.
But I’m worried.
Yes I have already secured more brand collaborations this year than all of my previous years combined (I told you I’m wanking myself off – that is the vinegar stroke) BUT the things I *thought* I would achieved by now, I haven’t.
At the end of last year I had balls in the air regarding books, TV shows and magazine articles. But those balls seemed to have dropped quicker than Daniel Radcliffe’s between Harry Potter 2 and 3.
So here I am wondering what my year ahead looks like and worrying about whether I’m going to have to knock on my headteacher’s door come summer and beg for my job back because I’ve faded into Internet obscurity and no one gives a shit any more.
This feeling of expired career prime has also trickled over into a feeling of expired prime within myself.
Taking these photos, in Primark lingerie to show off their incredibly sexy but also super comfy Valentine’s range left me a crying mess in bed this weekend just gone.
And then I stopped being an utter twat.
I had a word with myself. My boyfriend (as he always brilliantly does) had a word with me.
I realised that success isn’t always a straight line up but that every step – however small – is one that goes forward.
I realised that body confidence is similar. Yes there are times where I’m confused as to why Britney Spears hasn’t called me and asked me to be a body double (side note – how much do you love her videos of herself trying on clothes. ASPIRATIONAL) but there are also times where I feel like a literal sack of shit. As if someone has gotten a sack – like the ones we used to use in sports day – and filled it with steaming manure and given it my birth certificate. However, every time that I instead feel a small spark of confidence I take it as another step forward to feeling better within myself.
So here comes the bit where I wank off over Primark lingerie.
After taking a long hard look at myself. After I reassured myself that I was good enough, relevant enough and successful enough to not give myself a hard time constantly, I looked at myself in the lingerie in a different way.
Yes I have armpit hair that my boyfriend swears he doesn’t mind but might actually get fed up of having to de-mat it after a while BUT, I can look pretty banging in a cami and shorts set.
Yes, I may not have signed my 6 figure publishing deal (yet) but if I wore that robe with some Doc Martens and a shirt underneath to a literary agent meeting they’d know I’d bloody mean business.
And whilst I may not be out there, 38 days in, smashing every single goal I’ve ever set myself ever – the goal of looking at myself in the mirror, in lingerie and not vomiting has been achieved.
If you want to feel like a sassy, confident and successful boss bish – I suggest you get yourself down to Primark pronto before you too feel out of your prime(ark).
I had to do it I’m sorry.