Love Island Series 4, Episode 1 Catch-Up
Perhaps you, like most of the nation, settled in at 9pm last night to watch the launch of arguably the most anticipated TV series in the UK – or perhaps you missed it but logged onto Twitter to find 94% of your timeline chatting about it and are now suffering with complete FOMLI (fear of missing Love Island) – don’t worry, I’ve got your back.
Each ‘morning after the night before’, I’ll be bringing YOU a run-down of all of the goings on in the villa. So whether you’re completely addicted or just want to see what the fuss is all about, read on to find what happened last night…
9pm rolls round and the entire nation ignore their notification that HQ Trivia is starting, because LOVE ISLAND IS BACK, SHARON. We’re treated to clips of the islanders in their ‘natural’ habitats and it’s the summer movie blockbuster trailer we never knew we needed.
We see air hostess Laura, strip off her uniform and cast it aside and Harry Potter fan Niall in a cape – as if that’s what he does all day long. Dani Dyer Daughter of Danny Dyer (DDDD) saunters through a pub that looks suspiciously like the Queen Vic – a taster of how and when she might drop the, ‘I’m DDDD’ Marcel-esque type bomb.
The beginning credits roll over a 00s club classic and the nation’s summer Spotify playlists start immediately. You’ve Got The Love by Candi Station, a staple.
Dulcet tones emanating from Scottish glow-up extraordinaire, Iain Stirling welcome us to our home for the next 8 weeks.
We’re now given a tour of the villa (as if we don’t have the layout completely memorised from previous series – we’ve seen people shagging in the showers Iain, we know where they wash). Quotes from previous series are emblazoned on walls and furniture. As if a stool can be ‘muggy’ but yes, that kitchen is a ‘bit of me’.
Our first two islanders arrive in true Malibu Barbie style – hanging out the top of a jeep.
Both Samira and Hayley are screeching with the excitement that ONLY comes with knowing you’ll soon have a million Instagram followers and a Pretty Little Thing code.
LET’S MEET THE ISLANDERS
Samira, 22, London is a Musical Theatre performer. Now is the time to start counting how many times she mentions she was in Mamma Mia. She is our ‘Dreamgirl’ and seems fairly normal. She’s beautiful and articulate but assures us that previous relationships have turned her into a ‘Stone’ and a ‘cold bitch’.
Her and Hayley grab some drinks by the bar in their teeny bikinis, high heels and make up – we enjoy it while we can because we know within days the girls have flip-flops surgically attached to their feet and love to rock the, ‘this is just a tan’ no make-up, make-up look.
Next we meet Hayley, 21, a model from Liverpool. She describes herself as ‘dozy’, and admits she doesn’t use big words – subtitlers everywhere rejoice at not having to decipher too much of her Scouse accent. She lets us know that her ex treated her awfully and gives us our first catchphrase of the summer – ‘Boy Bye’. New Look runs into print of beach towels with that slogan 3 minutes later.
After Hayley is Kendall, 26, from Blackpool who is a shoe shop manager. She’s proud of her 33% discount and we’re bamboozled by how much she looks like Kady from season 2. She seems nice and harmless but we’ve all been led down this path before.
The girls are chatting about what each of them do. Samira mentions she’s a dancer, (MAMMA MIA KLAXON) yet Hayley asks if she can twerk. It’s going to be a loooong hot summer for Samira – but she replies with grace and allows Hayley’s ignorance.
Arguably the most hyped star of the show is next – it’s DDDD. I’ve already got a favourite. She’s warm, sweet, funny and on the island to find love. It’s at this moment though where I remember the Danny Dyer (Dani’s Dad – DDDD, oh wait, confusing) did a TV show about finding UFOs, I suddenly wonder how normal she’ll actually be.
Next we meet the final ‘starting’ girl, Laura – an air hostess. I didn’t catch Laura’s age but then I am suspicious that they didn’t tell us her age as she looks and seems a lot older than the rest of the girls. She is embraced by the others as if they’re not going to be killing each other over blokes in the next few episodes. She confirms the air-hostess stereotype by informing us that she’s a member of the mile high club (did we need to know?).
It’s The Return Of The Flack. Cazza Flazza walks in looking RESPLENDENT in yellow (her dress) and orange (her incredible tan – has she been out there since the last series?) and she shows off her engagement ring because god forbid we confuse her with one of the singles now, eh?
She asks the girls who is here for Love and who’s here for Lust.
Dani wants love. Hayley wants a laugh. Samira likes a pretty boy and Laura’s game plan is to make the boys love her. Viewers immediately start to understand the mixture of boys and girls that the producers have their eye on. Who will love Dani? Who will be funny enough for Hayley? Which boy is pretty enough for Samira? And who will make Olivia fall into the dick-sand? Sorry, did I say Olivia? I meant Laura.
Now it’s time to meet the boys and couple up.
First up is Niall, 23 a student from Coventry. The wand and cape from the trailer are immediately explained when he tells us he’s a Harry Potter fan with a tattoo of Hermione’s wand. He also informs us that he’s got, ‘loadsa layers – like an onion’. Is he a Shrek fan too? He seems nice, I don’t want to Avada Kedavra him just yet.
Cazza explains the rules (so for those who haven’t gotten bed sores from sitting for previous 8 week series) that the girls who fancy Niall should step forward so that he can choose who to couple up with. In GENIUS storyline style, it actually doesn’t matter who steps up, Niall can pick anyone.
We cut to the adverts as no one steps forward. Awkward.
We’re back and relieved that fellow Harry Potter fan Kendall steps forward for wand-bearer Niall. Perhaps she wants him to Slytherin her Chamber of Secrets. No that’s not the last Potter pun you’ll get. Niall seems happy.
Next we meet Alex, 27 and an A&E doctor from Wales. No adverts now – literally no one steps forward. CF asks the girls why that is and they reply with a mixture of too nice, no beard or no tan. He is not their McDreamy. So Alex gets to choose and he plumps for Laura.
Samira now expresses regret for not going for Niall. Niall is sure he’s happy with Kendall.
Now we meet Wes, 20, a mechanical engineer, and a walking Snapchat Filter Selfie. He is confident that he’ll walk out of the villa with his dream girl but I think that he’s got all the gears but no ideas.
After being with Alex for less than for 42 seconds, Laura steps forward for Wes as he has a ‘twenty-pack’. A&E doctor…twenty pack…OK, we see you, Laura.
DDDD lets us know that she doesn’t like choosing on first sight, she wants to get to know the boys more. We fall more in love with her.
Next up is Eyal (pron. Eyar not Eyalllll – I *think*). The general consensus is that ‘his hair’s cool’. He’s 22 and a model from London. He’s not our usual contestant – he tells us he’s spiritual, inspirational and that he’s big on aura and energy whilst posing with a massive donut – accurate?
The 3 single girls step forward. Hayley likes his hair. Samira likes his hair. Dani thinks he seems sweet. Eyal chooses Hayley. DDDD is sweet.
Now we meet Arg-a-like Jack 26 a pen salesman from Essex. He sweetly tells Caz Flaz that he’s nervous because of how stunning all of the girls are.
Both Samira and Dani step forward, Jack breathes a sigh of relief that he’s been picked whilst our Love Doctor, Alex looks on forlornly.
Jack picks Dani. Samira is FUMING. The couples are complete.
Caroline informs the contests that everyone will be sharing a bed – sound good? The Girls are *silent* whilst the boys are incredibly eager.
But it wouldn’t be Love Island if there wasn’t a ‘bombshell’ and this season’s social grenade is Adam, 22 (are we sure? He looks OLDER) a Personal Trainer (of course) from Newcastle – but as he tells us, he’s ‘not the serious, posey person you see on Insta’ – time will tell my friend. When asked to describe himself in the bedroom department, he goes for ‘flamboyant, fun, quick’. He’s a Mexican wrestler in the sack. Yet the girls will fall for him as he’s, ‘everyone’s type on paper’. Lucha. Lucha. Lucha.
Adam lets the group know that he likes Dani, Jack holds on to her for dear life.
He then gives his opinion on each of them by referring to them as numbers. He seems great.
Cazza tells him he’s got a while to get to know the girls before choosing who he’d like to couple up with so now it’s time for them all to chat to each other and get to know one another.
The guys are gathered on the sofas and are bonding and comparing white teeth. Jack wins by a Ross Geller MILE. We fall more in love with Jack as he tells everyone all about the stationery he sells ala David Brent asking where you get your tampons from. It’s brilliant.
We then cut to Alex and Samira both reassuring each other that neither of them would’ve chosen either of them – they just got lumped together. Aah isn’t that nice. We are then treated to the best segue ever in a conversation that went like this, from Samira: ‘you work in a&e that’s intense? How long have you been single?’
Now we’re with Haeyaly who are trying to work out how to pronounce his name. How many different variations of Eyal can we say? Ey-al, Ey-all, Ey-a, Ey-ar – it’s the Outkast song on repeat.
Hayley tells us all that she loves a guy that’s deep – but are we talking Joaquin Phoenix deep or Chris with the baby doll from last season, deep. I can’t quite tell.
Now we see Kendall and Niall bonding over Harry Potter. He asks which one’s her favourite and it’s immediately clear – she has NOT SEEN HARRY POTTER. After umming and erring and not remembering what any of them are called, she pulls an Alan Partridge with ‘ooh I’d have to say, best of’.
We see our first sign of squeaky bum from Niall as he christens Adam, ‘Abs MacGee’ and asks Kendall if she’d go for Adam over him. Kendall reassures him that whilst Adam is 100% her type on paper, she’s happy with Niall.
We’re back from the break and Samira is STILL confirming that she really really DOESN’T like Alex. He needs to be resuscitated from that double mugging.
Wes says he’ll be laying it on Laura ASAP but she fancies Adam (or Alex or Wes – already can’t keep up). He’s worried. We can all smell it.
Now we’re in the dressing room, getting ready for the evening and the girls are putting full make up on – give it 3 days before it’s just mascara and lip-balm. Don’t let me down ladies.
Laura walks in rocking the Olivia Atwood ponytail and the internet immediately erupts in memes about her copying. It’s a matter of time before she starts falling in to Adams dick-sand.
And it literally is just a matter of time as Laura is straight onto Adam and Wes gets immediately territorial and steals her away for a chat. Laura says looks wise that Adam is her type but didn’t she say that about Wes too?
At this point I’m wondering if he found out how old Laura is.
Dani dropped the Danny Dyer bomb on Jack who is now scared of sleeping with her. I’m confused as to why anyone would be scared of Danny Dyer, the Eastenders actor – one of their Dads could be a Kray for all we know.
Adam takes Dani away for a chat and says that he’s interested in her – he wonders if she’s interested in Jack, Jack looks on sadly. He describes her as forbidden fruit, completely taking away her agency of who she actually wants to be with. I hope she says something similar to him, but nope. ‘Maybe I’m a banana’. Maybe DDDD, maybe.
Now we see Niall trying it on with Kendall but she’s playing it cool – it’s just too soon to spoon for her.
It’s bed time and the Islanders climb in beside their respective partners. Jack compliments Dani in her natural, make up free, state *swoon* whilst Alex pops his retainer in – but can he retainer his girl?
It doesn’t seem likely as after the break, Adam sits down to chat to Samira. Samira cannot flirt AT ALL even though she fancies him. I like Samira even more.
After their chat, OliviLaura asks Samira if she likes Adam because Laura definitely DOES and she doesn’t want to like the same people (COME ON, we know she doesn’t give a shit) and approximately 4 seconds after asking Samira’s permission to go for it with Adam, Laura finds him on the sofa again.
Adam again shows exactly why all the girls should be falling for him as he tells us that he ‘could pick up Laura if I wanted to’. Charming AND like a Lucha Libre in bed. Sigh, what more could anyone want (oh and to everyone comparing him to Christian Grey – no. Just no. Stop.)
Kendall is ‘meh’ about Adam but Niall is worried. Kendall says Niall has pulled her out of her shell. At this point, King Dick (or is that King Dickhead) Adam peacocks over for a chat with Kendall and Niall begrudgingly leaves.
Kendall says she would’ve stepped forward for Adam but that she’s happy with Niall – he feels like home to her. The nation tilts their heads to the left and aws.
After the break we witness chats where Jack and Niall both appear nervous about losing their partners to Adam. Niall is feeling gale force prangy and I already have a new favourite saying that I can’t wait to use in every day conversation.
Then it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for…TEEEEXT
Adam must choose a girl.
Gathering at the fire pit, the girls couldn’t sit further away from the guys they’ve already been paired with, in a, ‘nah I’m not bothered about him, pick me’, kinda way and the first message is read out #SAVAGE.
Our man of the hour Adam delivers a speech explaining who he has chosen and why, (Dani? Kendall? Laura?) and he reveals he has picked… NO ONE. Thanks ITV for leaving us hanging there – guess we’ll have to find out next time.
Luckily ‘next time’ is tonight – if you’ve enjoyed this catch-up, PLEASE share it with your mates and on your social media. More tomorrow…
Oh and don’t forget to use the Instagram templates I’ve made here. At the end of each show, you can post to your story telling your friends and followers who your Hero and Villain for each show is.