Love Island Series 4, Episode 12. Catch up on Friday night’s episode here.
Aaaaand we’re back. It’s the day after Haylie departed and immediately the average IQ in the house has raised 32 points.
The boys are telling Alex that they don’t want him to jump on any old girl that walks in because he deserves the best. Unfortunately the producers keep slinging in teenage-Instagram models and somehow, Alex is just not their type on paper.
Georgia is totally feeling Josh because she’s just MAD, WILD and TOTALLY UP FOR ANYTHING so she needs him to ground her. We hope he sends her to the bedroom for 12 hours where she has her phone taken off her, the wifi password changed and she can only come down for tea but HEY HO.
It’s revealed that Rosie has her back pierced and not just by Adam every time someone asks him about the state of their ‘relationship.’
The hideaway has remained open and Dani and Jack have been voted to go and do bits. He said it’s practice when they live together. What, above the Queen Vic?
Jack says he’s found what he wants in a girlfriend in Dani. She tells him that she hasn’t had a boyfriend for ages and his scared. Somehow we ALL feel like she doesn’t need to be scared at all with this smitten kitten.
Adam is teaching Jack how to make Dani breakfast. So he is good for something. He tells Jack that Rosie released the blue balls. The nation’s eyes rolled so far back into their heads at a grown man talking about his testicles as if he was a teenager. Breakfast points discarded.
Dani loves the breakfast and thinks Jack is everything she ever wanted. Jack reckons he’s turned into a melt but no, no, no – the nation has at the cuteness of these two.
Rosie tells Megan that she did things with Adam and that it’s natural. They have a very important discussion on how women are always shamed for sex where men aren’t and that it’s just a thing that happens.
Whilst I can’t bear either of them – I v v v much enjoyed the producers keeping this chat in for the demographic of viewers who needed reminding of this fact.
Georgia wants to play ‘dares’ but no one wants to, so she wants to play, ‘dare Georgia’. Because it’s 7:45am and she hasn’t had enough attention yet.
She is dared to go and rub cream into Jack whilst he is sat next to Dani.
Dani is as incredulous at the cheek as the rest of us.
Next, Georgia goes over to Wes (who is sat with Laura) and starts rubbing his skin. Wes calls her out on her annoying immaturity.
I worry that they could dare her to suck off the rogue pigeon that turns up every day to eat the crumbs – and she would.
Dani tells her that she’s annoying. The nation agrees with Dani but Georgia isn’t fussed.
Then she goes to dash Laura with water but Laura warns her not to. She OF COURSE still does. Because a dare is a dare.
In retaliation, Laura fills up a condom and dumps it on to Georgia’s head. She calls her a stupid dick. Are we warming to Laura?
The boys ask Joshua if he can see it going somewhere. He admits she’s annoying and too much but he also likes her because, sure.
They ask Wes where his head is at and he says that he is well happy with Laura and no one will turn his head.
I’m noticing lots of ominous comments from Laura/Wes about how REALLY REALLY SURE they are about each other and I just KNOW something is going to happen…
The girls are going out for dinner.
As soon as they leave, the boys start whacking each other with bean bags because what better way to show how masculine you all are than homo-erotically bashing each other with pink, bursting sacks.
The boys are talking about what it’s like to have the girls away and Rosie receives another back-piercing in the form of Adam suggesting it’s a nice break from her.
Alex likes the break from Samira having a go about sun cream. WE DON’T. Slather it on, you pale fuck.
Alex reads the message from Ellie and Zara – two new girls are entering.
They arrive and it’s immediately clear that Adam and Ellie know each other.
She reckons she’s spoilt for choice in the villa and she doesn’t have a type. Let me guess, ADAM?
Zara doesn’t want someone too serious – she loves a bad boy. Of course… ADAM.
The girls ask the boys where their heads are at in their couples and Wes is FIRST TO PIPE UP that everyone is open minded – ARE THEY WES?
Wes suggests to the girls that he, Jack and Adam are the most settled in their couples and Adam’s face crinkles so far into itself that only an iron from Alex will sort it.
Zara lets on that Adam is her first choice. Adam and Eyal tell the girls that they would be open to getting to know people. BECAUSE SNAKES>
Alex is trying to get to know Ellie but Josh is there too. FGS man, take a hint. Ellie sells cars, Alex likes cars. He’s holding on to any thread here.
After chatting to Ellie, Alex takes Zara off. He’s trying to work out if they have any common ground and they find out that they’re proper compatible, like because they both like staying up late to watch the votes come in during elections. And I mean, if that isn’t the basis of a solid relationship – I don’t know what is.
Adam tells everyone that he is content with Rosie RIGHT NOW but he’s not ruling out getting to know Zara. He knows where his bread is buttered and his sausage is spread.
He sends Rosie the selfie of the new girls whilst they’re still out to dinner. Laura and Georgia are fuming that Wes and Joshua are STANDING NEAR THE GIRLS. Get Jeremy Kyle in, this screams lie-detector trust test.
The girls decide to fuck off dessert and are going back to assess the situation.
Zara’s chatting to Adam about wanting to work out. She asks him for a PT date and he accepts.
The episode ends with the new girls being introduced to everyone. Here’s hoping that they set the cat amongst the pigeons. Or the love-rats amongst the girls.
Ben’s Thought Of The Episode: ‘Alex has got no hope, has he? Can we get him a personality transplant?’
Bit harsh babe, it’s not his fault he’s not interested in BOOZE, BEEFA, BIRDS and BANTZ like the others.
SO – what do you think of the new girls? Who will they couple up with?
After tonight’s episode, I’ll be using my Instagram templates to discuss my hero/villain of the show AND who I guess will couple with who – I hope you play along too!