Love Island Series 4, Episode 13. Read the previous day’s catch up, here.
We’re back with a new girls BANG and Georgia tells us that she respects newbies Ellie and Zara – unless they go for ‘her’ man. Sorry, the guy you’ve known for 3 minutes?
Zara and Ellie think the original girls are being cold towards them. It’s remarkable how quickly Rosie and Georgia have forgotten that they also had to go through the same thing as the new girls BUT when you’re THAT insecure about your, ‘man’, what are you to do?
Rosie tells Adam she’s a bit shaky. Adam knows Rosie knows that Zara is his type. He pulls the classic negging manoeuvre of telling Rosie that Zara looks like her. It’s like comparing David Beckham with David Cameron.
Samira tells Alex that Ellie wouldn’t look at him in a club and them immediately gets frustrated when trying to back-track because she realises THAT WAS MEAN.
She’s not-so-subtley insinuating that Ellie looks like, ‘the type’ (user? Fake? whatcha getting at Sam?) and that she’s trying to protect the Doctor. Because he needs to be patronised more.
Eyal and Megan are talking about the new girls and he does the ultimate manipulation tactic of telling Megan she needs to be more affectionate – he needs more reassurance – with the hint that if she doesn’t give it, his eyes will wander. The men in this house are reaaaallly something.
Laura questions Wes over his level of fancying the other girls. She presses him to say it’s her he fancies the most. It’s almost as if Wes can smell the neediness.
Rosie asks Adam if he missed her whilst she was at dinner. He said no. He’s not lying.
After the break, Alex asks Adam if he fancies Zara. Purely on looks Adam would go for Zara – as he’s clearly got a type. What’s that? Brunette, gorgeous and an enormous capacity for bullshit?
Zara told the girls that she thinks Adam is a god and they tell Rosie who said ‘he’s with a goddess sooo.’ The only God Adam is anything alike is the three-faced, Hindu god, Brahma.
Rosie thinks Zara is playing with fire by going for Adam because she can be fiery. Let’s hold the other woman accountable for your ‘man’s’ wandering eye, shall we hun?
All the lads are talking to Zara about territory marking. Adam is “open” to getting to know new people and he tells her she should be brave. She’s going to need courage to spend more than 4 breaths on him.
Rosie, Laura and Dani are comparing themselves to the new girls. Laura is anxious because she thinks she looks like Ellie, therefore Ellie is Wes’s type.
Ellie is chatting to Zara and says that Alex’s confidence gets constantly knocked and they haven’t seen his best side yet. She then proceeds to make some cracking doctor/sex puns and the nation remember what it’s like to laugh at someone in this show.
Wes, Adam and Jack are chatting in the kitchen and Wes tells them he is open to getting to know Ellie. Don’t do it Wes – WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU.
He disappears to the diary room to tell us that out of anyone in the villa, he’d still choose Laura. Who wants to bet how long that’ll last?
Ah ok, about 5 seconds because Laura is telling Rosie that Wes has gone cold, she hasn’t spoken to him all day and is having to chase him round for affection.
The new girls can choose 3 boys to date, one prepares a starter, another the main and the last person makes the dessert. Without blinking, Ellie goes for Josh then Wes and ends with Alex. Apparently nice guys DO finish last.
Zara goes for Alex then Eyal and finally, Adam.
Alex chats to the boys in the bedroom who question him over his dating technique. He reckons he’ll go for a kiss and with elbows. Sorry, what? Maybe why you’re single, mate.
Wes asks Laura if she’s OK and instead of being draped over her like a drunk businessman in 1st class, he’s sitting as far away from her as possible. She’s not stupid and calls him out for being distant.
It’s dinner time and Alex has made Zara nachos whereas Josh has made Ellie a lettuce. FUCK ME these guys are awful.
Josh is laying it on Ellie by trying to sabotage her appetite so that the other dates pale in comparison. At this point, Josh probably thinks Georgia is a type of salad dressing.
Zara tells Alex that she wants someone who gets her and wants to do fun things with. Like stay up all night watching votes come in? She tells Alex she finds him endearing. Aka boring. Aka more Doc patronising. Wow.
Ellie asks Josh how he feels about Georgia, his response is literally ‘3 days’. Trash.
Alex feels there was a connection with Zara. Ellie asks Zara if she likes him. She does. Ellie likes Josh.
Laura feels sick that Wes is cooking for Ellie.
Ellie tells Wes that he is the one she’s nervous about. Nervous because she likes him? Or because she saw what Laura did to Georgia with the water condom and doesn’t fancy the same treatment? Wes reckons he’s happy with Laura but could be happier.
The arse isn’t always greener, Wes.
Eyal tells Zara that it’s early days with Megan but that he’s happy so far. The affection is there but other things are lacking. Like conversation? Sexual attraction? Or a mutual interest in clothing made from straw?
Wes tells Ellie that Laura was off with him today and it put him off her. Because a ‘nice guy’, always slags off the girl he’s been seeing to the one he wants to get to know more of. Shame.
Not all of Eyal’s eggs are in Megan’s basket and he’d be open to getting to know Zara. Megan will be pleased, we definitely don’t need those fertilising and a million little curly-haired twots running around the place.
Wes would be happy to get to know Ellie even though he’s in a couple and we finish on Ellie revealing that she really likes Wes.
She still has a date with the Dr – could it all change? The preview certainly gives us a hint!
I’d give this episode 8 MUGGIES out of 10. The men are absolute trash (apart from precious Jack and Alex) and the girls may as well be branded doormats being sold for £8 in the Love Island section of Primark.
Hero: It’s really hard for me to like anyone on this show and we didn’t see much of Jack or Dani. I do like Alex but find his entitlement to girl’s affections a bit off-putting. So this episode it’ll be Ellie for wanting some penis-cillin.
Villain: I mean it should probably be Adam every episode but Wes really took the biscuit. Ben and I have been singing his praises that he’s nothing like how he appears in his intro video AND THEN THAT ALL HAPPENED. He could wing his way back in our good books if he packs it the fuck in but this space will be well and truly watched.
Ben’s Thought Of The Show:
Someone needs to tell Alex that getting your elbows out is for defending the ball not attacking the goal. Football reference, guilty.