Love Island Series 4 Episode 2 Catch Up (see the previous episode catch-up here)
We’re back after that punch in the tit of a cliffhanger to find out that Adam has surprised us all and has chosen Kendall instead of Dani.
Niall pouts and swoops his hair like he just don’t care. Except he does. He really does.
Niall gets a text to say he’s got until the end of the week to couple up with another girl or he risks getting booted off of the island. He is feeling well and truly muggled off.
Kendall and Adam find out they are off on a date.
We cut to the bedroom to see Niall talking through his big shock. Apparently 6’8″ Adam should never be trusted around your girl because, ‘You can never trust a guy with abs like that.’
Laura is surprised that Adam didn’t choose her. No one else is surprised.
Adam later refers to, ‘easier choices’ he could make. It becomes apparent that Laura just laid it on too thick for Adam. What will be her next move?
Adam is in the Diary Room equivalent to explain his choice of Kendall. He reckons that he always gets what he wants. The nation prays that the next thing he wants is looser fitting trousers.
For the love of God man, we can see the two pubes you probably have left.
Jack is delighted that he’s kept Dani. He can now crack on. I’m still trying to work out if he actually likes Dani for Dani or because she’s DDDDD (Danny Dyer’s Daughter Dani Dyer).
Niall is this series Montana and starts chowing down in stressful moments. He’s clearly ‘going on a major prang’ about Kendall and Adam’s date.
Straight away, Samira is ON Niall knowing he needs to couple up to stay. He can finally get her away from Alex because have you heard? She’s REALLY not into Alex.
Kendall and Adam arrive at their date which is essentially the parking lot of the villa made to look pretty with 5258356 Aldi candles.
I’m hoping that Adam’s schlicked back, gelled bonce doesn’t get close to an open flame.
Kendall assumes Adam has had lots of dates. He can’t quite work out why she thinks that. Come on Adam, who are you kidding? If I once had two dates in one day, you’ve definitely had your lot.
The date between Kendall and Adam is interspersed with various cuts of Niall ABSOLUTELY LOSING HIS SHIT. But Niall is fine. Totally fine though. Niall is as fine as Ross was after Barbados.
Iain Stirling informs us that Niall’s Mum has let us know that when he’s nervous he tends to say the word, ‘like’ a lot. He proceeds to say like about 25 times in a sentence. The nation prays that Niall does not get nervous again this series.
Back to the date and Kendall refers to Adam’s eyes like murky pond water and I can’t help but feel like that’s a metaphor for his intentions.
The ‘Too Soon To Spoon?’ question is raised again but instead, Adam kisses Kendall so that they don’t have to spoon. How confusing is that analogy? I’m just going to be hit by a car so that we don’t have to walk. What?
Now we’re having a 1-2-1 with Dani who is happy AT THE MINUTE with Jack at the minute. Because at the minute he seems like a nice guy at the minute. We get it Dani, your eye is on the door…
Eyal and Hayley are discussing whether the show is a game – Hayley doesn’t think so but Eyal does.
Hayley is disappointed as she honestly thinks she’s here to meet the one (I mean, has she SEEN previous series).
Even though their names share most of the same letters I don’t think either of them could spell either of their names.
Eyal speaks exclusively in Pinterest Motivation quotes and then Hayley gives Eyal the passive agg cold shoulder. Could this be the end of Haeyaly?
Kendall and Adam are back from their date and she goes to sit with the girls who obviously want the immediate gossip as to what went down.
Niall listens in to Hayley asking Kendall what she’s thinking before the girls take off to continue the convo away from prying ears. If he ever needed an Extendable Ear it’s now.
Kendall says she likes Niall but that Adam seems too good to be true. Kendall acts as if she’s not used to male attention.
Niall asks Kendall how her aioli was. I don’t think he knows what aioli is. Is this the final Niall in the coffin?
According to Niall, Adam is Zeus and Angelina Jolie’s love child. He doesn’t feel like he can compete for Kendall’s affections.
Kendall pulls the classic neggy move and tells Niall that she’d love to merge the two of them to make her perfect man. Niall immediately assumes she means taking his personality and putting it with Adam’s looks and is upset.
At this point I’m starting to get really overwhelmed by Niall’s self-esteem rambles. Is it faux-modesty or does he REALLY see himself as Harry Potter with 5 less abs than Draco Malfoy?
Kendall’s now crying over upsetting Niall – she’s known him a day and a half.
It’s bed time and Wes and Laura are spooning. Looks like Laura has admitted defeat in the fight for Adam’s attention – for now.
Jack is giving Dani the ‘get a hold of you look’ – she doesn’t look too pissed off.
And we end the evening with Adam and Kendall who turns to face away from him to sleep whilst Niall, who is in next bed, peeks over to see what they’re up to.
It’s the next morning and Samira is still not into awkward Alex – she doesn’t want to flirt with him or speak to him.
Has he done something wrong that the producers haven’t shown us? Like given the entire house worms? Because I can’t understand why she isn’t even conversing with him on a basic level? Did he block the toilet?
Alex is frustrated that Samira isn’t letting her barriers down and giving him the chance. Alex is TOO POSH FOR THIS. He articulately explains to Jack that she won’t even give him the time of day. Jack gives him a super sweet pep-talk. I like this budding bro-mance.
Kendall calls Niall in for a DNM (deep and meaningful) and Niall confronts her over her wanting to mesh him and Adam together.
Niall backs himself and his layers. This is the 14th layers reference and I’m tired. So is Kendall. She turns on the water works out of guilt for upsetting him.
Hayley reads out the info for the ‘Excess Baggage’ challenge. The islanders head to the challenge area and are met with a spinning wheel with baggage landing onto the carousel.
Each section has a picture of an Islander – and this is where the rules got too complicated for me – basically a secret is read out by an islander and then they have to snog who they think it’s about.
One of the boys spent £1k on the first date, reads Laura. She reckons it’s Jack and gives him a kiss. Dani looks mildly irritated. It’s revealed that the flashy git is actually Wes. Laura’s eyes light up and you can almost see the pound coins glinting in her pupils.
One of the boys once used a musical instrument as a sex toy. Kendall reckons it’s Wes so plants a smacker on him. It was in fact Niall, who revealed it was a recorder. I hope he could play the G sharp.
One of the boys has had a threesome with his friend and a girl. Hayley reckons it’s Jack so goes in for a smooch but we are all surprised to hear it was actually Alex, the doctor, who completed a triple bypass.
One of the boys is revealed to have cheated on all of his girlfriends and we, as a nation were a bit gutted to find out it was Jack. No more gutted than Dani though, who was shocked when Jack discounted it as, ‘only two’.
Now it’s the girl’s turn and we find out that one of the girls has only ever had one boyfriend. Alex reckons it’s Hayley so goes in for the mouth to mouth but as he’s about 0.2cm away from her lips, she pulls away and laughs in his face. Alex needs immediate resuscitation.
Next up is the girl who has had a threesome that only lasted 3 minutes. Wes uses this opportunity to lay the smackdown on Laura but it’s Samira who had a 3 minute threes-up – which is about the same amount of time that it takes for her to mention she’s been on the West End.
One of the girls has joined the Mile High Club and whilst THE ODDS ARE IN LAURA’S FAVOUR seeing as she spends 386384 hours a week IN THE AIR, Jack kisses Dani.
One of the girls was in a relationship with a Hollywood star so Eyal kisses Hayley. It was in fact Samira who admits that she used to date Chris Pine. Or, ‘Spock’, if you’re Niall.
Niall kisses Kendall to show the ‘big dog who’s boss’ when we learn that Kendall doesn’t remember all of her boyfriend’s names. I mean, she couldn’t remember one of the Harry Potter books even though she’s a massive fan so are we really that shocked?
The game is over and it’s time to digest the new information and react to what has just happened. Alex is annoyed as he thought Hayley would be comfortable with a kiss. She was not.
Laura realised she was getting jealous of Wes kissing others – now she knows he spent £1k on a date.
Hayley has gotten the Ick over Eyal – this is definitely the end of Haeyaly – who will she be going for next?
Dani is sad that Jack has cheated on all of his girlfriends and she reckons she always chooses the same type of guys and she’s worried she’s made a mistake by choosing him.
Jack explains that he cheated on his first girlfriend because he was just a kid. He further defends his actions by saying that his ex always cheated on him too and he just hasn’t met the right person yet. But Dani is hacked off with Jack.
Alex chats to Niall about feeling like a leper that no one wants to go near. Niall tells him that him being a doctor means he’s a catch and deep. But Alex appears to be at the end of his tether here. Will he stick it out when he knows what’s coming next?
We are told that two new girls are going in!
Georgia is a 20 year old drama student who can’t distinguish between flirty and friendly and makes it quite plain that she isn’t there to make friends.
And Rosie is a 26 year old solicitor from South Wales who has quit her job to come to the island only to inevitably reject Alex as well.
So which two boys will go on the date with the girls? If you haven’t voted for Alex and Niall then I don’t think you know what you’re doing.
(My boyfriend, Ben, is now watching it alongside me having no idea or concept of the show or the contestants. I think it’s only fair that at the end of my round-up, I give him the chance to add his thoughts on each show.)
‘I think someone needs to pull the plug on Alex’.
Good. Thanks babe.