Love Island Series 4, Episode 27. You can read my episode 26 rundown, here.
It’s the aftermath of Josh v Georgia round 35232 and Josh walks away defeated. Alex tells him that he’s done the right thing and Adam agrees. Although why he puts any stock into what these two bozos have to say is beyond me.
To be honest, I do think Josh and Kaz are more suited and I do think he had to pursue things with her but the way he went about it knowing Georgia would be heartbroken was awful. He also shouldn’t have been promising her the world merely hours before deep-throating Kaz’s toe. But that’s my two-pence-worth.
Laura and Dani tell Georgia that he is not worth it. Georgia is comparing herself to Kaz and asks what Kaz has that she doesn’t. A gourmet toe? Laura tells her to remember who she was before Josh and to get that person back.
Megan asks Wes for a chat. She tells him she didn’t take the decision to bin him for Alex lightly. She did. She says she doesn’t want her cake and to eat it (she does) but she still fancies him and misses hanging out with him. She says she wants to be friends still.
And then she does that classic friend thing of touching his leg, hugging him by pressing her amazing breasts into him and then rubbing his arm as they walk away. Nice play.
Kaz tells Josh that they’re getting on well and that he won’t regret leaving Georgia for her. They both tell each other they fancy each other. Kaz is the entire package for Josh. Fab, you can both leave then, k?
It’s bed time and without a word, Alex rolls away from Grace. She can’t believe he didn’t even say good night. We can, it’ll be the 5th and 6th word he’s ever spoken to her.
The next morning and the girls are getting ready. They ask G how she’s feeling and she reckons she’s done now and can move on.
Adam tells the guys that he reckons he misses Zara and still has feelings for her. Sure mate. You just haven’t had your head turn by someone who is more your type and leaves you buzzing. Give it another 5 minutes.
Jack’s Ex (and FULL Tommy Robinson supporter) Ellie reckons she likes Sam but there’s not been much effort from him. She tells Josh and Wes that she fancies other boys in the house. Wes says he regrets not speaking to more people early on and that she should broaden her horizons.
Daryelle asks the boys if Adam has said anything about her. Keeping up the bro-code they mumble something half-heartedly and move the conversation along.
Jack asks to speak to racist Ellie. He apologises for how he treated her. The air is cleared, she can go now.
Alex comes to sit next to Grace and asks what’s gwanning. The nation do a small sick in their mouths.
He says he’s been talking to the el ay double dees about football. Grace asks who he supports. He asks what her favourite hobby is. It’s going out. This conversation is weaker than Megan’s resolve around men.
The couples will partake in a challenge called Babewatch. Partners will go head to head in a series of beach themed challenges but that’s alright because Jack reckons he’s the UK’s answer to David Hasslehoff. He and Dani are out in the first round.
The first challenge sees the couples blindfolded and they have to feed each other ice cream. I’m SICK of this show featuring slow motion angles of creamy liquids passing between each of their orifices. Foul.
The next challenge is a race in booping a shark with those inflatable thingies the Baywatch characters run with. Megan is lucky that stripping and dancing are her two strengths as we’ve now seen that walking and running are not.
Georgia keeps getting Kaz’s name wrong but Kaz isn’t bothered because she’s got Josh. How is that the prize? And Georgia’s level of petty is admirable.
The last challenge sees the remaining couples surfing on a moving podium whilst the islanders throw beach balls at them. It’s not the first time some of these boys have chucked their balls around willy nilly with the intent to harm.
The results are in and Samira and Frankie come in 3rd, Adam and Daryelle are 2nd with the winning partners being Old Ellie and Charlie MICW.
Back at the villa and the Dr is trying to drum up conversation with nowhere-near sentient being, Grace. He tells her he’s learned loads like the words ‘peng sort’ and how to be sexy by looking off into the distance.
Alex, we need to have a chat. Why are you so cucked that you’re CONSTANTLY trying to change your personality, vernacular, way of dressing and morals to try and fit in with people whose idea of giving back to society is wiping their own sick off of the bar at Oceana? We are all TIRED.
Alex reckons nothing is moving forward with Grace as she doesn’t get his sense of humour. WE have found zero evidence that he actually has one.
Adam pulls Daryelle for a chat and tells her that he’s distant with her because he still has feelings for Zara. AKA he’s just not that into her.
It’s the evening, everyone is suitably well-oiled – both in alcohol and glittery body oil. Wes tells Adam, Alex and Josh that they’re part of his plan. First he wants to chat to Racist Ellie (Rellie) and then Megan.
Wes reckons he’s on a mission. It’s week 5 and he hasn’t grafted yet. Apparently we’re not ready to see his graft and he is correct.
He takes Rellie off for a chat. He asks where her head is at. She reckons her and Sam are just friends. He lines her up spectacularly as the fall-back is Megan rejects him (again).
Sam Bird tells the group that it’s weird seeing Rellie chatting to others. He’s worried other guys are on her and that means his place in the villa isn’t safe. Probably safer without her mate.
Georgia beckons Kez/Kaz/Kes/Kassy/Kardashian over. She apologises for getting name wrong. She’s not sorry at all. She tells her that she’s happy for her but that Josh is a boy and would’ve never have stayed loyal to her. Kaz agrees with her that it’s a shit situation but they accept that they’re OK and don’t want anymore awkwardness.
So of course off Kaz goes to tell Josh that Georgia is patronising and rude.
Wes needs Dr Alex to take Meg away from Glasses Alex so he can intercept her for a chat.
He takes her to the infamous terrace – where she put her original plan of END WES AND LAURA into action. He tells her that he holds out hope for getting her back. Gross.
Megan says she gets on with Alex but it’s early days and she does still fancy Wes. He reckons he’s just got to graft her harder. Gross.
It’s revealed that we are voting for our favourite couple and the couples with the lowest votes risk being dumped from the island.
As Georgia and Wes are single, they aren’t included. Could they be given the power to choose the couples to dump?
Ben’s LIQ: ‘For someone who rates themselves as charming, the Doctor has got as much appeal as a dingleberry.’
Hero: We didn’t see much of our faves this episode and everyone else bores me to tears. No hero. All can go. Just crown Jani now.
Villain: It should be Alex for all of his vom-inducing chat. Or Adam for doing what he’s now known for doing – messing with a girl’s head. But today it’s Kaz. She had no class in being draped over Josh as if she’d beaten Georgia to a trophy. She had even less class in trying to dig Georgia out to Josh. I don’t even think she’s that into him and yeah, something doesn’t sit right for me with her.