Ah fuck that is a BLEAK TITLE. But growing apart from friends as an adult is a really bloody bleak aspect of life.
I’ve spoken before, in posts on toxic friendships, about my views on adult relationships. I find it awkwardly easy to cast off people when we’re no longer serving each other with a nurturing, two-way and healthy friendship.
But since getting engaged and sitting down to write that all-important guest list, it’s hit me. I’m 31 and almost friendless.
Now lol, I do have AMAZING friends – old uni mates that have stood the test of time, ex-colleagues who are now ACTUAL friends and the odd blog babe who I’ve grown to love over the last few years.
But I don’t have THOSE primary school friends you reminisce about eating PVA glue with. Or those secondary school buds you smoked your first cigarette and obsessed over JC Chasez with.
And I didn’t have the ‘typical’ uni group of friends who lived in halls together and promised to never speak of the time they ate 3 day old pizza that may or may not have had vomit and vodka touching it.
So when it came to writing my list (which consists of a miniscule amount of family due to being parentless and just not having a big family) and listing the friends I’d like to get married in front of, it was like a punch in the gunt to see less than 20 names there.
Sure, I’m SO excited to look across the marquee and see my teacher buds from work and uni bond over the worst children they’ve ever taught and how whiteboard pens are precious like an illegal currency or Dani Dyer. And I know there’ll be a little blogging table of gals chatting away about the bloody algorithm and whichever trend is IN at that moment. The thought of that warms my heart SO MUCH.
But I also know I’ll be looking across the haphazardly laid out tables (because lol, me) and the beautiful florals (because lol, Ben’s Mum is an amazing florist) and will see his tables of school friends, uni friends, work friends and FRIENDS 4 LYF FRIENDS and wish I had that too.
Wow I sound so friend-greedy. Like I want to smush more and more into my mouth like chocolate covered pretzels. Moreish relationships.
I do need to be SUPER grateful for the friends I’ve kept. The ones who’ve been there through the toughest times. The ones who make my sides split from laughter. The ones who send a GIF in Whatsapp and we all IMMEDIATELY get the reference. Because they are precious. More precious than whiteboard pens.
But maybe, if I’m feeling friendless, I need to seek out new relationships too. Ones that involve pretending to meet up for yoga but actually just to have a G&T over chips. Ones that can come round and watch Geordie Shore whilst Ben’s at football. Ones that can get THAT shot for Instagram and ones that help to feed my soul. And ones that totally get that for 4 weeks in a row I may prefer to sit at home, not wash my hair and eat solely beige food but will still be there for a get together when I’m free.
Apply within yeah?
Do you ever feel like making friends as an adult is difficult? Have you ever left a friendship behind and regretted it?