10 things – Pro bloggers vs Me

You know those bloggers you see, the ones with their shit completely together? The photos they take are pristine, their outfits always on point and their eyebrows? Like a tiny makeup artist fairy has flown into their bedroom and spent all night crafting them to precision. I’m not one of those.

For the purpose of this list, bloggers who are the Queens of the bloggersphere do the things in pretty italics and the rest of us (probably just me) in regular old average text.

1. They schedule their posts months in advance. NAH night before, often on the bus (like this one) and normally bashed out before proofreading because who has time for spell check nowadays? My stop is in 2 minutes!

2. Their photos have the right amount of lighting, copper, Jo Malone candles and peonies. NAH dark, barely renovated house, crumpled bedsheets and Primark candles because life is expensive and I’m not buying crap just for photo backdrops.

3. They have lunch together at some Harrods event drinking out of diamond tea cups (I imagine). NAH pyjamas, bed and a Twitter chat where we discuss what ‘on FLEEK’ actually means.

4. They pose with gifted products like it’s David Beckham in FIT TEATOX undies. NAH the only brand who want me are a tyre manufacturer (true) so I’ll pose with the stuff I actually bought in New Look thanks.

5. Their Instagram grid looks like pages 32-33 of British Vogue. NAH pictures of pets, unironed tshirts and our legs on a sunlounger in BEEFA is where it’s at.

6. Their blog looks like pages 32-33 of British Vogue. NAH Blogger template, broken links but a whole load of good content sans 47573 adverts are de rigeur.

7. They have 50k+ followers. NAH less than 1k and most of them are girls I’ve met at events who feel obliged to follow me out of politeness and then have to keep up the awkward pretence that they actually read the garbage I spew.

8. The food in their Instagram pictures is haute cuisine. NAH. If I can’t Instagram my KFC then how are the people going to know Hot Rods are back? They’re not by the way. It makes me sad every day.

9. They go glamping at festivals. NAH it’s not a festival unless you’re lying on hard grass, with your rain cover blown off and wee in your wellies because you held it for so long and then had to go in a Chinese food container that disintegrated.*

10. They have the perfect life – waking up at noon, strolling to Liberty to take pics of the flowers and going to some important meeting with Topshop or Gleam. NAH we work 60 hours a week, take photos when it’s dark outside and can’t go to any events because that would mean sacking off work and we’re responsible professionals.

Who’d be a ‘big’ blogger eh? It sounds pretty exhausting. I’m alright here, in my civil service job and shit eyebrows.

*This maybe happened to me.

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  1. August 11, 2015 / 5:14 pm

    Number 10 all the way! Oh to be able to go places in the day in the week, not on a Saturday when the whole world and its dog is out and about. Le sigh.

    • Vicky Jones
      August 12, 2015 / 12:42 pm

      Yes! Stuck at work, you miss everything.

  2. Sarah
    August 11, 2015 / 5:20 pm

    Absoltely loved this! Made me laugh so much! 😀

    • Vicky Jones
      August 12, 2015 / 12:42 pm

      Thank you! 🙂

  3. Arianne
    August 11, 2015 / 5:35 pm

    haha I literally just read a blogger’s post about that Liberty in front of flowers.. cheeky little hint there 😉

    I totally agree that some of them look like they have a perfect life, but I just remind myself that I only see a few of their best photos and none of the rest of their day.

    • Vicky Jones
      August 12, 2015 / 12:43 pm

      Oh really? I’ve just seen it a million times on Instagram. We definitely only see the good bits – they’re advertisers after all!

  4. August 11, 2015 / 5:38 pm

    Haha this is hilarious and painfully true. In my last post I didn’t take any pictures of my because I hadn’t planned to leave the house, had shit hair and was literally wearing what was clean.

    Photos in natural daylight? Not a chance.

    Brilliant post!!

    • Vicky Jones
      August 12, 2015 / 12:43 pm

      Haha! Sometimes there really ain’t no time for dat.

    • Vicky Jones
      August 12, 2015 / 12:44 pm

      Aw thank you. Don’t go giving me ideas now!

  5. Antonia
    August 11, 2015 / 5:59 pm

    This is why my favourite bloggers are not the big ones! You my friend – nail on the head!!

    Antonia xx

    • Vicky Jones
      August 12, 2015 / 12:44 pm

      Same! I don’t want to read a glossy mag – I want to read the National fucking Enquirer.

  6. Fii
    August 11, 2015 / 6:11 pm

    I love this post. All of this post. I much prefer the bloggers who are a little rough around the edges. Definitely do not want all the envy every time I scroll through instagram, so exhausting.
    Pretty sure you’d sell that tyre like a pro though 😉

    Fii | <a href="http://www.littlemissfii.co.uk/">little miss fii</a>

    • Vicky Jones
      August 12, 2015 / 12:45 pm

      I would rock that rubbery babe but not interested! Haha thanks lovely x

  7. Carrie Richmond (CazmosWorld)
    August 11, 2015 / 6:11 pm

    Can relate to every single thing you have said here, you sure you are not in my head??!


    • Vicky Jones
      August 12, 2015 / 12:45 pm

      I might be! You’d like pizza for dinner?

  8. Amy
    August 11, 2015 / 6:30 pm

    Hahahaha I love this. I can relate to almost everything you’ve said, maybe with the exception of the disintegrated Chinese food carton…. sounds like an interesting story! Such a good post x

    Amy | http://www.getglam.co.uk

    • Vicky Jones
      August 12, 2015 / 12:46 pm

      Oh it’s a story. Such a shameful, sad time. Haha!

    • Vicky Jones
      August 12, 2015 / 12:47 pm

      Aw thanks!

  9. Heidi Barnett
    August 11, 2015 / 7:45 pm

    Hi Vix, this post had me in stitches, because I too live in a ‘different’ world to the ‘big bloggers’. Real life lovely and, don’t worry, I’m pretty sure they just don’t show the sizzle in their life. I work hard at my new blog and like improving my IG pics but, Im also all for keeping it real. Thanks for making me smile
    Heidi x

    • Vicky Jones
      August 12, 2015 / 12:47 pm

      Aw you’re welcome. We’re totally rocking life this way!

  10. Christine
    August 11, 2015 / 9:15 pm

    Haha! I love this list so much!

    Christine | DimesandDonuts.com

  11. Gill
    August 11, 2015 / 9:42 pm

    Love it Vix, nice to know I’m not the only one wondering who the hell has a life like that. Bring on the KFC.

  12. Tamzin
    August 11, 2015 / 9:43 pm

    Hahah I love this! These are things that frequently go through my head when reading others blogs and Instagram.. I want to go to Liberty at 10am on a weekday, but who am I kidding?! Howling at 7 & 8 too, I can’t force myself to have porridge with fruit for breakfast just so it looks pretty! x


  13. Lauren O'Hara
    August 11, 2015 / 9:51 pm

    This is truer than true. Who has time to go and pick perfect household items just for photos? I’m scraping together coppers and 5ps for the sake of a tin of soup.
    I’m happy the way I am. Tbh, this post made my night! Love your work Vix!

    Much love,
    Lauren "Sweetened Sour" O’Hara

  14. Jemma Humphreys
    August 11, 2015 / 9:59 pm

    LMAO, I love you. We will be great friends x

  15. Brooke
    August 11, 2015 / 11:28 pm

    i’ve never read a post i related to more. i always feel like my bloglovin followers are people i was friendly with in chats once upon a time and they all felt like they had to follow me. and it gets me so worked up sometimes.

    brooke | <a href="http://www.brooke-elise.com/">brooke elise</a>

  16. August 11, 2015 / 11:47 pm

    This had me giggling the whole time! Sometimes I find myself wanting to buy stuff for photos before I cop on and realize I’m just a normal gal with a budget instead of a glam full time blogger haha xx

    <a href="http://www.loveandmarmalade.com/">Love and Marmalade</a>

  17. Laura
    August 12, 2015 / 6:53 am

    Haha yes exactly this… apart from the glamping thing… you’ve just put me off normal camping for life xx

    Laura | http://www.lovedbylaura.com

  18. Lauren Cope
    August 12, 2015 / 7:41 am

    Love this! So true x

  19. Lauren Denman
    August 12, 2015 / 8:48 pm

    Absolutely LOVE this! Pretty sure all the best posts are written from the comfort of your own bed on a lazy day, looking like a mess with half eaten dominos laying beside you!


  20. Bex
    August 13, 2015 / 12:25 am

    This post is hilarious!!! Haha!! 😀

  21. Sam
    August 15, 2015 / 5:09 pm

    Oh this is absolutely brilliant! xx

    Sam // <a href=’http://www.samanthabetteridge.co.uk’>Samantha Betteridge</a>

  22. August 15, 2015 / 9:24 pm

    Hahaa best post ever.. So true! X

  23. Hannah Delacour
    August 17, 2015 / 4:34 pm

    You’re amazing. This is just another reason as to why I love you. hahah
    Hannah Delacour x

  24. Victoria Nightingale
    August 17, 2015 / 4:36 pm

    Haha omg this is hilarious and so totally true! Totally agree on the scheduling thing – become so bad at it recently!


  25. Kathryn O'Connor
    August 17, 2015 / 4:42 pm

    Thank you for this post, I now feel like my less than organised self and blog have something to relate to haha! x


  26. Pinja
    August 17, 2015 / 4:45 pm

    Hahaha LOVE this!

  27. Susan
    August 18, 2015 / 1:31 am

    Love it ! I am a fresh newbie. HELP !

  28. August 21, 2015 / 3:15 pm

    This was hilarious! When I began blogging, I was comparing myself to these kinds of bloggers. I quickly reset my expectations of myself. My idea of decent food photography is using the least stained tea towel artfully screwed up in the corner, so I’ll probably never be any kind of blogger royalty. Still jealous though!
    Jennifer x
    <a href="http://www.ginevrella.co.uk"&gt; Ginevrella | Lifestyle Blog </a>

  29. Caroline
    August 23, 2015 / 9:48 am

    Got to love honest, funny, personal posts! 🙂
    It definitely must be hard work being perfect all the time.. Here’s to real life! #reallifeblogger :p

  30. Kirstie
    August 31, 2015 / 11:39 am

    This is HILARIOUS! There isn’t one that I don’t agree with. Number 10 is so true. I literally go to no events because they’re too bloody expensive to get to and you get told at short notice so there’s no time to book time off work.

    Kirstie | http://www.kimamelybeauty.com

  31. Samantha
    September 6, 2015 / 8:59 am

    This. All of this. Haha.

  32. October 6, 2015 / 9:21 am

    I’ve never read anything as accurate as this, so brilliant! (I may have let out a loud giggle or two). I’m always negatively comparing myself to the ‘pro’ bloggers but sometimes, you just have to embrace the average in you x

    <a href="http://www.uponmysleeve.com">Bridie | Upon My Sleeve</a>

  33. Hilary
    December 4, 2015 / 8:59 pm

    This post is amazing and I love every single thing about it. Enough said! x

  34. December 29, 2015 / 9:26 pm

    I’m with Bridie and Jennifer. Thanks for making the rest of us feel.. normal? better? As someone whose blog I admire, and also works in the same demanding profession, it’s nice to be reminded of what the reality is for non-pros xx

  35. December 3, 2016 / 11:30 am

    This is so perfect! I always get so peeved when I see people on Twitter going “Urgh! Such a busy day – I have to take blog photos, schedule 2 posts and have brunch with the bestie #dontknowhowidoit”. I always want to shout “Try doing all that after 7 hours at work while looking after 2 kids. And brunch? The closest I get to brunch is taking too long to make my coffee so I can chat to the girls in Reception and hope the Head doesn’t catch us gassing.” Oh, how to other half live!

  36. December 27, 2016 / 10:41 pm


  37. Atira Barber-Ellis
    January 4, 2017 / 3:43 pm

    You are absolutely amazing for this!! Currently binging your site. Top fav blogger, hands down.