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Raise Your Dating Standards

It’s 2017 and if you’re like me, you did NOT get kissed at midnight, on New Years Eve, by the man of your dreams. That is perfectly fine.  You might be spending the next few evenings home alone and contemplating how your year is going to pan out. Maybe you REALLY REALLY want to meet the one this year or maybe you’re happy being single. Either way, by January 4th at least, you’re going to be craving cock, sorry, company so it’s time to raise your dating standards.

2016 saw a rise in Ghosters, Breadcrumbers and Benchers. AKA Men who are too wimpy to tell you what their actions are screaming out loud (but we just choose to ignore) – they don’t want to date us. And that is absolutely fine.

My point is, I, like I imagine many of you, wasted a certain amount of 2016 on boys that just weren’t, for whatever reason, interested. As women, we love to make excuses for them. ‘They’re going through a tough time’, ‘they don’t know what they want’, ‘they want to focus on their career’ or ‘they’re not looking for anything serious.’ Sorry ladies, but they just didn’t want to date us. THAT IS HONESTLY FINE. It doesn’t mean you’re horrific, or you did anything wrong (necessarily). We just weren’t the ones who tickled their pickle sufficiently. Now I know lots of us will take that to heart. A fair portion of us will mull over it, lose confidence and wonder what we could’ve done differently. But let me just give you a little slap upside the head because 2017 needs a new dating outlook. And in true Vix style, here it is for you. It’s called…

AH WELL.

Simple eh? Ready?

He stopped texting after we banged – I got some head, ah well.

He keeps saying he’ll take me out but doesn’t – I’ll just get back on Tinder, ah well.

He said he’s not looking for anything serious – ah well, I’ll find someone who does.

SEE. IT WORKS.

In 2017 you’re going to give so many less fucks about guys that just aren’t worth it. In 2017, you’re going to up your dating standards and here’s how…

If you’re not bowled over by his pre-date chat – it’s likely that he’s not that bothered about impressing you. Yes there are the odd few who are better in person but in my opinion that’s a myth as I’ve yet to date anyone who is funnier or flirtier in person than they are by text but as ever, I’m happy to be proven wrong. But back to the matter at hand, if you’re finding it hard to rustle up conversation and the messages have an air of teeth pulling about them, BIN.

If he doesn’t ask you out on a date before you start questioning if he likes you – chances are he doesn’t like you enough. Guys who like girls, like chasing girls. ESPECIALLY if they are confident that the girl likes them. If he’s not asking when you’re free or offering up his timetable, BIN.

If you feel like you’re waiting around forever for responses and it’s starting to grateBIN. I get the ‘I’m a shit texter,’ debate and not everyone has their phone surgically attached to their hand because they don’t need to fervently post to Instagram to beat the algorithm but actually, if you like someone a lot and you don’t know when you’re next seeing them, communication is the only way to keep the spark alive.

If immediately after your date the communication starts to dwindle and he stops asking questionsBIN. Sorry but this little prick is 5 minutes away from ghosting on you – GET IN THERE FIRST. Late last year I’d had it with ghosters. I sensed it was starting to happen with someone I’d been on a few dates with. Do you know what I did? Called the guy out on it. ‘Hey buddy, where are you trying to run off to? I get that you might not want to date me anymore but ghosting is for weasels. You’re not a weasel are you?’ He replied instantly. I blocked and deleted which is also known as winning.

If you don’t fancy him from his pictures, high chance you won’t fancy him on the date. Save yourself the time, money and energy. How many times did we date someone in 2016 that we weren’t sure of, judging by their pictures? We excused our superficial selves by saying they had good chat and we’d have things in common. How many of those people did you actually end up fancying? This happened to me 12 times last year. How many did I fancy on the day? ZERO. You wouldn’t approach a guy in a bar you didn’t fancy so don’t do it on dating apps. BIN.

If you didn’t fancy him by the end of the first date, chances are it won’t grow. BIN. There are exceptions to the rule and sometimes I like to wistfully hope that I’m a grower. OK he might’ve noticed my calves are the same size as my thighs on our date but if he gives me more time, he’ll be dazzled by my wit. Except he won’t because I saw him looking at my boobs and wondering if he could settle for a pair so tiny (but PERKY gents, PER-KY) and it was obvious the attraction wasn’t there. Just cut it dead.

If you have to question at any given moment of time whether or not he likes you HE DOESN’T. It is that frigging simple. You can tell when someone likes you because women’s intuition makes you feel safe and secure. If any alarm bells are ringing – BIN.

If the sex is continually awful, that is a perfectly valid excuse to BIN. Alright first time nerves and whiskey dick can be eschewed early on. Five dates in and he still doesn’t go down on you? Or he thinks it’s appropriate to move any appendage away from your clit and inside you just as you’re about to cum? 2017 IS NOT ABOUT THAT.

In 2017, date the guys who ask you out readily, who respond promptly, who show they care and who are BOMB in bed.

Ultimately modern dating is a numbers game and you do have to kiss a lot of proverbial frogs before meeting anyone half decent but if we just make sure we’re tonguing the ones disguised as Princes (even if they don’t end up being one) instead of licking the toads then we’re upping our game.

Raising your dating standards in 2017 is all about focusing quality energy and resources on guys we have weeded out from the pack and who we, as sensible women, have deemed worthy. If they still end up being shits we’ll always have the ‘ah well’ bin.

 

PS: I started writing a new book which inspired this post. I’m 3/35 chapters down and it’s the best, most exciting thing I’ve ever written. If you’d read it COME AND TELL ME ON TWITTER so I can show booky people and be like SEE – GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT.

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10 Comments
  • Erin
    January 3, 2017

    I’ve never actually dated but it’s funny because my friend started internet dating last month. She went out with a guy who looked good and she got along with, then he told her how he had been arrested for alcohol-infused violence. What a charmer.

    Looking forward to hearing more on this book!

    Erin | beingerin.com

  • Rebecca
    January 3, 2017

    100% yes to this! Love your no-bullshit take on things. The book sounds intriguing!

    Happy new year x

  • Stephanie // Stephie Beau
    January 3, 2017

    Ahhh cannot wait for the book! I always feel so bloody empowered after reading your thoughts! x

  • Erin
    January 3, 2017

    Love this post! I decided that this year I am going to try to be more open and honest about who I am from the very beginning, no glazing over things and no compromising, I will probably be single forever but I don’t care! lol dont like the blog? BIN don’t like my son? BIN there will be a lot of BINing, but now I can’t stop thinking BIN when I think it lol! Love the post, love the honesty 🙂

    Erin || MakeErinOver

  • Sophie
    January 3, 2017

    I love this post. So many men in my life that I’ve needed to bin but never have… I definitely need to start being more like ‘listen bitch I’m worth more than this’ instead of pussyfooting in case they get mad. Alternatively I’m going to bin all hopes of decent relationships and embrace my inner hoe.

    Sophie x sophieleigh.co.uk

  • Megan
    January 3, 2017

    I absolutely loved this post. I for one definitely spent way too much time in 2016 making excuses for boys who just didn’t want to date me. Boys who only wanted one thing and “didn’t want a relationship for a long time” but would continually say how much they liked me and wanted to be with me and I have had enough, 2017 is definitely my year of being single and having fun without all the headache. It’s so refreshing to read someone so open and honest about dating. Look forward to hearing more about the book, I would definitely be interested in that. x

    Megan | http://www.meganjean.co.uk

  • Frankie The Mayfairy
    January 4, 2017

    I’ve never dated. I’ve just ended up in long term relationships and then marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my fair share of boy troubles and awkward bollocks. But reading dating blogs teaches me that dating is terrifying. So much so that I’ve forbidden my husband to die before I do. I just don’t have the mental fortitude for all this.

    I salute you in your endeavour and happy new year, lovely xx

  • Hannah
    January 11, 2017

    OMG THIS!! It’s like your my fairy godmother speaking to me! I was ‘single’ for all of 2016 and met so many fuckboys along the one. I started seeing a guy who i really lowered my standards for and we had fun and went on holiday and i met his parents! Then I found out had been talking to other girls and using dating sites the WHOLE TIME! This was also after I lost my closet friend so it was the most difficult time in my life…..however, it’s stuff like this (and posts like these) that have taught me to raise my standards and stop wasting time on boys who dont make the cut. I’m actually going on a date tonight and im really excited 🙂

    Hannah x

    http://www.hannahgetshench.com

  • Cara
    January 15, 2017

    This just made me block and delete a guy I’ve been messaging for weeks but has never asked me on a date! Binned him ? I love this Vix, your my new dating guru.

  • Sarah
    January 16, 2017

    Omg yes yes yes to the book definitely what the people want! Definitely what this person needs! I’m newly single and don’t have a clue how I’m going to tackle the dating scene ??

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